Overheard at RT: A man mumbled, "OMG I'm buying a drink for a man in wings."

I had a great time at the Faery Ball. I was wearing a wig and had my little shifter tail on too. But for some reason, my wig kept getting snagged by wings and waving hands of dancers all night and by the time I was sitting at the bar with my gang, I looked quite strange. I told people staring at me not to worry, as I was just shapeshifting.

I wrote a post about my Bond James Bond workshop at the RT BLOG. Do click on the link and check it.

Sat on Cindy Gerard's panel. Shared a drink with the wonderful Brenda Jackson. Talked non-stop with a great group of readers who had a bunch of questions.

Dropped by at a John Scalzi's table when he was here to do a signing. As always, he was amusing, gracious, and absolutely funny. I always have a great time when he's around.

Whew. I was so pooped that I needed an hour to recuperate. Then it was off to the Faery Ball (video above). I took some great photos of authors and readers glammed up as the fey. While you're patiently waiting for me to get home to resize them, check out the embedded video of the costume contest.

I didn't get back into my room till 2.45am! You know my body is protesting right now.

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Overheard at RT: Barry Eisler growled out, "Down on your knees."

So here I am at RT again, having a wonderful time mingling around my kind of people--readers who love romance and all its different sub-genres.

My morning panel. "Bond James Bond," went well. Everyone had a good time and I was invited to blog about it at the RT blog, so more details about that as soon as I get it done. My panelists were Barry Eisler, Robert Gregory Browne, Andrew Peterson, and Julie Kramer, every one of them a unique writer of the romance/suspense/thriller genre. They gave great insight about writing that character that stands out and POV from a killer mind-set. If you haven't checked their books out, I do recommend them because really, I was quite in awe after listening to their backgrounds and experiences. All of us write about assassins, killers, snipers, and the people who love them.

I went to Jennifer St. Giles' and Barry Eisler's panel which kept its promise that it'd be unforgettable. They read sex scenes from male and female writers after which the audience guessed and then gave reasons why. Well. Let me tell you that Barry Eisler has a sexay reading voice, and if you weren't there, you won't soon forget the way he put on that cowboy twang and growled out, "Down on your knees" from Victoria Dahl's sex scene. There was much giggling, but brave Barry masterfully kept right on ;-).

The discussion that followed was very interesting, with over 90 % of the audience being right at guessing the gender of the writer of each excerpt. Word choices, body positions, and aracter POV focus all gave clues, and there was much laughter again when a reader yelled out, "A woman would never write "he touched her pubic mound."" Barry nodded. "No pubic mound," he said, then, after a pause, he added, "I can't believe I used the word "pubic mound" in public."

I was much entertained.

I also spent a lot of time hugging people. Quick count of friends I've been eating, drinking, and chatting with: Brenda Jackson, Lauren Dane, Cindy Gerard, Cheyenne McCray, Shiloh Walker, Heather Graham, Mary Stella, Kathy Love, so many, many more, and this is still early afternoon, and I still had to attend some publisher spotlights and author get-togethers!

By evening, I was ready to fall on my face, but nope, the Ellora's Cave Fantasy Ball was on. This year's theme was "your sexiest red dress." Everyone looked fabulous, showing some red. I danced my feet off with Lauren Dane, Ann Aguirre, Anya Bast, Megan Hart, Cindy Gerard, and Victoria Dahl. Then, after a few drinks, I headed back to my room because my old bones were threatening war in the morning if I don't get off my feet.

Yes, yes, I left all those pretty male models behind in favor of bed. I must be getting old.

P/S Pictures when I get time to resize them. Solly.

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Doing RT The Untraditional Way: My Book Family Meets Up With My Other Family, or, You Know Jenn's Going To Be A Headless Chicken

Nope. Didn't fly. I'm protesting the stupid Airline Bundling Program in my little way. Hey, Airlines-Looking-For-Revenue, I'm a customer, not a package you have to delivered. I'm someone looking to go somewhere in the easiest, most relaxing way possible, and right now, YOU ARE NOT IT. And I'm not a hassle to your BUSINESS. Not a piece of stinky meat you have to pass on. Not some group of strangers you can trapped in an airport or a tarmac for three hours because you think we're animals wasting your fuel. I REFUSE. So, I'm driving. And taking my own sweet, relaxing time. Eff you.

Ahem. Rant Button Off.

I spent most of yesterday and most of last night driving to Ohio. It dawned on me last night, while careening through the dark mountains in Virginia and West Virginia, that I've never driven through the Appalachians in the dark. It's always been breathtaking scenery and wonderful mountain driving. Umm. Not in the dark. There was fog and crazy, intense truck drivers, with none of the view, which perhaps, was a good idea, since, everything seemed to be hurtling past at a near-uncomfortable speed, even though I wasn't speeding. Mountain curvy roads in the dark--chalk that experience for a future commando scene!

At the rest stop, I was the only little car there and there were many big burly truck drivers stamping their feet and stretching out inside the facilities. Me not skeered. I bravely donned my Florida hunting jacket and marched inside to get me a candy bar. IT IS WINDY COLD at night in the mountains! Whoa, my poorh Floridah Butth.

Quickie memories from daylight:

***Strangest sight was watching this huge mosque loomed up out of the blue while listening to Christian channels sermonizing and singing. It was very pretty but gave me an unexpected laugh because I was just fiddling the radio stations, which jumped from one Christian gospel thing to another--which was fine, only I was getting tired and wanted something more peppy--and then I looked left and the sight of the huuuuge golden dome amidst local bluegrass music woke me up. I won't forget that too soon.

***I got a kick out of listening to the West Virginian weather lady on some channel. Her accent was totally mesmerizing. She sounded as if she was putting the accent on the wrong syllable. Kinda like me, to many people, heh heh. Anyhow, she came on faithfully every fifteen to twenty minutes, and I loved her for making repeated weather patterns of the coming 24 hours seemed so exciting.

***Taking a side trip to my university. It's still the same, down to the same two pubs I hung out in--The Pub and Pawpurrs. Down to the SAME table with my scratched lover's name in the corner. I loved the windy roads that shouldn't be able to fit two cars at the same time. I checked out the woods where I threw away the ring my first boyfriend gave when he broke up with me, and had a good laugh because man, that was a gold ring, bought when gold was $300 an ounce. Gold is over $1000 now. Shoot. Damn. Pooh. I peeked into the library that I'd loved so much (8 storys of books!!!). Of course, I bought an over-priced teeshirt. Gah. Tricked by sentiment again.

Anyway, I'm staying overnight at my sister (yes, I have many, many siblings and we have invaded many of the states). My two nephews just came home and they're these TALL GAWKY teens. When did they grow that tall? Also, the Chinese just don't call their relatives "cousins" or "aunts" or "hey," we actually have designated names that tell each other where we stand in relation to age and which side of the family. Only, I've kind of forgotten. Usually, it's my sisters introducing me to the kiddies all over again and then they mouthed the proper respectful term. But my sis is at work. So the two TALL GAWKY teens, used to being to nudged by my mom, just stood there looking at me to prompt them and I...blanked. Was I the "YeeMah" or "KuMah" or "KuChieh" or "Tai-something-other?"

They stood there and stared. I stared back. Awkward silence ensued."

Finally, I said, "Hey."

LOL. I'm very traditional, can't you tell?

This is the start of my weeklong adventure. Romantic Times Convention meets family stuff. Romance models meet siblings attending signings. Crazy costumes vs well-bahaved author. Oh, boy.

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A Movie Character I Remember

My friend spoiled me on the plot points of the movie, Shutter Island (hey, I'm a spoiler slut), and the story immediately reminded me of another movie I enjoyed from years back.

For those of you who'd watched Shutter Island, try to Netflix or rent the movie called The Ninth Configuration. It's starts out as a weird movie, set in post-Vietnam US about certain inmates in a weird place (a castle here, as opposed to an island), and the appearance of the new military psychiatrist to figure them out. Only, things are never what they seemed. And, there is one heck of a violent payoff scene near the ending that had the audience gasping and cheering.

I was telling my friend that this was pre-Shyamalan, so the concept of a shocking ending was relatively new. Like Shutter Island, The Ninth Configuration was a book first and as far as I know, the movie stayed true to the novel.

Anyway, it starts out talky, with very odd characters, and then wham! Also, Stacy Keach had never looked better--tall, lovely cheekbones, and broad shouldered. That movie made me a lifetime fan of his.

Oh, lovely wonderful 21st century--I just found out that you can catch all nine parts on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=86C7E6F8FB9598F4

Warning--near the end, that final violent scene can be a bit much for some of you (YMMV).

Through the years, I've shown this movie to several military friends, some of whom are Vietnam Viets, and they were rolling their eyes at the beginning, thinking this was some typical talky movie analyzing them, and then WHAM! by that ending scene, they were all screaming at the screen too ;-). So I hope that kind of gut reaction is still there for today's more CGI-stunted movie-antics worldly audience.

(Mo, you'll have a great time dissecting this tortured soul. I know you will ;-P)

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Too Bad He's Gay, Eh?

Mrs. Giggles brought this to my attention. Not his gayness ;)...this pretty video!



I thought it was very sexy. Don't you?

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Why Male Writers Kill Off The Hero's Love Interest

Two weeks ago, Jack Bauer finally had sex on 24 and yeah, his woman died not long after. That Jack, he is just the death sentence for his loves (wife, mole/lover, South American mistress--all dead). The only surviving one is blubbering Awwwdrey and no, we don't care about her. Never did.

Anyway, I'm always amused when I hear males talking about alpha males. Because in their minds, the Alpha Male always leaves their women behind in the end, or else the poor females die because of them.

In an interview, Howard Gordon, the exe. producer, spoke of Jack needing an emotional anchor and Renee was it, like a soul mate of sorts, and then bam! They decided to off her. When asked whether that was the correct decision, Gordon said he didn't know till his wife cried and then he knew that it was.

What the hell is wrong with male writers writing about romance? Tears of anguish = win???! The fact that they kept taking away every possible sliver of sunshine in this guy's life means the right decision? Why?

The funniest part of the interview, though, was very telling. On the subject of HOW LONG does Jack lasts in bed, well, obviously men AND women have the same romantic ideals:

I thought it was interesting that you cut away from Jack and Renee for two whole acts after they started making love. Did a lot of thought go into how long it takes Jack Bauer to make love to a woman?

GORDON: Oh absolutely. And, by the way, Jack and Renee were not by any means done. I think this was probably closer to Round 1. I mean, he was just getting a glass of water. So yes, we were very sensitive about it because it’s a very sensitive thing. We really wanted to do it as tastefully and virile-y as possible for a man like Jack Bauer.

Alpha males must be good in bed and also be ready for several rounds *evil grin*. Of course, in the men's head, the Alpha male cannot stay in contact too long with girl cooties because that might rob him of his super powers or something. I suppose, in their eyes, that's true because a fallen Alpha Male = domesticated, always stuck to one woman. For example, look at Jack when he was with Awwwdrey. He hung up his guns and chose to be a sort of a kept man because of his love for her; in short, his Jack Bauerness was leashed because of his feelings for her.

Awww.

Now you know why men sneer at romance. They're afraid. Love and commitment in their minds mean something entirely different from our female version. So, love, yes, but then the love interest must go, by hook or by crook.

So now you know why guy books never have happy endings. They

1) want to make women cry
2) are afraid of losing their masculinity and become boring
3) need an excuse to rampage ;-).

An amusing collection of wiki-facts for Jack Bauer Fans: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Jack_Bauer_Facts

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Airplane Debundling Suggestions

I have been checking out airline tickets to Ohio (Romantic Times Convention). Do you know Spirit Airlines is charging $45 for a CARRY-ON? WTF? Not to mention that airlines are already charging for a piece of luggage not taken onboard. That's about $70 on top of one's ticket, isn't it?

I read that this is called "debundling," as opposed to the stupid cable/cellphone practice of "bundling." Every item will cost the passenger more. Want a pillow? $5 Want a blanket? $10 Food is already gone, of course, unless you order from a menu that cost $10-$20.

You would think that it'd be easier to just give their customers what they want, with a higher ticket price. Because it's going to cost the same anyway. Let's say, instead of pretending that the ticket is $250 roundtrip, just tell me it's $350 and don't hassle me with charges on luggage, pillow, whatnot, okay?

If, in fact, debundling is the only way to make a profit (I so seriously doubt this logic), I have a suggestion to the airlines. They should just go ALL THE WAY with this new policy. Tell their customers that:

1) bringing their own oxygen mask will cost $5 less

2) all passengers bringing a gallon of airplane fuel will get $20 off the ticket

3) charge extra if air attendants are on board. WE DON'T NEED THEM ANY MORE; just put a vending machine in the front and back of the plane for those who need to buy food/beverage, pillows, etc.

4) bring your own seat! Taking out the seats would let everyone of different sizes to have their own space. This would make the plane lighter and less fuel consumption! Hooks on the floor for different ways of clicking on your seat belt. $10 less!

5) in fact, someone who knows how to fly a plane should get plane ticket! That way, pilots can be laid off for certain trips and money taken out of their salary! Save, save, SAVE!

6) for longer plane trips, bring your own plastic cup and paper plate! $5 off.

See? If you see me huddling on the plane floor with my own paper plate and cup, a seat belt tied haphazardly, with only my laptop to keep me company and my security blanket to keep me warm, an empty gallon fuel container by my side, and the flight attendants ignoring me as they walk by to help the Silly Overpaying First Class Peeps, you know I'm flying really, really cheaply.

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Characters That Stand Out

Like most self-employed people, I'm deep in Taxes Doodoo at the moment. Did you know that the IRS has videos on YouTube?! I know, right...need help? Just go to Youtube...every darn thing there, including helpful hints from the IRS. I can't decide whether the Information Age is pervasive or invasive.

I'm loving all your thoughts about the hero/heroine characteristics from my previous post. Please continue to give me your opinions and ideas in the comment area. I'll write a more conclusive post about the topic once I'm out of the government paperwork. As it is, I think I'm going to have an awesome panel at RT!

Definitely, the name, James Bond, strikes a chord with people, fan or not. He's part of the cultural vernacular, an icon that stereotypes a certain ideal. Can you think of a couple of character names that have stuck around with us, be it from a romance book (or any other genre) or a TV show that brings instant recognition to people (or at least, fans of that genre)? Especially heroines. Off the top of my head, I have a few nominations:

Buffy
Count Dracula
Sherlock Holmes
Nancy Drew
Eve Dallas and Roarke
Dr. Who
Stephanie Plum
Jed McNeil Heh, heh, couldn't resist, sorry
Jack Bauer
Gidget and Moondoggy
Steve McGarrett
Wolf McKenzie (and his sons!)
Mr. Darcy
Heathcliffe

I threw out the above names to my roofers and crapenters and they recognize 80 percent of them. You guess it--they failed in the romance book dpt. (Wolf, Mr. Darcy) but hey, one actually knew who Jed McNeil was, LOL. That made me laugh. Very heartily. I called my bookseller friend up and she recognized all the names. We readers are such well-rounded people :-).

When I give the introduction to my panel discussion, I'll definitely mention a few of these names and maybe get a show of hands. That would certainly bring home to the attendees why memorable characters make a story, right?

Do you have any for me?

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Feed Me

I have two re-roofs to do before the end of the month when I fly off to the RT Convention in Columbus, OH. That's cutting it close, between weather, luck, and waiting for permits and inspectors. It's been back to working to 7 or 8pm at night this past week--not complaining but my body is! And tax time is coming up too! Why, why, why do pile-ups like this happen to me? :P

Anyway, here's a dateline assignment that you might be able to help me with. One of the Romantic Suspense panels I'm moderating is called Bond, James Bond, and I've invited three male and two female authors.

I have an idea about questions I'd be fielding, but would love to hear your suggestions too. From the topic, the general idea is to focus on the authors' main characters--how they work and why they work within their stories and how they appeal to the fans of those books. Just like James Bond, ya know? You hear the name, you immediately know who and what he is, and certain things about him appeal to different fans--his debonair suaveness for the players; his high-tech toys for the geeks; and his tall, dark, ruthless self for those of us that like eye candy with a dangerous flair.

So, if you could just throw me a couple of bones to gnaw on. Here are some general questions for you to get specific on, and the more specific, the better, since then I can steal your wonderful ideas to make my panel more interesting! It doesn't need to focus on the romance because a few of the writers aren't writing full-out romantic suspense. I'll expand more on the following questions afterwards so you don't just say "ditto" to my thoughts because that isn't going to help me at all, you know :).

1) What attracts you to the hero/heroine/main character?

2) Something characteristic

3) Bond kills. Killing factor in novels

4) Balance of romance and suspense. In Bond? Relationship? Growth?

5) Power balance

6) Point of View

7) Why you can't put the book down

It'd be so helpful if you could pick a couple of points and run with it here. I want the panel to be the Most Awesomest Evah. Ha. Actually, I want to engage my guests and the attendees in an interesting conversation that would give a clear idea why certain characters attract many readers/fans, thus giving those who are writing some insight into tightening their own novels as well as those who are just fans a good time discussing their favorite authors' characters.

Okay, then. I roof, you write.

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Makes Me Wanna Write M/M

Oh yeah, my new Dieux du Stadt calendar has arrived (late, but worth it!). Here's a video of the poses this year. I think Kylie Minogue's sexy song is the cherry on top. This year's calendar definitely has some delish homoerotic poses. Made me wanna try writing some m/m fiction ;-).

BTW, if you really want to read a hawt and suspenseful m/m (assassin & his target-turned-lover), get the e-book Zero At The Bone by Jane Seville. Good story, believable male POVs, sexual tension to the max.

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The Magic Hoo Ha

Mrs. Giggles has been busy giving lessons on a certain type of romance heroine anatomy ;-). Look what she did:

Heh. Too funny. Ya gotta admit we see this Magic HooHa theme quite a bit!

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Release Teh Kraken!

Dinner last night. Much joking ensued.

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What Is Wrong With Just Feeling Good? Or, Another Long Meandering Post About Those Who Try To Understand Us

GO DUUuuuuuuKe!

Ooops, sorry, if you're a Butler fan. I find many people are Cinderella lovers; even if they don't watch basketball, the story of David (Butler) beating up on Goliath (Duke) has them rooting and cheering for the smaller college. And I don't blame the instant fans because I love a feel-good story myself, and Butler played like a team on a mission through the night, down to that last second heart-breaking Hail Mary that almost, but didn't. However, for once, I was on the side of the Big Bad because Duke has my heart. Unless, of course, if Notre Dame is involved. Then that's another story :).

It's funny, isn't it, that, if you ask everyone, this tale, if it had a happy ending, with that final shot going in and making Butler--a nobody school--the Big Champion would have everyone jumping up for joy. It is some kind of inherent DNA switch that come on, that we humans WANT the smaller to beat the bigger, and when they do, we get a euphoric nod from the universe, as if that win reflects our hope that we too can beat the odds.

Yup, we love us our Cinderella-makes-good stories. When I think about it, the story really doesn't fit the analogy--why is the school compared to Cinderella? After all, the players aren't mistreated by evil step-kin and made to clean the hearth. And there aren't any glass slippers, balls, pumpkins or fairy godmothers.

I know, I know, I take things too literal sometimes, but I really wanted to know why Cinderella. Why not Three Little Pigs, who outsmarted the Big Bad Wolf? Or, Snow White, which also had an evil stepma and lots of cute dwarfs to her get a slam dunk? Further research gave me the answer and it is BILL MURRAY for whom we can blame this odd term. Of course it's from Caddyshack. It's popular college vernacular we're talking about, and of course they wouldn't be referring to any fairytales. Duh, dude.

In Caddyshack, Bill Murray, our favorite half-crazed character, was self-announcing his own fantasy golf: "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion." So, there you have it. College kids think Cinderella is Bill Murray, a greenskeeper with a gopher complex.

Still, mix-up and all, the public roots for the Cinderella team because it wants that happy ending. The TV producers want that happy ending because then people would tune in and watch and give them happy ad revenue, another kind of happy ending. Heck, I'm beginning to think we all want that happy ending for our own selfish happiness ;-).

But not so for us poor pitiful romance readers.

We, romance readers get bashed ALL the time because our stories have happy endings. There's Oprah, who thinks romance books are just so damn unrealistic in life. Everything must have a horrific heartwrenching ending to be "realistic" to her. So, I'm going to assume that she's satisfied that Butler's defeat proves her theory, that in real life, everyone must end up unhappy.

It is, as if, we can say Cinderella defeated the evil stepmother and her nasty stepsisters, but what? she married the Prince too? You got to be kidding me. That's just so...unreal!

Many try to shame us into hiding our reading habits. Others call what we read non-books. Even writers denigrate the genre (Nicholas Spark, eyeballing you here) and some previous romance writers run from their roots after changing genres. Somehow, romance readers aren't allowed to have Cinderella-loving DNA without inducing some people into eye-rolling, spotting Oxegen-channel-heebeejeebees who suddenly spout purple prose in haiku.

Also, lately, there's this new phenomena of romance studies, chopping up our love of the genre into feministic labels and philosophizing on topics such as the "hole" that the "magic penis" must enter, or some such deep matters. I kid you not. It's a conference of serious romance studies.

I've always posit that breaking down a novel too much takes away the joy of reading. Even though I love to do it and still think it's an excellent tool to help analysis skills, I also have a secret believe that those who become lifelong experts of a certain novel or author or genre tend to not see the story for the words.

And when I start reading fun romance topics like the Magic Hoo Ha become a literary topic at conferences, on how it relates to feminist studies and whatnot, my eyes start glazing and my brain turns to sticky candy. These topics are brought up as if they're something new and relevant. SERIOUSLY? The Magic Hoo Ha and the Big Penis Savior have been around forever, folks. We romance readers have been bandying those terms on the Net since, oh, I dunno, since before there were such a thing as discussion boards. Mrs. Giggles in the early 90s. AAR and Prodigy Romance Boards in the late 90s. I was there, and we were pure romance readers just happily yakking about our favorite (and not-so-favorite) books.

They were fun labels we gave so we could laugh at ourselves because we enjoyed these crazy romance tropes so much. They do NOT reflect our feministic needs to cure ourselves. Nor do they reflect our being strangled in a phallopaternistic society (not my theory, folks). Sure, we welcome new challenges--the -isms, the anti-this/that, the sexual freedom--but if those authors overpower their stories with their agenda, we turn away from them like a kid from veges. We want our meat.

Romances are feel-good stories. We champion our main characters and want them to win in life. We want our happy ending. That's all. We really don't go any deeper than that.

Perhaps if we drop our knowledge about the real Cindy and just go for the Bill Murray version? Maybe that'd help them understand why we enjoy our HEAs and HFNs without those scary analysis about how reading certain books reflect on our character/culture/knowledge/DNAIQGQBBQ?

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James Cameron Does Virtual Sex :)

I heard that there was a deleted sex scene in Avatar to keep in PG-13 in the US. I think it's included in the version shown in other countries. So, I googled and found the "steamy" deleted part:

EXT. WILLOW GLADE

He puts his face close to hers. She rubs her cheek against his. He kisses her on the mouth. They explore each other.

Then she pulls back, eyes sparkling.

NEYTIRI
Kissing is very good. But we have something better.

She pulls him down until they are kneeling, facing each other on the faintly glowing moss.

Neytiri takes the end of her queue and raises it. Jake does the same, with trembling anticipation. The tendrils at the ends move with a life of their own, straining to be joined.

MACRO SHOT — The tendrils INTERTWINE with gentle undulations.

JAKE rocks with the direct contact between his nervous system and hers. The ultimate intimacy.

They come together into a kiss and sink down on the bed of moss, and ripples of light spread out around them.

THE WILLOWS sway, without wind, and the night is alive with pulsing energy as we DISSOLVE TO —

LATER. She is collapsed across his chest. Spent. He strokes her face tenderly.

JAKE
Neytiri, you know my real body is far away, sleeping.

She raises up, placing her fingertips to his chest —

NEYTIRI
This body is real.
(she touches his forehead)
This spirit is real.

Her eyes are luminous, honest, infinitely deep.

NEYTIRI
When I was first your teacher, I hated all Sky People. But you have also taught me.
(whispering)
Spirit is all that matters.

She lays her head down, against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

NEYTIRI
I am with you now, Jake. We are mated for life.

JAKE
We are?

NEYTIRI
Yes. It is our way.
(innocently)
Oh. I forgot to tell?

He rouses up, making her look at him.

JAKE
Really, we are?

NEYTIRI
We are.

JAKE
It’s cool. I’m there.

He lays his head down, and her arms enfold him, sheltering him as he sleeps.

Whew. Tentacle Sex in Virtual 3-D! I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you.

So do you guys think my Jed's and Hell's 3-D Virtual Sex in Virtually Hers hotter than this scene? I mean, I'm jealous. Seriously. The ultimate intimacy indeed ;-). I think I'm going to have to make Jed and Hell blue in VR in the next book....

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Naughty Jokes For Naughty Jokers

MRS. GIGGLES has taken my trading card ideas from yesterday's post about romance icons (she ran with it like an overnight hurricane!) and added her very unique touch to it. Those easily offended should not click there. Those with Malaysian screwy sense of humor will love it. I have no other contribution other than being a bad influence, so all hate mail goes to Mrs. Giggles, please ;-).

As April's Fool jokes go, that one topped everything from yesterday.

Another good one I encountered: Someone brilliantly left a message on a local popular physical fitness trainer's answering machine, asking for personal training in getting more muscular. He left his name, Mr. Lyons, and phone #. The poor sod called the number and didn't notice that it was the Zoo until he asked to speak with MR. LYONS.

Verrrray niiiice.

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I'm Pregnant!

It's April's Fool Day. Fallen for any big joke today yet?

;-)

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I'm reading Patricia Brigg's newest Mercy Thompson book, Silver Borne. The story's a wonderful ride and I can't put it down long enough to feed the furbabies. Poor hungry furbabies.

What is your current read?

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American Idol has become American Midol this season. Everyone on has PMS. Outside of maybe two, the WTFery singing makes me question, "These are the best 12 of the thousands that auditioned?!"

But, I'm totally entertained by Tim Urban, a young man with a Donny Osmond hairdo, who sort of looks like him, but without the famous teeth or the singing ability. Of all the top-40 hits to pick, one week, he chose Anita Baker's Sweet Love. Imagine me going for Barbra Streisand's Evergreen. In front of 20 million viewers. Oh yeah. He did not disappoint. Muzak R&B, with desperate/despairing puppy eyes. I had to dig out my Anita Baker to cleanse my brain afterwards. Let's hope he tackles Streisand.

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Have you guys seen the commercial of Old Spice Guy on the Backward Horse? You know, Viking Dude (my UF) has Greek roots (don't ask, it's sort of complicated). I wanted him to meet some mythological Greek magical beings and have planned a centaur. But every time I've attempted to write that scene, the centaur comes out sounding like Old Spice Guy, which totally destroys the scene because it isn't supposed to be funny. Sigh. Maybe I'll have to make him funny.

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I thought these GEEK-A-WEEK trading cards very funny. It's a project by mad-talented cartoonist Len Paralta.

John Scalzi was the one who pointed me to the project through his blog. If you click on his name, you'll see that he's Week 4's Geek of the Week and he looks fierce. You should read the back of the cards too.

Wouldn't it be grand if romance authors get trading cards too? It'd be awesome sauce to see La Nora depicted as The Queen or something, and the back of the card would have WWND as the favorite chant. And for "famous mean thing" (all great authors should have a mean thing they've done) would be "boiling helpless puppies." Yeah. That'd be snarky evil comparison with Jennifer Crusie's card (The Professor), which would have "drives over grandmas" for her "mean thing." Or Sherrilyn Kenyon's Card (The Demon Huntress), which would have "I go swan-hunting for my hat." Heeheehee. I could go on but I'm already in enough trouble.

All references above, btw, are from Romancelandia inside...uh...jokes.

But still, wouldn't that set of cards sell like hot man tittie covers at the romance book fairs?

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