Wet Rainy Day News

Some good news! A small publisher wants to read a copy of Virtually His and then take a look at Virtually Hers. It's a good publisher and hopefully, the editor will like my writing.

The other piece of good news is that Big Bad Wolf's sales was really good this week so far! As of this morning, with orders from Australia, the number of BBW sold in one month and four days is...190 books. Yay! Thank you, readers and friends, for spreading the word. I think getting BBW out while many readers are looking for Virtually Hers online helped.

************

Let me add another little factoid for my five-storey ladder experience. It started raining today. Climbing down while it's sprinkling harder every step, with the wind getting from pleasant to suddenly gusty, as Florida winds tend to do, is a slippery experience. I had difficulty getting my grip and I also had to be careful with the narrow wet steel rungs. Dirty rubber shoes caked with asphalt dust suddenly turn into this hardened black slicky grime that get stuck on the railings. Can you imagine being the last one down and encountering everyone else's leftover shoe-grime? Ugh.

Then we weren't allowed to walk through the covered verandah of the building because that would mark up the pretty floors, so we had to track on this wet path through the back and around the bushes that grew near the pool. With our dripping melty tar grimed faces, hunched over with our load of tools, and our helmets all lobsided, we looked like a sorry bunch of sand zombies. I think we frightened one or two timesharers/owners coming back from the beach. ;-P

This was my last day for this particular job since we were done taking off all the metal panels that face outwards on the mansett of the building. Remember one of my last roofs where I was explaining about taking off shingles while hanging upside down the side of a barn? Well, this is a similar thing, except that it's MUCH higher and these are metal panels that can turn into deadly frisbees if you let the wind catch them.

There, all this info for you writers ;-).

***************

I came home earlier and took a much needed shower. This evening I'll be taking one of my old lady mutant poms to the vet because she has breast cancer. Prayers and good thoughts would be much appreciated. I've known this for a while, am prepared for one of those sad times one must go through as a furbaby owner, but right now, I'm hoping she can still undergo surgery. I can safely say that I'll climb tall buildings for my furbaby's health bills!

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Saturday's Uber Questions

1) Would you like to do another live chat on Writerspace again soon?

2) What do you do when it's raining so hard outside even moles are coming out of the ground, sputtering water and drowning?

3) Are any of your little toes longer than your big toe?

4) If you can have a free book in a contest in the near future, which title would you ask for?

5) Would you bungee-dive off a bridge in Costa Rica? If so, I know a certain ranger who will meet you there....

6) Obamiden or Obiden? LOL. Were you hoping for Obillary?

7) Do you like or dislike those posts that are cut-off/hidden after the first paragraph? You have to click on the "to continue reading, click here" link. Does that irritate you? I have been wondering why it does me. Because, you know, it's just one click away.

8) My birth month haul so far: a couple of books (Nora's newest In Death and John Scalzi's newest, Zoe's Tale), gift certificate, a free meal, a bracelet, chocolate, and half a box of nails. I love birthday months because more gifts are coming ;-).

Come on, you have to answer these important questions, or at least, let me know about the chat and the book contest ;-).

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POST #2: You Like? You Want? You Care?

Question: Should I take the chat area at the bottom of the page out? It IS rather small for a big chatting crowd, but three or four people can have a good time without the board going off-screen too fast. This way, if you have a quick question for me I can leave a longer answer in the chat area. What do you think?

*********************************

The time change always messes me up. I wake up thinking I have an extra hour and I don't. Like, it's almost 9am now and I feel behind already. It's 8am, feeding time! Grrr.

I spent the weekend writing, which make me very happy. I need to do more of this writing thing.

One email came in last week telling me that I don't talk about my books and characters enough on my blog. She said that the COMCEN Blog, Kirkland Files, and Intermundia posts are great, but I don't answer any reader's questions. She meant Gennita Low the author. She's fine with all the fun information with, and interaction between, COMCEN and readers, but she'd like more dissection from my point of view.

See, that's a tough call. I think readers would find it tedious if I "dissect" my books non-stop. I can talk about the characters when there is a chat going on, but for a daily blog post? That would be dull, wouldn't it? To be honest, I'm not even sure how exactly to resolve this problem because there's an inherent part of me that loves to accommodate my readers. What they want, I try to provide, within reason.

Do you feel a need for me to have a weekly GIMME A QUESTION about my books session? Like, perhaps, I ask for a question to be posted in the Shoutbox and I'll use that as a springboard for a longer post for the day. Is that something you'd like as a reader?

Just groping around here. In a non-sexual way, I mean, heh.

You may grope HIM if you like --> --> -->

Oh yeah. Angels. That reminds me. I have a snarling limping demon to deal with today.

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Post #2: Oh Lord. Whedon made Buffy GAY.

Courtesy of Vanessa Jay, who knows I love all things Buffy and Whedon.

BUFFY EATS MUFFY

Whedon claims it's just a one-time, girl experimenting thing. Oh, LIKE ANITA BLAKE, huh?

Sheesh. I don't know what to say. Except maybe Whedon should consider a threesome next time? Angel-Buffy-Spike. Yeah, just experimenting, Whedon, come on!

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A Side of Uber Ferret

Tell you what. I'll forgive Paul Tolme (sorry my puter doesn't do the accent over the e) calling what I write schlock and trashy this time. I don't care how HOT everyone is saying the pic on his website looks. Yeah, he'd probably look good in a loincloth on a Cassie Edwards cover.

Paul Tolme is the author of the infamous ferret that was the first thing ferreted from Cassie Edwards' books in the plagiarism scandal. Check out his essay about his discovery that his beloved ferrets were in the middle of a sex-ay scene:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/94543/page/1

His observations were humorous and his run-through of an Edwards' plot was accurately wry (and made him very attractive) as he referenced the ferret scene, poking fun at how "awkward and clunky" the dialogue was (meaning his written words that were plagiarized). But. He still made many dismissive remarks about romance readers, calling them "horny" at one point. Perhaps unintended, because the essay was funny and he was illustrating a point about the ludicrousness of a naked OMG romance moment with the appearance of a family of ferrets, but still give ammo to those who mock romance readers.

True, our kind of "wildlife" reading material may be worlds apart from Paul Tolme's love of wildlife. His last few paragraphs about the dying ferrets are poignant indeed. Perhaps he doesn't know that we are readers of ALL KINDS of books, even about wildlife and science, and that some of us crazy romance "bitches" may be supporters of his causes.

I mean, how would he feel, if people look at him and say, "You save ferrets? Aren't they all rats?" with the same disdainful demeanor that some people use when they comment, "You write romance? Aren't they trashy?"

Just a morning thought. GQ HOT he is ;-). I shall now dub him Sir Knight Ferretio.

*********************

Speaking about wild life, I'd like to announce that the incomparable Ranger Buddy started school yesterday. Sniff. I felt like a proud mamma.

Ranger Buddy, for the new visitors, is my roofing partner. Because of the slowdown in construction, he's taking the opportunity to go back to school to be a nurse. But first, he has to take all these classes -- math, English, Psychology.

He's already in trouble, folks. His English teacher is from Hong Kongwho claims he's an existentialist. He gave a short lecture to the kids plus one old dude (heh) about free will and predetermination and asked whether there were any questions. Sure enough, from the back of the class, the old dude said: "Free will and predetermination all goes down the drain on Friday when you run to the bank with the paycheck. That's when you show a lot of faith in that printed piece of paper, son."

Bwahaha. I've a feeling that English teacher is going to have his hands full of smart ferret shit.

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Uber Blind Deaf And Dumb

Dear Lauren Dane, George Clooney IS MINE! So is Gerard Butler. You can keep your Clive Owen because I'm generous like that, but stay away from my two Gs! George, Gennita and Gerry--that's right! And if you threaten to cut me again, I'll take bad pictures of you at RT next year, photoshop them, and post them on this very blog!

Heh. I love me a crazy running feud.

And let's give a shoutout to the COLORADO ROCKIES, shall we? That's one of my favorite teams although I can never seem to get to see them live whenever I'm in Denver. World Series, woohooo! It'd be so much fun to be in Denver right now, enjoying playoff atmosphere among my baseball buddies.

****WARNING: LONG RANT BELOW****

So in case you think I've been doing nothing but watching TV, I want to assure you that that's not true. So much going on! There's the trainwreck I told you about from a few days back, the one about Lanaia Lee and her ghostwritten "book of her heart" (yes, that's me dripping with sarcasm) with the plagiarized Gemmell prologue. It is still up on her webpage! And she, along with her agent, are now threatening to sue Jane from Dear Author for slander (wrong kind of suit, but hey, you can't teach someone with earplugs stuck deep in their cranium) because apparently, it's wrong to point out the truth.

I keep shaking my head as this story progresses because these two women would NOT listen to anyone trying to give them good advice, including TAKING DOWN the plagiarized material. Instead, they are sending readers from Lanaia's Yahoogroup to "scold" the different sites' posters for being mean people. Yikes.

As a published author, I literally bump into one person almost everyday who has written a book and wants it published. I'm not even surprised any more by strangers approaching me while I eat or shop, or even while I'm on a roof. Not for an autograph ;-), but for one of three things:

1) "I have written a book. Can you read it?"

2) "I have written a book. Can you help me get it published?"

3) "I have a wonderful story. Can you write it for me? I'll share my profits with you."

This tells me that there are many people out there who don't understand how publishing as a business works. And even when they think they do, they don't. This leads to me remembering how I got started.

Have I ever approached anyone on the street asking them to read my manuscript? No. Have I ever asked anyone to write my story? No.

Sure, I've gone down a few wrong paths during those early days, including answering an advertisement by Edit Ink, a notorious agency that scammed eager writers by charging them hundreds (to thousands, from what I heard) of dollars to help them "edit" their manuscript and then find a publisher for them.

But you know what? Even in my naivete then, something didn't smell right to me. I have done a little research by then, and even when I barely knew anything, the first thing I learned was that one DOES NOT pay to have one's work published. Most publishing/editing that charge are little more than vanity presses and unless it's what you want, then avoid them like crazy. I did not take up Edit Ink's offer to take my money, but as the years went by, I've met many an author, some successfully published today, who had admitted to giving a few hundred to a thousand dollars to this company.

I understand. We writers, the ones who want to share our stories with the world anyway, can get rather desperate. The need to see our work printed in a visible and public format haunts us. Being published delights our souls, even validate our self-image in some ways. So when someone offers us a way to get our books out there, it sounds like heaven to us.

However, there is desperation and there is desperation. There seems to be a line between wanting to share with the world and wanting to be famous. Of course I want to be famous too but my first priority has always been to write the story and share it with my readers. The fame is just a by-product, something I have to work for to get more readers with whom to share my stories. Am I making sense?

In other words, I want to be famous so I can reach more readers.

On the other hand, there's people like Lanaia Lee. There are many versions of her, but her basic story is very similar to those who have spent their last dollar just to get published. This is not a putdown on those who go to lulu.com to publish their books and with a few hundred copies, sell them at their leisure. There is a use for vanity presses. Sometimes, it fulfills a private need to see the words in print, to say that you published a book. If that's what you want, and if that's what makes you happy, good for you. And bully for you too, if you manage to be a presence on the web and in newspapers.

However, aside from the above example, as a published author, it pains me to know that there are actually people out there who would not see past their "published" books to understand that they have been scammed.

Lanaia's case has got to be the craziest one I've come across so far, what with an unknown writer hiring a ghostwriter who then plagiarized a famous author, AND then hiring an agent who gets her book published through a vanity press. It's mindboggling, trying to wrap my head around the whole deal, especially when the "author" is reproducing emails between her and this ghostwriter/scammer (just google Lanaia Lee, lots of details everywhere) to prove that she did "nothing wrong," when it's quite apparent that she's oblivious to the fact that the rewritten parts' writing wasn't similar to her own and that her ghostwriter was steering her toward "his" own plot.

In their heart of hearts, these writers have to know that people promising fame and fortune if they'd send them money are artists of a different sort, the same kind that sends those "foreign" emails that claim that they are General Abdoolstupido who has $50,000,000,000 worth of gold coins in some vault and because of some political strife in the make-believe country of Stoopidestan, need people to send them real cash so they can transfer these coins into your hands for safekeeping. Yet, we find people doing exactly that. Contact the "general" to exchange real cash for fool's gold.

The general good advice to follow in every situation is, if it sounds too good to be true, it is. Because, like Heinlein popularized, there ain't no such thing as a free lunch. And the more splendid an offer, the more suspicious the whole thing should be.

But we're talking about desperate writers, the ones who aren't about the words but the book. "I have a story. Write it for me so I can see my story in a book" kind of writers. So desperate that they would hire a ghostwriter for $$$ a month, with the end promise that there will be a book at the end of the bridge, when in reality, there is nothing there but a sheer drop.

Sheesh. I didn't mean to make this post a rant. I guess I'm more perturbed by the idea of blind deaf and dumb to the obvious than I thought! For those too lazy to google or read through the humongous thread from the Absolute Writer and Making Light forums, here is a short version of the art of being blind deaf and dumb, ghostwritten by my dog, Jiggle Low:

Author: I've written a book! Here's the excerpt! Read it! It's the book of my heart! It's going to be the next Harry Potter! It's coming out this October! Buy it!

Reviewer: (after reading) Umm. This excerpt is plagiarized from David Gemmell's introduction of Dark Prince.

Author: What? Are you crazy? I own the copyright! Watch your mouth!

Reviewer: Look, you can read the same excerpt from Barnes and Noble, under David Gemmell's book. You can't sell copyrighted material.

Author: It's my book! I copyrighted it!

Reviewer: if you're going to sell this book, I'm going to have to post it on my site that your excerpt on your website is an exact reproduction of...

Author: Shut up! I'm telling you! Shut up! Don't do it! You will be sorry!

Reviewer posted about this excerpt, with links to the book and to author's website. Many readers and writers post on author's chatbox, telling her to take down excerpt.

Author: You are all mean people! I am an invalid! I have had strokes! My husband is also an invalid!

Reviewer and readers: We're so sorry to hear that but you need to take the excerpt down.

Author: Mean! Mean! I'm going to have a stroke. I have done nothing wrong!

Author's Agent: I hereby curse you mean people! Shut up! Or I curse you over and over!

Author: Why are they so mean to me? Okay, so I didn't write that first part. It was ghostwritten by a scammer, 'kay? See? I told you I did nothing wrong!

Reviewer and readers: But it's still plagiarized. Take down the excerpt before you get into trouble.

Author: Trouble? I'll give you trouble! I'm contacting my lawyer and will sue you for libel! I have done nothing wrong. I'm innocent! Sue you, sue you!

Author's agent: (and I'm quoting straight from her yahoogroup) Diddo.

Reviewer and readers: It's not libel. It's slander.

Author: I'm wheelchair bound! I'm sick. Stress will give me another stroke. Then you'll be sorry. See here--reproductions of emails to my scammer. See how much I paid him? He's the bad guy here!

Reviewer and readers: We know you've been scammed. But you can't leave that excerpt up at your site. Take it down. And also, you can't just rewrite that intro by rephrasing sentences. It's called infringement of...

Author: Shut up! I'm innocent!

Author's agent: My lawyer is calling you right now! Oh yes! And I still curse you!

*****

As you can see, it's amusing and fascinating, in a crane-your-neck-at-a-highway-accident sort of way. This woman is more handicapped than she realizes. I feel sorry for her, but not in the way she wants.

P/S Jiggle Low charged me ten doggie kisses for that little piece of work.

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Uber Chat!

My Yahoogroup moderator has found a good place for an informal live chat. If you are interested in joining me, please visit http://www.writerspace.com/ at 9pm EST, Sept. 8, 2007 (this coming Saturday).

Here are her instructions:

Go to http://www.writerspace.com/. Along the bar to the left top of the page, choose Chat Rooms. On this page, on the right you will see Authors Forum. BEFORE you go in, if you are new to Writespace, you will need to register a nickname - just click the link above the Authors Forum to register. Follow the instructions on that page. Then sign into the room! Of course you can always register anytime between now and then and save the hassle on chat night.

I hope to see many of you there! Come in and say hi. I'm looking forward to meeting y'all.

**************

Talking about chattery, here's another Word Magic moment with my roofer, Da Linguist Linguini:

DLL: "I can't walk on this roof!"
RB: "Why?"
DLL: "I'm wearing new shoes and they don't have any contractions."
RB (without pausing): "Tell me when you start sliding six minutes apart."

**************

A conversation at Shit and Grits:

Alien (regular customer who really thinks he's one) (turning around to talk to RB) (Notice all these conversations are to RB and not me): "My friend asked me last night whether I would leave him all my money when I die."
RB: "Oh. Well, what did you say?"
Alien: "I said, I don't know. But it's okay, my friend's going to commit suicide anyway."
(Jenn covering her face at this point)
RB: "So you should give him all your money when you die. Save him from dying, you know? Do a good deed and all that."
Alien: "That's right! I can save his life!"
(Later, waitress comes by with the bill).
Alien: "Can I pay you next week? I don't have any money.
(Jenn banging her head on table)

********
I tell you, I'm surrounded by aliens. Let's hope we make more sense on Writerspace ;-).

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Ramblings

Horrors! I just realized that I'd probably not be able to give you my annual play-by-play relay of this year's Super Bowl =8-O. I'll be in DC with my mom and chances are, we'll be eating dinner. Imagine that. Me eating dinner and chatting with real folks. What are y'all going to do without my very knowledgeable colorful commentary?!

My brother-in-law loves football, though, so maybe he'll be watching this one. Then I have an excuse to come online and blog. Will I be able to pronounce this year's players' names? I will, of course, pick the winning team by what color they're wearing and how good they look in it. Extreme butt shots might give the team more points. Hey, it's not shallow! I mean, they're wearing helmets. I can't see what their faces look like, and they have these massive fake 1980s powerful female executive shoulder pads, so it's just butts and legs to judge, 'kay? I'm not shallow like that.

I wonder whether my mom would object her daughter's penchant for wine while watching and writing about the Super Bowl....

To the gentleman who emailed me last year informing me that football is a BEER-CHUGGING, not wine-sipping, event, I'd have you know that beer doesn't go well with chocolate truffles. Stupid man.

On the appliance war front, my airconditioner-heater broke. On one of the coldest nights of the year too. So now that makes three -- sprinkler, sink/disposal, and airconditioner (which I'm hoping is just about a part and not a whole replacement...I can't afford a $5000 expense!) So, yeah, I think I'm majorly losing this war. Wahhhhh.

On the writing front, I've been concentrating on a whole chapter of virtual reality seduction. I didn't want to go there but HE made me do it. It's essential to the story because according to HIM, seduction and bonding set off both chemical and brainwave reaction, integration, and synchronization. HAHAHAHAHA. Like I can't tell a horny guy is a horny guy is a horny guy, right?

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At Least It's Not A Dead Whale In The Backyard

Mood today:



Just so you know, the under-the-sink problem is now a mini disaster with warped cabinetry and fear of mold. Just so you know.

For those who don't give a damn about my water woes, here are this year's OSCAR NOMINATIONS, with some controversial leftouts (hint: Dream Girls) in the Best Movie category. They threw in our Chinese movie with Chow Yun Fatt and Li Gong in some costume category to make me happy. I mean, yeah, nice boob, I mean pretty shiny threads, shots, yo. Marky Mark (I bet he hates to be called that these days, hehe) got a shoutout. And I'm so going for Forrest Whitaker as Best Actor. Eastwood vs Scorsese, hmm. Eastwood already has two Oscars in his closet, Scorsese zero. I'm betting it's Jennifer Hudson's year, what do you say?

Oh, like you're interested! ;-) We are the shallow people--we only want to know what their gowns look like on Oscar night, right? So, do you girls want me to do my usual Oscar Night Run Down on the blog, if I'm in town and watching? Or is it going to bore you to tears (drink a few glasses of wine because that helps to see things from my perspective, ha)?

Did I mention about the gunky problem under my sink with warped cabinetry? No? Oh well, just another early morning distraction, that's all. Next headache--air conditioner.

Of course, those problems are nothing compared to the millionaires living by the beach. I mean, imagine. You look out to enjoy the sunrise and smell the surf and you see a 30-foot whale carcass. It's been a week. Think about the smell. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Million dollar scent.

I have no idea how they move a whale or bury it. I saw a TV news video when a they had a similar problem in the 70s. The city decided to dynamite this carcass so they could then use a front loader to move the humongous pieces. So the TV crew decided to tape the whole thing live. Everyone in town drove to the beach to watch a dead whale being blown up. So it was like a fish party.

The video showed the dynamite experts setting the explosives up. Then everyone stood at a safe distance and KABOOM!

Umm. The whale blew up, as planned, but it seemed that the experts forgot that blown pieces fly through the air. Chunks and chunks of fish fell on the people, and these weren't small chunks either. Windshields were destroyed. People were SCREAMING and running for their lives.

The clean-up crew had a lot of fish pieces to pick up.

Which is my roundabout way of telling you about my under-the-sink once-mini disaster.

**sniff**

So give the Oscar to ME, dammit. And send a cleaner with him too.

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