You Know You're Watching A Horror Movie When...

1) the girl goes down into the basement alone. In her flimsy nightie. Calling out, "Hello? Anyone down there?"

2) the car breaks down in the dark countryside and the boyfriend sees a light far off and tells the girl to stay in the car all by herself while he goes for help.

3) some kid in a mask starts coming after other kids. With a chainsaw.

4) a nice normal family moves into a dilapidated house with 500 rooms that still have strange looking pictures and other people's things everywhere.

5) the new girl in town wakes up to find a vampire boy staring obsessively at her while she sleeps. And he glitters.

6) when, for fun, the slumber party girls take out an ouija board. And the camera changes to Someone Else's POV.

7) when a doll so demonic-looking no child would own starts talking. And he sounds like a late-night talk host on drugs. And he can kill even though he's just 14 inches high.

8) when the archaeologist has been warned that whatever he's digging up is holy/sacred/cursed. And then eyes gleamed out of the mask/mummified body. Or the thing moved. And there's always a landslide at the end.

9) when a group of travelers--usually young and adventurous--go to visit the Forbidden Place--usually a cemetery or an abandoned town--and then rotting things with bloodied limbs and faroff gazes start hobbling after them. And the camera starts going all shaky.

10) the creepy caretaker--nurse/butler/maid--becomes more and more sinister till she turns stark crazy and cut off the guy's foot to make sure he can't get out of bed.

Any other creepy movie tropes you'd like to add?

Happy Halloweenie ;-D.

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Things Smaller & Yet Bigger Than Me

Today, I worked on a roof in a housing area that's next to designated wildlife sanctuary (meaning, you can't build on parts of the woods). Near evening, I sighted a group of six wild turkeys walking by with barely a glance in my direction, even though I was making quite a bit of noise with my nailgun.

Then, as I was packing up to leave, I caught sight of two deer about 15 feet away, just wandering in the neighbor's yard. You know how one suddenly just freeze up with delight at the sight of fragile wild creatures? So, there I was, standing three feet from my truck, holding on to a heavy compressor, trying hard to stay still and not put the darn thing down because I didn't want to startle the deer.

I was about to topple over with the effort when the homeowner came out of the house. To my surprise the deer didn't run off; they just sort of circle back to the edge of the woods and I could see them peering from the shadows. The homeowner was an older lady and she smiled at me as she started her evening walk.

"They are pretty, aren't they?" she asked.

"Yes, and not frightened of humans at all," I said, as I heaved my compressor over the side of the truck. "I thought they would scamper off at the sight of me."

"They're shy, but they know they're safe here. Their mother was killed by a car when they were babies and somehow they managed to wander back here in between me and my neighbor. We were very worried about them because there was no mommy to take care of them."

Awww. So sad. I looked at the shadows, imagining two frightened Bambis that terrible night when they lost their mother.

"They appear in good health," I remarked. "And they're big now."

"Oh yes, they're much bigger. Earlier this year, they were tiny and you could see them curled up next to each other in the evening. One would sleep, its head resting against its sibling's, while the other kept watch. They took turns like that all night. The other neighbor asked around how to feed them and they ate from the feeder, thank goodness. They're fine now, but we still worry at night."

And now I worry at night too.

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Post #2: A Facial Story

I found this video morphing all of Priscilla Presley's photos from baby age to now fascinating. The way the certain facial movements stayed the same through the decades intrigued me. Also, I was amazed how the talented creator of this piece somehow made the face morphed while it was turning in the other direction. It tells a story, doesn't it? What would you title it?

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Words I'm Uber Tired Of

Once upon a time, these words were interesting. Then they became abused by a million netizens who use them over and over in cultist fervor. Now I start skipping posts that have them.

Privilege, as in blaming the "white privilege" or "male privilege" for some kind of unfair treatment. Yes, the whole world is against you, but I really don't care any more after 2,315,298 posts about other people deliberately misunderstanding the label because they are more privileged or happen to have a penis or are born white or have never been in your position due to fate or circumstance.

Heifer, as an insult. To me, it's equal to and may be even worse than the C word. I think it's horrible to call another person that word and I'm a roofer, used to the worst sort of name-calling.

Webinar, a word that makes me think ofl a seminar attended by ducks. Quack. quack, quack.

___Fail! which is now becoming a fad. It was funny when it started, as in QueryFail! and RWAFail! and RaceFail! or whatever the hot controversial topic of "bad behavior" by some group or other happened to be. But overuse has made it lose its impact. It's not cool any more, cool kids. #failFAIL!

Any word affixed to the word "green" or "carbon." I am TIRED of your greening or carbon-footprinting everything, okay? It makes me see red.

<3, which stands for "love," as in I <3 Gerard Butler. First time I saw that, I thought the "I" was doing Gerard Butler from behind. Or she wanted less than three Gerards. Or someone wants to show her boobs to Gerard. It is an irritating shortform. I'll take "heart" (which is also overused) over <3 any time.

"I want to have your babies." Words that basically shows how much you love someone or something. It's even funnier when it's a blog post from the same sex to another. Girl writing to girl: "Sally is awesome! I want to have her babies!" I've seen one male writing this to a female poster, which did crack me up. He wanted to have her babies--did he mean he wanted to take her babies or did he want to impregnate her or did he want her to impregnate him somehow? Hmm.

"At the end of the day." Come on. That was so pre-2008.

That's my Monday mini rant. Do you have words you want banned from the Internet from overuse? I'm sure there are plenty more.

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My New T-Shirt

When I saw it on sale, I knew I had to have it. Who can resist this tongue-in-cheek joke?

Almost as good as my version with Jesus wearing Arnohld sunglasses and saying in that classic monotone, "I'll be baack."


Isn't it a cute sly T-shirt comment?

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Let's Say You Have 50 Million Bucks

Would you...

1) let someone write and sign your checks for you?

2) let someone pay stuff without your knowledge?

3) NOT noticed it until 40 million of it are gone?

Apparently, (1) and (2) are normal for wildly successful personalities who are too busy making too much money. Say, for example, Patricia Cornwell, who, according to this news article, lost said $40,000,000 because her investment company mismanaged her funds. By mismanagement, I mean, highly illegal stuff like the fund manager cutting a $5000 check for his daughter's Bar Mitzvah. From her account. Without asking her.

And here I was complaining about my bills this morning. I should've called Ms. Cornwell's fund manager to send me several signed checks to take care of my problem ;-P.

Anyway, I'm thinking that if I ever have 50 million dollars in the bank--heck, 10 million, I'm not greedy--please, God, give me the wisdom not to let someone sign my checks while I'm busy, busy, busy writing.

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Why, Mr. Ralph Lauren, Why?

Is it because you think a woman's waistline smaller than the size of her head means she's so much smarter?

Is it because you just think women should look like bobblehead dolls?

Is it to tell your daughter and her friends that she can never achieve this kind of thinness to be perfect?

Is it because you've lost your sense of proportion?

I can't figure it out because you know, the Real Women looked so much more lovelier than your Photoshopped Copies.

Here are the models RL has made into aliens with no tummies. Apparently aliens don't eat:

Philippa


Valentina

Here are the same models who already look inhumanly gorgeous and whose figures are impossible for us to attain:

Philippa

Valentina

So any one of you out there have a head bigger than your waist? Send Ralph Lauren your photo!

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Not Quite A Nightmare

I think my mind is finally processing about my fall from the roof. Early this morning I dreamed I was roofing (I seldom dream about roofing any more) but this was on a somewhat rickety thing high above a very muddy sea. I was looking at some beautiful black swimmers who were naked (heh, well, don't ask me what my brain was processing about this detail, LOL) while walking up and down this roof. The roof didn't feel stable so I decided to cut the tar paper to see whether it's been nailed off properly, but when I did so, I found that an entire sheathing is missing and I could look all the way down below! I've been walking up and down this roof without falling through. All the beautiful black males watched me as I scrambled off this unsafe contraption.

The end.

LOL. My brain. It crazy.

I thought I'd have some kind of falling dream because that had nagged me quite a bit--not remembering how I landed--but I guess what I couldn't recall can't be processed ;-).

Now if only I can just dream of beautiful men swimming in the ocean minus the working on a roof with a hole bit...and me frolicking among them.

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Pornigami: You Too Can Make Jed's Scimitar of Lurv

You know you want to try it. You know you want to make it like the Jedness' likeness. You know, Hell's "Scimitar of Lurv." You know it's going to be the funnest thing to do while you're bored.

I dare ya.

I'm going to offer a workshop on pornigami at RWA next year, what d'ya say? And yeah, these would make fantastic napkin placements for an important dinner! :D

Oh, NSFW. I think.

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More VHers Reviews & Reactions

Two new reviews of VIRTUALLY HERS:

Mrs. Giggles

and

Babbling About Books

Very cool! Thank you to these sites for taking the time to review my ebook.

***************

I've also been getting some wonderful emails from happy readers who enjoyed VHers and Jed's antics. I even received one asking about Jed's "scimitar of love." Yes, some reader wants me to send her a pic of Jed's penis. It made me laugh. Another was happy Jed finally got an emotional punch, after all these years. Many were intrigued by the appearance of a certain missing couple. And a few asked where to buy a certain toy.

So, many, many thanks for the emails. They made this author very pleased.

And yes, I definitely have a pic of Jed's penis. I'm just waiting for enough requests to show "it." Bwahahaha.

P/S Virtually Hers was #2 this weekend! Hoppity-hoppity-bounce! And oh, you can now download VHERS onto your Kindle too!

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Post #2: Uber Ouch

Dear Moon,

I know how you feel. My head kissed some concrete a few weeks back and yeah, it felt like someone shot a rocket at my noggin too. And I'm still recovering.

Poor Moon.

Teeshirt available at:

Zazzle.com

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Why Mess With The Moon?

Dear Nasa,

You must be bored.

I suggest you and your many bored friends should go buy VIRTUALLY HERS and enjoy a day off reading at the beach or something. Shooting rockets to the moon, seriously? Seriously? I mean, aren't we 10 gazillion dollars in national debt? I know, I know, it's not "your" money. Or real money, as it is.

You know what's more exciting than shooting rockets at the moon?

WAKING UP and finding Virtually Hers is #3 on the bestselling list at http://www.mybookstoreandmore.com/shop/ :-)! Look at the list on the right column. Yay, me.

Thank you, everyone, for buying my first ebook. I'm very excited at the response. It's good to know readers are looking for VHers!

And what are your plans for this weekend? Have a good one!

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Your Uber VIRTUALLY HERS Yak Thread

You may now start your conversation, voice your opinions about Jed and Hell, make noises about the MeanJenn, kick Jed's butt, send Armando love, analyze Heath Cliffe, pick on anything, do your own remote-viewing, make up your virtual reality scenario, scream about that One Crate Scene, figure out the time-line, mock the Jed dictionary--wow, the list keeps growing!--AND do any praising (yes, author has ego) in this here thread.

I want to hear it all.

Below are more links to reviews of VIRTUALLY HERS:

RILEY MERRICK

PEARL's WORLD OF BOOKS

DON'T TALK JUST READ

If this is your first time ordering an ebook, I posted instructions in yesterday's blog. Please let me know if you have any more questions.

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How To Order Ebook From Samhain

Thanks to Lady Zannah/Cleo who wrote these instructions:

1. Go to http://www.samhainpublishing.com/authors/gennita-low

2. At the bottom of the screen there is a link “Buy from MBaM” click on it

3. That link takes you to My Bookstore and More website, to the page of the book you want to purchase

4. Click on the “Add to cart” button and then click on the “Continue to checkout” button (unless you’re not done shopping)

5. If you are a new user, fill out form on the screen. If you have an account you can login on the right of the screen

6. If for some reason you don’t get sent straight to your shopping cart, the little cart icon is on the top right of the screen. Finish your checkout process and the book will be available for download once you pay.

7. You also receive an email with your transaction but they don’t send you a link to download your book that way. You can however, download from your account’s “ebook shelf” link on the bottom right hand of the screen.

8. I use Adobe Digital Editions reader but that is only because I downloaded that particular program from Adobe’s website. A regular Adobe Reader works perfectly for their ebooks. For downloading the pdf reader go to: http://get.adobe.com/reader/

9. MBaM also offers ebooks in .epub; .zip; .lit; .prc; .rb and .imp formats for those interested. Make sure to choose the format you want before you purchase the book.

10. Most important: I love Heath & Cumber babies. Happy Reading! (This last point is not needed to buy Virtually Hers ;-) )

**************************
Thank you, Cleo.

If you click on the ABOUT E-BOOKS link on the site, it'll tell you all the different ways to read an ebook. I've cut and paste a few examples:

The many ways to read an ebook

The number of ways you can read your ebook depends upon the file format you choose. Choose the format that best suits how you would like to read your book.

Adobe Acrobat is a free program for your computer or PDA. This format is the most popular: it can be read from your computer screen or imported to a Palm or Pocket PC and, if allowed by the publisher, can be printed.You can download this free reader at www.adobe.com.

HTML is the most versatile of all the formats. It can be read from your computer using your favorite browser. It can be used to convert to your favorite ebook reader’s required format (such as the Hiebook, the Rocketbook and the REB series readers) or can be sent via email directly to your Kindle. It can also be opened by a word processing program such as Microsoft Word or Open Office. You can print this file, but it will print as one continuous page.

Microsoft Reader can be read from either your PC or from your Pocket PC. It’s easy to use, the program is shaped to look like a book and it has read-aloud capabilities. This reader does not allow for printing. You can download this free reader at www.microsoft.com/reader.

I hope these instructions help those of you new to electronic books. If you have any other questions, don't be shy, ask them here. I'll be glad to help.

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First Time E-Book Buyers

From your emails to me, I'm getting the feeling that some of you are venturing into ebooks for the first time. Virtually Hers is coming out as an ebook first and print next year, and I'm very happy that you aren't going to wait till 2010 ;-).

If you have any questions about ebooks and the buying process, please comment under this post. I and other e-book readers will try to answer all your questions. I don't own an e-reader either, since I download the files straight into my computer and read them on my Esus laptop (small ten inch thing that's so light!). But many of those who stop by here are very savvy e-readers and they might tell you more than I can, if you're interested in purchasing one of the many devices out there.

Even if you only have a simple question about downloading from Samhain, do ask it here too. I want my readers, especially those who are trying out e-books for the first time, to have as little trouble with the process as possible.

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Winding Up

The last couple of weeks have been strange--full of weird accidents and incidences. I've been tiptoeing around because it felt like I'm walking on eggshells. Here is a short list of what went wrong:

1) I fell off a roof and landed on my ribs and head
2) I almost fell off the roof again
3) I cut my finger with a pair of scissors
4) I stepped on a bucket while climbing down the ladder and fell on my butt
5) My four year old fancy-schmancy TV broke
6) My two month old fancy-schmancy phone broke
7) I miss my novella deadline because I can't seem to stay awake after my fall
8) My coffee cup broke in three pieces while I was pouring hot water into it

Can you see why I'm sighing with relief as each day comes to a close and I'm still in one piece?! I swear, this week has been nervewrecking!

And next week, I'll be holding my breath even more. Why? Because VIRTUALLY HERS is finally out. My first book since my series was dropped by Mira Books two years ago. It feels good to be back. Yet, I'm also nervous about VHers' reception.

So I'm happy to announce that VIRTUALLY HERS' first review is out and it's a satisfied customer! Woohoo!

Thank you, "I Just Finished Reading...", for such a wonderful and detailed review of Virtually Hers. It was such a treat to come home with tired feet and head-and-back aches to find this great review in my email. Maybe my fortnight of horrors have ended and good things are coming...fingers crossed....

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