Plus and Minuses

It's the time of year to think about the best of, the worst of, and the in-between.  Some are deeply personal, some more general.

1) The most profound moments: having my two Old Ladies, the last of the original six mutant poms, leave me together, in a space of a week. 

Miracle was special because she shouldn't even have survived her first week. She had trouble breathing because of fluid in her lungs, but I spent the whole night 14 years ago willing her to leave and telling her she didn't want me to see my first puppy leave me.  I think she took me to heart because 14 years later, she waited till I was in DC before she left me.  I was supposed to call the vet at 3:30pm to tell them what to do.  I was really, really upset, as you could imagine, but tried to be stoic about it. 

At 3:20, I picked up my phone, and while making a call to my sitter to tell her, the phone went dead.  It turned itself off.  Twice.  I realize that many would explain this away as coincidence, but I truly believe that was Miracle's way of saying goodbye.  Because, you see, when I did call the vet later, he told me Miracle's heart stopped around 3:22pm.

My other Old Lady, Temper, didn't always get along with her sister.  The love-hate relationship was all about sibling rivalry, but deep down, she loved Miracle, always grooming her and lying down beside her when she didn't feel well.

Temper was always the strong one.  Like her mom, I never knew when she was hurting because she always acted as if everything was fine with her.  So, when Mira left, she seemed normal, and then, a week later, she left me to join her and the rest of my mutant poms. 

I was left bereft, even though I was happy they had both lived long, good lives, mostly without pain.  And as you can see, 10 months later, I'm still processing this grief, even though I have the newest addition, Demon Dog, to make my life noisy again.

So, minus two beloved furpoms, plus one.

Demon Dog is a joy and a terror.  He is my first black pom; with a white bib, socks, and a small streak on his head, he looked like Pepe Le Pew, so I named him Pepe Le PomPom.  But really, he is Demon Dog--sweet but absolutely devilish. Big for a pom, he's a perfect mutant pom for me.

Plus -- re-roofing jobs.  Now that there aren't any new houses being built in my area, roofing jobs are hard to get.  Re-roofing takes a lot of time and energy.

Minus -- a toll on my writing.  Re-roofing takes getting used to and my old body and mind are protesting, but what to do? I have to pay the bills. So, I'm still struggling to balance the need to survive vs the happy writing that once was.  It's a challenge that I hope to win in 2011.

Plus -- I'm actually making progress cleaning the study and getting those fantasy shelves done! You just wait and see.

Minus -- I can't find a cheap bracket that is six inches instead of the standard eight wide.  Six is perfect for both mass market paperback as well as trade size; eight leaves room for double stacking or dust.

Plus -- I have two projects out on NY editors desk.

Minus -- I have received no YES to Diamond and T's story yet.  Yes, I know I can go ebook and self-pubbed but I wanted to try traditional ways with them first.  Yes, I know, I'm stubborn.

Plus -- I've cooked more Malaysian and Asian dishes because I've more time (when I was too tired to write but needed an outlet).

Minus -- I've put on pounds.  Lotsa pounds.

Plus --  Read more!  My favorite books this year are:

3) Silver Borne by Patricia Briggs
2) Magic Bleeds by Ilona Andrews
1) Last Night's Scandal by Loretta Chase (which is the surprise best book of the year for me)

Minus -- lost a few romantic suspense authors whose books/series have been dropped. Read fewer romantic suspense.

Plus -- making plans to find other income. Well, duh, economy....

Minus -- three jobs might truly take all my writing time.  We'll see.

Plus -- health was excellent through 2010.

Minus -- health insurance went up.  Bah.

Plus -- My readers still like me enough to email me ;-).

Minus -- I get nervous explaining to them why VOne isn't ready.

Plus -- I found many of my highschool and college friends from decades ago on FB.

Minus -- Argh.  That made me feel old.  Where did the time go?

Plus -- I saved enough money to get that new air-conditioner/heat system by end of year, like I'd promised myself.

Minus -- Almost had a heart attack writing that check, LOL.

Plus -- I learn how to take care of a baby squirrel.

Minus -- Well, there aren't any minuses to this, except that I've probably spent more money this Christmas on nuts and veges than I've planned!  I'm just thankful she survived the hawk, the cold, the dehydration, and my not-so-knowledgeable care.

So, these are my quickie end-of-year thoughts.  Do you have any plus or minus you want to share with me?  Maybe a best book or a disappointment?

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Santa Came By Last Night

And I'm definitely keeping him! :D

Hope your Christmas weekend was as fun as mine!

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A Miki Squirrel Christmas Card

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY READERS AND FRIENDS!

The mutant poms and MikiSquirrel send furkisses too.

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What Happens If Mary & Joseph Had Facebook Page

And if the Three Wise Men had I-Phones....



Merry, Merry Christmas!

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Yet Another 10 Things I've Done That You Probably Have Not

John Scalzi, wonderful SF writer, has written another Yet Another 10 Things I've Done That You Probably Have Not on his blog.  He always has an awesome, unbeatable list of cool stuff he's done.  Also, his blog readers leave their own impressive lists in the comments too. Check them out!

Here is my list, this time round (I've done one before in which I've included skydiving from 14,000 ft, so am not including that experience in this one).

1) washed and stimulated a squirrel’s butt and private bits.

2) sang Up On The Roof while being up on the roof while holding an umbrella.

3) drove by Tiger Wood’s mansion the day after the infamous car incident.

4) gave a copy of my book to the Prime Minister of Malaysia.

5) walked barefoot on coals for Deepavali.

6) participated in a six-day long Indian wedding/feast that included a dancing bear.

7) had my finger in somebody else’s boil.

8) given 1000 copies of my own book for my birthday (I know, I have a strange friend. He said he got them from someone who buys remainders).

9) and yup, touched, gaped at, and handled 1000 copies of my own book,

10) am currently reroofing a house whose original roof I installed 20 years ago (dammit, I was so certain I wouldn’t be back….)

How about you list ten (or less) things you've done that others probably haven't? It's fun!

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We Love Romance and HEAs!

This is just simply the most romantic and heartwarming story and proposal ever:

http://ceaserphotography.com/blog/archives/192

The very innovative man decided to special-order Muppet likenesses of he and his girlfriend, made a MOVIE TRAILER of the proposal, convinced a local movie theatre to air it, and got his girlfriend a front-row seat to her own future ;-).

Who can top that?!

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Nut Jokes Targeted At Me

My roofers are making nut jokes about me.  And there's nut-thing I can do about it ;-).  They're all groan-worthy too.

1) How does Jenny Low catch a squirrel?
By standing under a tree and acting like a nut

2) How does Jenny Low keep her squirrel's nuts dry?
By teaching it to swim on his back

3) How do catch a rich squirrel?
By standing under a tree and acting like a cashew.

4) How does Jenny Low catch a mechanically-inclined squirrel?
Stand under a tree and act like a 9/16 12N nut.

and on and on and on.  Some are too inappropriate for your ears! :D I suppose now you want to add to the GLow nut/squirrel jokes too.

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An End Of Year Conversation With RS Author Buddies

I've been talking to a few author buddies lately about the general state of publishing, especially in the romantic suspense genre.  The news is rather mixed but the consensus is that romantic suspense, as one of them put it, is "no longer the darling it once was."

A few of my friends who are quite big names don't even get distributed at most Walmarts any more.  Remember in 2007, that was the beginning of the Walmart Wave of cutting off midlist and only stocking NYT bestsellers. Well, it has come to the point that some very well-known names are being cut off.  Most of the NYT newer bestsellers are in the paranormal and urban fantasy genres, so a few of these good friends are considering changing their genre. Yes, some of you might call it "jumping on the bandwagon," but for them, it is their paycheck and some of them are the main breadwinner for their families.

I was quite surprised at a few of the series that aren't being renewed.  These are by authors who have been writing for ten, fifteen years, and so have readers who faithfully buy their books.  But it seems that this isn't enough any more.  I don't know, since I haven't been in the New York school of thought these last few years.

Changing names hasn't helped at least one of my buddies; her numbers tanked in spite of online buzz.  There are just fewer physical bookstores out there. So, for a couple of them, the solution is to work harder with online recognition.

My RS for Samhain sold reasonably well in the electronic market. One author friend, a higher midlister, confided that her e-book sales are "killing it," so that's good news. But another, who had a pretty big contract from her publishing house, said numbers were down and she wasn't looking forward to the next round of contract talks.  The one who had her series canceled is now back to writing categories (series romance/Harlequin) of a different genre.  The other one, a fellow Golden Heart winner, someone whose works I really enjoy, has turned to epublishing and is now getting ready a really kickass urban fantasy for submission.

There was certainly a glut of romantic suspense authors about five to seven years ago.  I remember feeling some frustration that some of the stories had very little romance in them and were being categorized as RS.  And many of the huge names were changing genres, from historical to RS, and going hardcover. Their transitions weren't universally smooth, but most of them generally did well, making the NYT and USAtoday lists.

If you looked at the last four years, there were a few big names that started writing paranormal romance and following the pattern, there are now tons of books out in the paranormal/urban fantasy genres.  I'm not sure whether readership for RS has been waning, but certainly the economic Depression of 2008 onwards also contributed to dismal sales of books for publishing.  Books, once affordable, are being sold at $8.99 (this from $4.99$5.99 during my year I got pubbed), and people, slashing their budgets, cut back on book-buying.

Of course, this is just information gleaned from a few conversations with a few friends.  There are no facts to support our thoughts and conclusions; we can only view our publishing world through our royalty statements and contract renewals.  But I do feel that romantic suspense, although not disappearing, has been definitely getting fewer slots and less attention since 2007. Even my bookseller friend, who is not an online person and rarely venture into ebook territory, complained that she couldn't think of any new authors to recommend to her customers; most of the books in catalogues are by the big names who have one hardcover out a year. The midlisters are disappearing, she told me.

I take her comments to heart.  You'll always get the main stars, like the fantastic Cherry Adair and Cindy Gerard, at the main booksellers.  There will be some great reads ahead, but I feel that, for my other friends, the ones I'm not naming, we're preparing to change and to expect changes.  Ebooks will play a big part because sales have been rising (the main positive thing about the publishing business nowadats) but with that, authors have to focus more on online promotion as well as small used-and-new bookstores.

Why the latter? Because those owners, like my bookseller friend, know their customers and they often recommend back lists and sell new books of midlisters.  I know many online are saying they don't even buy paperbacks any more and the future is in ebooks, but there are still at least two generation of readers out there who aren't brought up techy/gadget-happy.  They like reading the way they've been for decades and many are unaware of online groups or discussions because frankly, they aren't into that.

The online community is a powerful aspect of marketing books and authors, of course. My friends think that in many ways, it's both easier and more difficult for the writer.  On one hand, there are literally thousands of new writers (self-published, e-published, etc.) online, a multitude of voices trying to be heard, and many new authors have a hard time getting noticed. The authors I spoke to don't necessary have this problem.  They have readers who find them online and social media like Twitter and Facebook are very helpful (depending on who's talking, LOL, since a couple think they really cut into their writing time). However, it is still a problem to reach new readers; everywhere we turn, we're reading that readers are hesitant to try new works not recommended by other readers, mainly because of higher price and inability to browse.

My author buddies also note that many online reviewers are favoring historicals and paranormal/urban fantasies.  Additionally, there is a growing readership for Young Adult paranormals/UF and younger readers are avid online visitors.  They are the next generation of readers that my friends have to learn to tap into.  Thus, writing in another genre is another option but a few of them feel it's just not their style.  We tossed ideas around and wonder what's in store for us in 2011 and beyond.

In conclusion, my writing buddies, some of whom I've known for a decade or more, with quite a number of books published, are worried and getting ready for changes.  At least one of them is getting her nursing license reinstated.  Another is even thinking of retirement.  Yet another is having fun writing another genre.  As for me, I'm a little off-the-road at the moment, since I was the first one to feel the Walmart and numbers pain, but I've been talking about change for years now.  My friends are just realizing it.

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What's That In The Santa Bag?

Yes, this furry thing is totally dominating my life. 

This morning, I put her up in a tree, trying to train her to stay there, but it being 30 plus degrees F., she just chirped and jumped back onto my head, ran down my sweater and hid there.  I don't blame her!  But I think it's essential to make her understand about the cold, the trees, and living there. 

There is a bunch of turkey buzzards that roost in the acreage at the back of my subdivision and I worry about that, since they fly over twice a day--about fifty or more of them!--and I'm sure their keen eyes would catch sight of a little fursquirrel who just sits on a branch.

It's going to be in the 20s tonight, so Miki is going be curled up on her rice-sock. 

Miki: "I don't think I look like him."

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Miki and Me In The Garden

I took Miki for a walk in the garden so he could get some outside air.  We were checking out the trees for his next condo.  She didn't seem to be too eager to go back out into the cold.  After a few experimental jumps onto branches, she lept back onto my head.  So back into her cage she went, tired out from her adventures.  She's now snoring away.

Hopefully the weather will be warm soon and I can release her outside. Right now, my roofers are calling me Squirrel Whisperer.  Gah.

The Mutant Poms don't believe me when I told them she's a "puppy."

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He Fell From A Tree Onto The Roof

A hawk has eaten most of his siblings.  He fell from the tree and followed me around the roof all day.  I couldn't get him back up the tree and besides, it's freezing tonight, and the hawk is waiting for him.  So he's staying with me till it's warm enough to release him into my backyard where there are many trees.

For now, his name is Mikey.  Here he is, sleeping on a warmed rice-sock that I made for him; I found out that baby squirrels can't make their own body heat.  Tomorrow I'll go buy some Esbilac and carrots.  Wish me luck with keeping Mikey from the big bad hawk!

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The 100 Books Meme Everyone Will Inevitably Do This Month

INSTRUCTIONS: Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. Copy this list. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Tag other book nerds. Tag me as well so I can see your responses!

1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen


2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien


3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling (all)

5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee


6 The Bible


7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte


8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens


11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott


12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy


13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller


14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch – George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell


22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald


23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky


28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck


29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy


32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens


33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis

34 Emma – Jane Austen

35 Persuasion – Jane Austen


36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Berniere

39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne


41 Animal Farm – George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving

45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding

50 Atonement – Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel

52 Dune – Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck

62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville


71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens

72 Dracula – Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses – James Joyce

76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal – Emile Zola


79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession – AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton


91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad


92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks

94 Watership Down – Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas


98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Well, obviously, I read more than six of the 100 above ;-). To be fair, I was a Philosophy and English major.  If I weren't, I don't think I would have read Zola.  Or Moby Dick.

And where is Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand? I thought everyone has either read or attempted to read that one.

How about you?

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I Kid U Not: Tampon Stun Gun

Continuing on my December search for the perfect Christmas gifts, I came upon this INnovative, ahem, present for the GEM girl wannabe.  It's called The Pink Stinger.  See, Deadly In Pink.

This weapon fits nicely into your palm and the ZAPPLICATOR shoots 50,000 volts of pain on your attacker.  Ha. It has barbed prods and 14 feet of wire. Do not come near me, you robber, or be taste my Terminator Tampon of Terror.  BUZZzzzzzzZZZZzzz.

WARNING: They look kind of similar to the real thing. I think it would REALLY HURT if one accidentally insert this, thinking it's the Real Thing and hit the zapplicator.  I mean, OW.  Or maybe Oooh, depending whether you're into pain or not.

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Another Weird Stocking Stuffer

I got this from Boing Boing.  This is a fetus cookie cutter.  Imagine all the festive colored fetuses you can serve to your family and guests! Christmas baby!  NOM NOM NOM!

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RIP Leslie Nielsen: "Shirley, you'll be missed."

He said the one line that equalled the more classic ones from Casablanca and Gone With The Wind. In fact, I know friends who could quote the whole dang movie, Airplane.

"And don't call me Shirley."

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Demon Dog In My Arms

Demon Dog is a tough one to hold still for a photo, but I managed to do it twice tonight.  And one actually doesn't have his eyes gleaming demonic red!  His eyes are a dark black blue and the flash doesn't like them.  Either that or his true nature peers out of his eyes ;-).

Now, if only I could get Jiggs and Lilah for a group portrait. These three aren't like my original six, who were excellent and obedient posers, and just love to preen in front of the camera.  I remember them tonight, with all my love, because I'm thankful for their time with me:

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones. You're in my thoughts today too!

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Not So Fast Steampunkers!

The buzz is that the newest, hottest, trendiest romance sub-genre is Steampunk romance, a blend of Victorian historical, steam technology, alternative history, with, sometimes, supernatural elements, such as zombies and timetravel, thrown in.  It's like you have to be a hell of a smart writer who could spout off science and Victorian tea mannerism, as well as give the romance reader her relationshipy goodness.  Not exactly an easy balance.

But.

Might I add that there is a subgenre doing super-well and growing in leaps and bounds among romance readers? What, you say? Yup. They're selling hundreds of thousands of copies a book and the bestseller is going at 1.3 million according to this WSJ article I was reading?  And. Nary a Scientific Fact or Monster in sight.  Oh, and no sex.

WHAT, YOU ASK?

They're called bonnet romances.  The women...they wear bonnets.  And the characters don't believe in technology, not much anyway.  And they kind of lead a pretty strict lifestyle, like handwashing your own towels and making bread from scratch, that sort of thing.  And did I mention the dudes all grow up into beardy brawny men?  It's like the Giant's favorite phrase: Fear The Beard.  Because it's here.

Bonnet romances, aka Amish romances, are sweet and as far from the scale of that other Hot Trend--erotic romances--as one could get.  I spent a number of years in Ohio and never knew they were allowed to read contemporary romances, but according to the newspaper articles, they're buying these books in bunches.  And reading them like giggly teens under their handsewn covers.

Wait, WAIT, you say.  there aren't THAT many Amish women buying up a million books.  You're right.  The Amish community is only about 233,000 strong (hey, google it!).  So, the main readers are non-Amish.  Yeah, you and you and me and you and YOU OVER THERE.  You're buying these romances with the sweet, fresh-faced, be-bonneted woman standing with wheat fields in the background, and loving them.

You tell me what's up here.  Are you tired of de Sexay?  Are you wanting some closed door romancing?  From perusing the blurbs and reading some chapters, the majority of the plots are Romeo and Juliet-ish, that is, dear sweet Rebecca is in love with an outsider, maybe from the English (don't ask me, that's what they call an American male), and it's about forbidden yearning and the sweet bloom of thinking naughty, but unnamed, unmentionable subjects that are hinted but left unsaid, with lots of lingering eye-exercises and deep thoughts.  Hey, I've been there; I grew up in a Third World religious country.

Maybe a number of us are growing tired of clean-shaven Alpha males and sword-wielding snarky heroines, and we're intrigued by beardy men who won't grow mustaches.  I don't know.  But of course, I have enjoyed an Amish forbidden romance during my time; the movie was called Witness and it starred a hot Harrison Ford, but that's kind of cheating because he was playing the role of the English.  But I remember the sexual tension was delicious. And, it was a suspense/thriller to boot!

So, have you been reading quietly under the covers and not letting us know your sweet little secret? Do give your thoughts, make some recommendations.  I used to read Dee Henderson's inspirational romantic suspenses back in the day when it was starting to be the hot new trend.  They were good, with very strong heroes.

So, the airships, the clockwork thingies, the funny masks, even the time-machine--MOVE OVER!  The washboards, homemade bread, self-chopped firewood, and aprons are here.

Fear the Beard (and the aprons).

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Christmas Gift: Wake Up & Smell The Grass!

From Gizmodo

This is a mask that keeps a fresh patch of soil pressed to your face in order to force you to smell grass while listening to your own breath through the attached headphones. What the hell are artists thinking lately?

Perfect Christmas gift, I say!!!! ;-P

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Morning Glory

The rose bushes are looking fabulous this morning, aren't they?

I need to trim them back, but the wild riot stops me.

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Warning: Your Weekend Softporn Picture Panels

Skip this post if you're the sensitive type.  A romance author stumbled upon a scene late last night.

Last chance! I did warn ya!

Hehheh. Gigglegiggle. Blush. Hehehehehehehehehe.

Huh?

MOM WHAT ARE THEY DOING???!!!

This is SO unfair! He gets to have ALL the fun!

THE END

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Books Giveaway Winners

With my fancy Mutant Pom Name Picking Technique (I stuffed a chewed out toys with the names of the commenters tied to a piece of their favorite treat in it and then tossed it to Jiggle Low and Demon Dog.  After the big fur fight, the two remaining names are the winners!!!), here are the winners of the two bag of book giveaways from my signing at Altamonte Mall:

Mary E. Romero

Vanessa

Thank you for coming to my blog! For those who didn't get picked, fear not, there will be another giveaway soon.  First, et me go get some roofs done to pay for the postage.  Kidding, KIDDING.... :-)

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Steampunk Romance, Ur Doing It Wrong, or, I Only Want My Alt-Universe, Not Yours

There's a lot of talk about "steampunk" lately.  It's not a new subgenre but it's pretty new to romance readers.  If you want to read a great example, check out Meljean Brook's new steampunk series, The Iron Duke.

However, some pure SF/Fantasy writers and readers, familiar with steampunk, are up in arms about another possible new invasion into their territory.  They're already somewhat threatened (okay, disgusted) at all the romantic sparkly porn ruining the greatest bloodsucker monster of all time and what's more, it's always some tattooed hot chick in leather with a sword on the cover and they miss those covers that had Conanbod swinging a sword over the head of a kneeling warrior woman wearing only boop armor plates and groin tassles. I know, right?

In fact, Charles Stross was quite vitriolic about it, calling for the death of steampunk.  Of course, he also hated the glut of vampire romance, calling them "paranormal romance fang fuckers bodice rippers with vamp(ires)."  He's a bit (okay, very) miffed that, instead of riffing more realistic stuff from the Victorian age, like poverty, child labor and Marxism, this new trend is all about, oh-God-forbid, aristocrats having tea in their airships and, oh-how-unbelievable, zombies.  I mean, zombies during a Victorian-age SF/Fantasy subgenre, horrors! I know, right? (yes, I've been watching too much Craig Ferguson monologues)

There was much hate on the zombie and its unplausible existence on that blog entry and its comments, and of course, Cherie Priest's excellent Boneshaker came up as an example of this blasphemy. To which, Ms. Priest reacted with awesome Victorian shock on her blog:

A Zombie Lament

OMG YOU GUYS it has come to my attention that SOMEONE on the internet is saying that my fictional 19th century zombies are NOT SCIENTIFICALLY SOUND. Naturally, I am crushed. To think, IF ONLY I’d consulted with a zombologist or two before sitting down to write, I could’ve avoided ALL THIS EMBARRASSMENT.

Hee.

So, they fear the coming of the Steampunk Romance, eh?

Mrs. Giggles asked "What will the generic steampunk tropes be like?"  I had fun riffing off over there one morning, at that time not knowing about the screamage going on against zombies and steampunk romance in the Net, but after reading Stross' entry (and the comments), I just had to cut and paste my examples here.  Because I had zombies AND aristocrats drinking tea.  I did not know that kind of riffing wasn't allowed ;-).

So, here are my entries.  I leave the hot cover maidens to you.  I've a feeling the purists are going to protest about hard hot male bods (check out Meljean's Iron Duke cover) sitting side-by-side with the hot tattooed leathered females.

1) Marriage of convenience: heroine heiress is kidnapped and taken on airship where hero ties her up with nanochains ;-).

2) Egypt, the new frontier. There is something going on within the new archaelogical finds and the mummies--oh no, they're actually zombies! And the heroine is wanted because her blood is speshul. Hero is a scientists that practice fencing 10 hours a day; other 10 is spent finding a cure for infectious mummian-bytes.

3) Heroine is a French spy. Hero is a British spy. They have to work together to find out about these new machines that have Intelligence that will destroy the world as we know it. Ideological differences ensue but passion will save the day. Secondary character -- a short machine that's powered by water/steam that keeps running around, waving its arms, screaming "Danger! Danger!" Big Bad: the sell out evil Mr. Smithe, of course.

4) There is a new spice in India and the British-Indian Spice Company is determined to be the main distributor. This spice gives special abilities to special people; the government in control of the spice will control the world. Hero Duke of Muadib is sent to India to check out/work on the machines and to charm the sect who lives among the spices, who fight them while riding deadly zombiebytes, and he meets up with the princess of the sect, a tall, tattoed mysterious bald woman named Five-of-Twenty.

5) There is an super-airway pirate robbing the rich travelers! They snatch magnificent jewels for the poor! The hero-duke is robbed and deuce it, he will find this arrogant man who dared to touch his privates while looking for hidden pockets! M/M and steam punk--this is going to be good!

Would love to read your riffs.  Mummy-zombies and romance.  I know, right?

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Because I Want To Look At Eye Candy Today

To the reader who sent me her version of my Flyboy: I thank you. Very much. I approve. Very much.

As your reward, I'll give you this:

Happy Saturday!





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Post #2: Help Pamela Britton Spread Her Message About Mortgage Modification Loan Scam by Banks

My friend, Pamela Britton, who writes for HQ's NASCAR series as well as historical romances, has a story to tell.  She recently lost her home when she'd thought she'd only signed papers to modify her then current home mortgage payments.  She'd sent out a newsletter telling her story and had requested publicly on her website for it to be passed on so that other people wouldn't fall for the scam by banks and mortgage lenders.

For the whole story in Pam Britton's words, here is the link:
http://www.pamelabritton.com/WeLostOurHouse.html

Here is part of Pam's newsletter:

We signed our paperwork which included an unexpected $5000 "pay down" on what was in arrears. We paid our monthly mortgage payments thereafter. We were trying to come up with the $5000--paid as much as we could towards it every month--but it was a struggle to pay it down. Thankfully, our bank seemed willing to work with us. It was tight, but somehow God gave us the ability to stay in our home.

Until the bank took it away from us.

Unbeknown to us, we had been denied the new loan. WE NEVER RECEIVED ANY OFFICIAL NOTIFICATION. NO NOTICES ON OUR DOOR. NO LETTERS IN THE MAIL. They simply disqualified us for the loan and auctioned off our house. We learned this after receiving a Three Day Notice of Eviction.

You might have heard about the investigations that are being done right now concerning these home loan modification/foreclosure scams, but for some, it's too late since their homes have now been foreclosed on and sold from under them WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE. These are hard times we lived in and predators abound, so before you signed anything, please, please, please check and doublecheck and triplecheck before doing so. Laws and grants by our government are wonderful, idealistic programs, but there will always be those who would use them to take advantage of the less fortunate, taking money from both the government and from people who are supposed to be helped out by these grants.

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Friday Deep Thought: Personal Freedom, Public Outrage About Guns & Books

If something really offensive is being sold at a national store, and you're terribly offended by it, do you think protesting and pressuring that national chain to pull this product is ok? If let's say the product is a book, if the chain decides to pull it off its shelves, would you call that banning and censorship?


I have 2 examples

1) A national cardealer is offering to give away AK47 for every new truck you buy, and many are protesting.

2) A book about how to be a better pedophilia is on sale on Amazon, and many are protesting.

Let's say, both bowed down to public outcry.  Some say we shouldn't tell a business how to run their business.  Books don't commit crimes.  Guns don't commit crimes.  Banning and censorship is bad.

Others say, if the businesses know that their actions might hurt their future finances, they should listen.  After all, that's what businesses do, try to make money from the most people possible.  They should be allowed to sell what they want or take off what they want, but the consumers should also be allowed to voice their displeasure and put pressure on businesses.

Your thoughts?

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Menage duck trois

Question to writers: Where do you get your ideas?



Ahem.

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Free Books

The signing at Altamonte Springs was lovely and even the drive back and forth on the scary I-4 onto 436 wasn't the nightmare it usually is.  The mall was full of shoppers and many stopped by to browse among the big circle of authors surrounding the fountain.

Usually, a signing by one's lonesome self is an excruciating experience, especially if no one knows you're an author and the only people stopping at your table wants to know where the rest room is.  But with a group of friends, it's easier, and we get to walk around and browse at their tables too.  It was great fun chatting up with Roxanne St. Clair (who had wonderful news about a movie option!) and C.L. Lewis and her lovely daughter.

At the end of the day, the coordinator gave us a bag of books as a parting gift.  Yay, books ;-).  And I bought myself some CINNABONS, which is what malls are all about to me.  No Cinnabons? Ha, you ain't no mall.

Anyway, many of the books in the bag are new-to-me authors.  I'm picking a couple for myself and then would like to share the bag with two of my blog readers.

So, if you would like some FREE BOOKS, write in the comment area your favorite NEW-TO-YOU author find this year.  My new find this year is Jax Cassidy.

Next week sometime, I'll pick two names from the comments and announce the "winners."

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Fifteen Authors In Fifteen Minutes

Write down here the names of the first fifteen romance authors that have influenced your reading the most.  Just write the names down without thinking too much; whether you hate them now or still enjoy their works, their writing styles and stories are what will always be your favorite go-to themes.  You'll start to dig deeper after the first six names or so, but you mustn't analyze too much! Just keep writing down the names as they appear on your mind.

Me:

Linda Howard
Nora Roberts
Rosemary Rogers
Laurell K. Hamilton
Ann Rice
Christine Feehan
Helen Bianchin
Merline Lovelace
Iris Johannsen
Susan Johnson
Christina Dodd
Katherine Sutcliffe
Anne Stuart
Carolyn Jewel
Debra Dixon

***
The first three names are easy enough.  Linda Howard opened the world to me to the possibilities of different types of romance stories, besides the usual contemporaries.  Her name is coupled with Nora in my head because I collected their stuff incessantly when I re-started my romance with the genre. 

Rogers' Sweet Savage Love was the probably the first "single title" historical I ever read in the seventies, after a steady diet of Mills and Boons (series romance).  That I remembered the story, the title, and the author in the 90s, twenty years after reading it and fifteen years after I dropped out of reading romances, proved how influential this book was of my reading.  I've reread it in the 90s and can't say that I enjoyed the experience as much as when I was an impressionable teen, but there were certain scenes that still riveted me, and even the horrifying and disgusting ones were still WTH-must-have-gone-thru'-my-teenage-mind worthy.

I know Ann Rice isn't a romance author but there were romantic elements in her books that started my love of the dark, vampire genre, and definitely influenced me into imagining the world of the vampire differently. 

You'll also notice that once you come up with a name, another name pops up that is connected to the one before, suggesting that you're attracted to these clusters because of certain similarities.  For example, my writing down LKH immediately brought up Ann Rice, and then Christine Feehan, back-to-back-to-back, even though I read these authors years apart.  This, to me, shows my awareness of how these three authors built on my fascination with the vampire genre. 

Sutcliffe brought up Stuart, showing how I tie these two authors--dark stories, dark heros.  I'm still trying to figure out why Bianchin gave me Lovelace as next, since they aren't similar in style or story at all.

So, come on, let's see your list!  I know many of you will probably name more recent authors because YES I AM ANCIENT when it comes to reading romance.  The exercise is fun because it bunches together past and present writers.  I was very surprised by the appearance of Carolyn Jewel, for instance.  I do love her writing, but never would have put her ahead of a few of my other favorite authors, but on second thought, yeah, I've always had a thing about the way she writes her heros ;-).  Which, of course, brings me Anne Stuart, the queen of my heros.

TADA.

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Yo, Uber Book Signing! Romancing The Holidays

Hope you will try to make this.  It's a special signing event Central Florida Romance Writers (CFRWA) holds every year and it's for charity too. I'd love to see those of you who live close by.  Shopping at the mall, meeting authors, eating chocolate -- what fun!

Saturday, November 6, 2010, 2 – 5 PM

Altamonte Mall
Center Court Fountain
451 E. Altamonte Drive
Altamonte Springs, FL
(407) 261-0213

More than twenty of Florida’s best known romance novelists, as well as Culinary Confessions of the PTA Divas cookbook author Pam Brandon and Three Houses poets Darlyn Finch & Brad Kuhn, will be on hand to meet readers and sign copies of their latest books.

Not only can readers chat with their favorite writers and get their book purchases autographed, but Barnes & Noble’s Altamonte Mall store, which is supplying the books for the signing, will donate 20% of the event’s proceeds to Central Florida’s non-profit Adult Literacy League ( www.adultliteracyleague.org).

The first 100 people to buy books will go home with a fabulous goody bag stuffed with novels donated by authors (many of them autographed) and publishers (including romance giant Harlequin), bookmarks, other promotional items, and candy.

View the press release. (Adobe PDF)

2010 Participating Authors:

Blair Bancroft/Daryn Parke

Pam Brandon

Barbara Cameron

Jax Cassidy

Allison Chase

Leigh Duncan

Dara Edmondson

Darlyn Finch & Brad Kuhn

Louise M. Gouge

Traci Hall

Shauna Hart

Catherine Kean

Pamela Labud

Gennita Low

Aleka Nakis

Sandra Newgent

Kristin Painter

Susan Sleeman

Roxanne St. Claire

CL Wilson

Michelle Young

~~~

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Sunday Reading In My Backyard

Yesterday, I had a troublesome day with a troublesome customer.  She really messed my sense of equilibrium up, so this morning, I decided to do some quiet reading, to take me away from my state of mind.

My huge backyard has two personalities, probably reflecting its owner ;-P.  To my left is open, like a large field, and my mutant poms love to run all over.  To my right, with an older acreage home adjunct to the back fence, is a leafy mysterious place of magic.  It's pretty to look at and takes the stress off my mind.

Today I sat facing the right side ;-).  Mutant poms are running on the left side, coming back occasionally for a quick lick and a pat.  Me, a cup of coffee, and Ilona Andrews' Bayou Moon, with this view below.  Perfect.

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New Scam: Take My Millions & Promise To Give To Motherless Babies!!!

Okay, this is a new one.  I've received many requests from widows of Dead African Generals to retrieve their Swiss bank accounts; hiding General of Unknown African country asking me to help get their gold bars; foreign lottery winners who "couldn't" get the foreign prize money so could I pleasepleaseplease make a foreign currency exchange (DEPOSIT) because their starving families depend on my goodwill; great deposed ruler of Unknown Country asking for my bank acct number so they could deposit their hidden gold and dollars into it and in exchange, I could keep a very generous 10 percent, but this one is definitely brilliant. 

I call it The Motherless Child Dying Request. Not only is the sender dying a sad lonely death, but she has $13 million dollars that she wants me to distribute to the needy charities of the world.  I mean, how could you refuse that, you heartless person you?  The money is not for me, but for everyone in need. Millions of motherless babies!!!

And all I need to do is contact the Security Sekrit Person who would, no doubt, ask for my bank account details.  Of course, if I think too hard over my sudden greedChristian charitableness, I might wonder why the woman just didn't get a lawyer to set up a trust fund for her motherless babies charities.  But none of that!  I MUST help this dying woman!!!

CRAVE YOUR INDULGENCE

Greetings to you in the most wonderful name of our God Almighty. His richest blessings shall be upon you forever.

I am Mrs. Dav j Nancy , I am 51 years old from Netherlands, I am deaf and suffering from a long time cancer of the Lungs which also affected my brain, from all indication my conditions is really deteriorating and it is quite obvious that, according to my doctors they have advised me that I live for the next four months, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage.

I was brought up from a motherless babies home, was married to my late husband for twenty years without a child. My husband died in a fatal motor accident. Before his death we were true Christians.

Since his death I decided not to re-marry, I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the sum of $13.5 million dollars with a Security Company. Presently deposited at asian region , this money is still with them and the management just wrote me as the true owner to come forward to receive the money for keeping it so long Or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over because of my illness or they get it seized.

Presently, I'm with my laptop in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for cancer of the lungs. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live.It is my last wish to see that this money is invested to any organization of your choice and distributed each year among the charity organizations, the poor and the motherless babies' homes where I come from.

I want you as a God fearing person, to also use this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows. I took this decision, before I rest in peace because my time will soon be up. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Security Company. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will improve you as the new beneficiary of my fund.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.
I shall wait at your prayerful reply .

Yours truely,
Mrs. Dav j Nancy

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Prayers For Robin Schone

One of my favorite books is by Robin Schone.  I just received news that she is waiting for a heart transplant.  Here is what she wrote on her board:

Dear Clubbers, although I still think of all of you as Retreaters.
I have bad news, and I have good news. The bad news is that my heart has deteriorated to the point I have to have a heart transplant. The good news: I will be getting a heart very soon. I go into the hospital this coming Tuesday and will be put on a special IV that will relieve the pressure in my lungs and heart while I wait for the transplant. Because I have a rather uncommon blood type - and because I need a small heart - my doctors believe the wait will be relatively short. Maybe as soon as two weeks!

A heart transplant has a tremendous success rate these days: 90%. So - as Arnold Schwarzenegger said in The Terminator - "I'll be back." 'Cause I have a whole lot more books to write! Meanwhile, I'll be thinking of all of you and the fun you'll be having without me.

Sending you all a big hug and many, many besos, baci, baisers, küsse, or, in English, kisses.
Robin Schone

In the letter from Kathryn Falk (RT Reviews, Dec. 2010, p. 4), it mentions keeping Robin Schone in our thoughts as she is awaiting a heart transplant. Doctors expect a full recovery once she gets a new heart. It also says that RS wants her fans to know her spirits are great and she is looking forward to working on her next book.

This address was included for well wishers.

Robin Schone
P.O. Box 721036
Roselle, IL 60172

******************

Dear readers and friends, please include Robin in your prayers for a speedy recovery.

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Post #2: My Halloween Tombstone

Alas, poor Mitsu 55"! I knew him [well]: a fellow
of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath
borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how
abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at
it.

Here hung those [cables] that I have treasured I know
not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your
gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment,
that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one
now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen?

Get thee off to a "recyclery!"

Or, some poor man's spare parts in another play.

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Guess Who

If you grew up around the 80s and early 90s, guess who this is.

Do you recognize him? I didn't when I read about him in the news last night.

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Heathcliff and Cathy -- The Bad Boy & Bad Girl In Romance Roots

Heathcliff was my first gothic hero, which I differentiate from the romance hero of today's genre. Traditional gothic heroes are monstrous and angst-ridden creatures, and their fates are usually tied to something horrible about their pasts.
Bronte did something unusual. She made Heathcliff very human and yet, still retain his monstrosity. He loved beyond death, which was ultimately romantic, and his madness for Cathy was both passionate and awesome scary at the same time. Yet, I liked him better than some of the revenge rakes of today's bad boys--"men" who play cards and walk around attended by their servants, the ones that kidnap the heroines and force them to submit to their control. Bah, they aspire to Heathcliff's bad boyness!

Also, Cathy had a power over Heathcliff that rivaled his batshit crazy revenge plan, and she knew it too. She was the ultimate bad girl, a pre-Scarlett O'Hara, always thinking about herself, yet giving in to the wildness in her whenever she was with her Heathcliff.
As you can tell, I'm batshit crazy about Heathcliff :). He had many qualities of the romantic hero--alpha, arrogant, too sure of himself, ultimately brought down/tamed by love of a woman--but being a gothic story, of course, his story ends tragically. But there was hope too at the end, with the love of the "new" young Cathy and the boy Heathcliff brought low, like he was.
Finally, if you look at urban fantasy and paranormal series today, there are seeds of Heathcliff and Cathy in the characters, except, of course, you get more blood and gore, mixed with magic. Angst-filled, anger-ridden powerful hero out to get revenge; super-controlling males who want to bind their women to them; the call of death and loving beyond; the cold power of the heroine capable of killing her man; the inability to communicate beyond verbal fighting--all these themes arose from Wuthering Heights.

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I Shouldn't Be The Only One Getting Chubbier

I've been making all sorts of desserts this month. I don't know why, but the sweet tooth, it is growing.  So today, I'm going to share with y'all a favorite Thai dessert called Sankaya, or Pumpkin Custard.  It's easy to make, although it takes about an hour steaming time.

It's really a cute looking dish too!

Ingredients:

One Japanese pumpkin (it's small, grapefruit size)
5 eggs
3 cups coconut milk (buy a rich can, the ones for desserts instead of drinks)
1/3 cup sugar
pinch of salt
cinnamon
vanilla extract
screwpine extract (if you can't find it, it can be left out)

1) Cut the top off (like in pic) and scrape the seeds and stringy stuff out of the pumpkin
2) In separate bowl, mix in eggs, sugar, coconut milk, a pinch of cinnamon and salt, drops of extracts. Beat well or use blender.
3) Heat up wok with water till boiling or turn on steamer till ready.
4) Pour mixture into pumpkin
5) Put rack over boiling water in wok, then place pumpkin on top WITHOUT the lid. Put lid on the side separately.
6) When I do it, it takes about 45 minutes, then I turn it off and let it sit for another 5. Stick fork into custard to check; it shouldn't be runny.
7) Cool and serve. You can eat the whole darn thing, pumpkin, flesh on the inside of skin, and custard.  YUM.

As you can see, Halloween doesn't have to be all candy for the kiddos.  You can have dessert!  Now go, add pounds like I'm doing.  Enjoy.

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Yes, It's Naked Rugby Players Time Again

Every year, at this time, I go off in search of the new Dieux du Stade calendar.  Those French rugby guys in the nude.  With the photographer's female helper patting them down for the shot. It never gets old. So here it is: gratuitous shots of nude French rugby athletes touching their balls and each other's butts:



Enjoy ;-).  Now off I go to order....

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National Dessert Day

Linda Howard posted on Facebook that yesterday was National Dessert Day.  When I commented that my fave one being Mango Sticky Rice with Coconut Creme, she asked for the recipe.  Here it is:

Ingredients
2 cups glutinous rice
1 can coconut cream (either sweetened or unsweetened)
3/4 tbsp salt
sugar to taste
fresh mangoes
add for different taste: vanilla extract or banana extract or screwpine (Malaysian favorite additive) extract

There are two ways to do the rice.  Boil the glutinous rice on high heat, stir, add 3/4 tbsp salt, keep stirring till rice is done.

OR

line collander with banana leafs, put washed rice in it, then steam in wok (with cover) at high for 1/2 to 45 mins.

Rice should be soft and translucent when done. When done, stir it, then cover it and let it "sit" while you prepare the cream.

Heat coconut cream, add a little thickener, add sugar (if needed) and the extract of choice.  I love vanilla and screwpine (which makes it green).  The cream should not be too thick.

Cut mangoes into little chunks.

Serve sticky rice with coconut creme on top with mango slices either on side.  If you refrigerate, remember to cover well or the rice will dry out.  Reheat in microwave with a little bit of coconut.

Enjoy!

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Chilean Miners Rescue: Human Strength of Spirit

News of the trapped miners' dire straits the last two months have existed for me pheripherally--I was aware of it, but after the initial dismay of hearing about another mining incident, it became just news. Like almost everyone else, I'd thought most of them wouldn't have survived.

Then, news came that they were alive and again, after the initial spark of "wow, amazing, after all this time," I continued with my own day-to-day chores. Again, pheripherally, I read the news about the plans for rescue, of the victims' families and friends praying.  I remember hoping that it'd all work out, but when they said it might take four months before they could reach those trapped men, in my mind, I was prepared for failure.  I mean, four months?  In the dark, with all kinds of crumbly rocks threatening to crush them? And how about the injured ones?

Last night reminded me to not doubt so much.  The human spirit and will to survive is a beautiful and amazing thing.  Only humans would work day and night to rescue their kind the way we have--cutting through rock, inch by inch, using everything in our power (brain, prayer, technology, bare hands) to triumph over what seemed the impossible.

The 33 miners are being brought up one by one by a special capsule that rivaled Star Trek stuff.  Here's the video of the first miner coming out of the shaft--Mr. Florencio Avalos.  The reunion between him and his little son brought tears to my eyes.



Over sixty days in the dark, relying on a tube to bring them food and news, relying on their ownselves to keep the faith while they know their family was above them somewhere, also willing them to be alive.  I'm amazed and awed at what we, as humans, could do.  At times like this, I forget about our political strifes and Wall St. greed and hold out hope that we are really pretty cool for a species capable of self-destruction.

It makes me cheer.  It keeps me hopeful.  And recharges my Muse to keep writing hopeful HEA romances.

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Glee Duet

Saw the Glee duet tonight giving homage to Barbra Streisand's and Judy Garland's Happy Days/Get Happy duet.  I remember watching that on my dad's black and white TV 1000 years ago with my mouth open and my mind going, WOW! WOW!

And I love Youtube because it always gives me a chance to revisit that kind of memory.  Here is the original duet by the famous Divas.  Remember: No such thing as AUTOTUNE in those days. Amazing.

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Virtually One Snippet 1

"It's about damn time!" Helen ran towards the lone naked figure and jumped into his waiting arms, wrapping her legs around him. She'd never been this happy to see Hades in her head. "I've been wondering whether you're really as smart as I thought, always one step ahead and all that, not using this sooner to--"

Hades' head bent and his way of shutting her up was very effective. She'd missed him--this and his presence inside her head. She had a ton of questions. Why was she stuck here? Why didn't he show up for so long? She'd been--she didn't want to admit it--a little afraid because she couldn't fight whatever that thing was alone.

But right now, his lips on hers made everything all right again. His kiss was deep and searching, as if he wasn't sure about her. That pissed her off enough to grab a fistful of his blond locks and tug hard. She kissed him back fiercely. What--did he think he was dreaming again?

He broke off the contact and held her face between his hands. Those brown chocolatey eyes stared deeply into hers for a long moment. His expression was different from the sexy Hades smoldering gaze that she'd given him.

Helen stuck her tongue out at him.

His hold tightened and still without a word, he kissed her again. Completely this time. She sighed, happy to have convinced him. Yeah, none of that tantative shit from her Mr. Perfect.

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So I Went Shopping In The Land of Giants

It's very rare that I take time to do much shopping of anything other than for food and roofing supplies.  I do like browsing around, but what with the bad economy (trying to conserve money), working all the time and being on my feet for most of the seven or nine hours, thus making me rather reluctant to walk up and down any more aisles, and rushing around getting paperwork and chores done, shopping is a luxury that I might sneak in once or twice a year.

Yesterday was one of those times.

I decided to check out several things.  First was the fashion department at several big stores.  Are women getting taller?  The last time I checked, I haven't been meeting any whose crotches are in my face while I'm standing. I mean, the length of the jeans, held up against my twee lil' bod, reached from my eye to my feet.  So, women have somehow become tall like the Navis and I just haven't met them yet.  I even checked the backside of these jeans to see if there were holes to accommodate the tails.

I then walked past the little girls' department. Is it the newest fashion among the kiddies to wear clashing colors and puffy sleeves? Dark purple shirts and green glitter and little hangy things on the side--WTH? Maybe it's a Halloween costume?

At the home improvement center, I went to check out washing machines and dryers.  Mine are very, very, VERY OLD, and although they still work, the dryer's timer doesn't, so I thought I'd just look at prices.  Wow. These super-duper models with the fancy buttons.  Do we need TWENTY different cycles to choose for a load? Seriously?! I've been washing my own clothes for a long while now, and I'm pretty sure either the Normal or Gentle cycle was all I've ever needed.

AND WHY THE HELL are these machines taller than me now?! Where are these damn Navi women washing their EIGHT CUBIC FEET of clothes that they need giant washers and dryers that look as big as a fridge?  If it's a top loader, do I need to bring my roofing ladder into the house now?

I ended up buying just necessities, but all these giganticism of goods started to haunt me.  For instance, do we really need toilet paper rolls that advertised themselves as FOUR TIMES BIGGER than normal? So, six rolls are now actually twenty-four. I remember when this trend started as twice the size, but now you can buy a big pack of twelve, which means you actually have FORTY-EIGHT ROLLS of toilet paper in your hands.

Why? Are Navi women and their families big somewhere else too that they need so much toilet paper? Why not just create one giant roll and be done with it?  I can see it now, sitting on the top shelf of the store, one spool of toilet paper the size of a tire, and the label on it saying it's actually ONE HUNDRED times bigger than the usual one roll. I'm sure it'd be a hit and housewives would be rolling them down the aisle and across the parking lot to their giant SUVs.

I'm sure it's not a coincidence that our TVs are now also Navi-sized, along with our Supersized Burgers and drinks.  The only thing that seemed to be getting smaller is my bank account. I demand someone to quadruple and supersize my savings, stat.

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I Knew Firemen Do This

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