ANNOUNCEMENTS

VIRTUALLY HERS came out Oct. 2009. Get it at SAMHAIN Publishing. VIRTUALLY ONE coming soon.
VIRTUALLY HERS OUT IN PRINT AUG 2010.

I've also made available at Amazon BIG BAD WOLF a COS Commando book, an earlier manuscript about Killian Nicholas Langley. You can sample the first five chapters right here. EBOOK now available for KINDLE, NOOK, and at SMASHWORDS for $4.99.

I appreciate all your emails. If you'd like to buy Virtually His NEW, please contact me. Thank you.



CLICK:

Big Bad Wolf Author's Note/CH. 1

Big Bad Wolf CH. 2

Big Bad Wolf Ch. 3

(more chapters on left side bar below)



To read excerpts of VIRTUALLY HERS, scroll down & click on the links on the right.



EMAIL ME AT JENN AT GENNITA-LOW DOT COM


VIRTUALLY HERS UPDATE

VIRTUALLY HERS OUT IN PRINT AUG 2010! Discounted at Amazon!

To read & comment on the poll (left column), click HERE. Thank you for all the wonderful posts there!

UPDATE: I SOLD THE SERIES TO SAMHAIN!

Here's your UBER VIRTUALLY HERS YAK THREAD!


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Friday, April 30, 2010

Overheard at RT: A man mumbled, "OMG I'm buying a drink for a man in wings."



I had a great time at the Faery Ball. I was wearing a wig and had my little shifter tail on too. But for some reason, my wig kept getting snagged by wings and waving hands of dancers all night and by the time I was sitting at the bar with my gang, I looked quite strange. I told people staring at me not to worry, as I was just shapeshifting.

I wrote a post about my Bond James Bond workshop at the RT BLOG. Do click on the link and check it.

Sat on Cindy Gerard's panel. Shared a drink with the wonderful Brenda Jackson. Talked non-stop with a great group of readers who had a bunch of questions.

Dropped by at a John Scalzi's table when he was here to do a signing. As always, he was amusing, gracious, and absolutely funny. I always have a great time when he's around.

Whew. I was so pooped that I needed an hour to recuperate. Then it was off to the Faery Ball (video above). I took some great photos of authors and readers glammed up as the fey. While you're patiently waiting for me to get home to resize them, check out the embedded video of the costume contest.

I didn't get back into my room till 2.45am! You know my body is protesting right now.



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Thursday, April 29, 2010

Overheard at RT: Barry Eisler growled out, "Down on your knees."

So here I am at RT again, having a wonderful time mingling around my kind of people--readers who love romance and all its different sub-genres.

My morning panel. "Bond James Bond," went well. Everyone had a good time and I was invited to blog about it at the RT blog, so more details about that as soon as I get it done. My panelists were Barry Eisler, Robert Gregory Browne, Andrew Peterson, and Julie Kramer, every one of them a unique writer of the romance/suspense/thriller genre. They gave great insight about writing that character that stands out and POV from a killer mind-set. If you haven't checked their books out, I do recommend them because really, I was quite in awe after listening to their backgrounds and experiences. All of us write about assassins, killers, snipers, and the people who love them.

I went to Jennifer St. Giles' and Barry Eisler's panel which kept its promise that it'd be unforgettable. They read sex scenes from male and female writers after which the audience guessed and then gave reasons why. Well. Let me tell you that Barry Eisler has a sexay reading voice, and if you weren't there, you won't soon forget the way he put on that cowboy twang and growled out, "Down on your knees" from Victoria Dahl's sex scene. There was much giggling, but brave Barry masterfully kept right on ;-).

The discussion that followed was very interesting, with over 90 % of the audience being right at guessing the gender of the writer of each excerpt. Word choices, body positions, and aracter POV focus all gave clues, and there was much laughter again when a reader yelled out, "A woman would never write "he touched her pubic mound."" Barry nodded. "No pubic mound," he said, then, after a pause, he added, "I can't believe I used the word "pubic mound" in public."

I was much entertained.

I also spent a lot of time hugging people. Quick count of friends I've been eating, drinking, and chatting with: Brenda Jackson, Lauren Dane, Cindy Gerard, Cheyenne McCray, Shiloh Walker, Heather Graham, Mary Stella, Kathy Love, so many, many more, and this is still early afternoon, and I still had to attend some publisher spotlights and author get-togethers!

By evening, I was ready to fall on my face, but nope, the Ellora's Cave Fantasy Ball was on. This year's theme was "your sexiest red dress." Everyone looked fabulous, showing some red. I danced my feet off with Lauren Dane, Ann Aguirre, Anya Bast, Megan Hart, Cindy Gerard, and Victoria Dahl. Then, after a few drinks, I headed back to my room because my old bones were threatening war in the morning if I don't get off my feet.

Yes, yes, I left all those pretty male models behind in favor of bed. I must be getting old.

P/S Pictures when I get time to resize them. Solly.



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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Doing RT The Untraditional Way: My Book Family Meets Up With My Other Family, or, You Know Jenn's Going To Be A Headless Chicken

Nope. Didn't fly. I'm protesting the stupid Airline Bundling Program in my little way. Hey, Airlines-Looking-For-Revenue, I'm a customer, not a package you have to delivered. I'm someone looking to go somewhere in the easiest, most relaxing way possible, and right now, YOU ARE NOT IT. And I'm not a hassle to your BUSINESS. Not a piece of stinky meat you have to pass on. Not some group of strangers you can trapped in an airport or a tarmac for three hours because you think we're animals wasting your fuel. I REFUSE. So, I'm driving. And taking my own sweet, relaxing time. Eff you.

Ahem. Rant Button Off.

I spent most of yesterday and most of last night driving to Ohio. It dawned on me last night, while careening through the dark mountains in Virginia and West Virginia, that I've never driven through the Appalachians in the dark. It's always been breathtaking scenery and wonderful mountain driving. Umm. Not in the dark. There was fog and crazy, intense truck drivers, with none of the view, which perhaps, was a good idea, since, everything seemed to be hurtling past at a near-uncomfortable speed, even though I wasn't speeding. Mountain curvy roads in the dark--chalk that experience for a future commando scene!

At the rest stop, I was the only little car there and there were many big burly truck drivers stamping their feet and stretching out inside the facilities. Me not skeered. I bravely donned my Florida hunting jacket and marched inside to get me a candy bar. IT IS WINDY COLD at night in the mountains! Whoa, my poorh Floridah Butth.

Quickie memories from daylight:

***Strangest sight was watching this huge mosque loomed up out of the blue while listening to Christian channels sermonizing and singing. It was very pretty but gave me an unexpected laugh because I was just fiddling the radio stations, which jumped from one Christian gospel thing to another--which was fine, only I was getting tired and wanted something more peppy--and then I looked left and the sight of the huuuuge golden dome amidst local bluegrass music woke me up. I won't forget that too soon.

***I got a kick out of listening to the West Virginian weather lady on some channel. Her accent was totally mesmerizing. She sounded as if she was putting the accent on the wrong syllable. Kinda like me, to many people, heh heh. Anyhow, she came on faithfully every fifteen to twenty minutes, and I loved her for making repeated weather patterns of the coming 24 hours seemed so exciting.

***Taking a side trip to my university. It's still the same, down to the same two pubs I hung out in--The Pub and Pawpurrs. Down to the SAME table with my scratched lover's name in the corner. I loved the windy roads that shouldn't be able to fit two cars at the same time. I checked out the woods where I threw away the ring my first boyfriend gave when he broke up with me, and had a good laugh because man, that was a gold ring, bought when gold was $300 an ounce. Gold is over $1000 now. Shoot. Damn. Pooh. I peeked into the library that I'd loved so much (8 storys of books!!!). Of course, I bought an over-priced teeshirt. Gah. Tricked by sentiment again.

Anyway, I'm staying overnight at my sister (yes, I have many, many siblings and we have invaded many of the states). My two nephews just came home and they're these TALL GAWKY teens. When did they grow that tall? Also, the Chinese just don't call their relatives "cousins" or "aunts" or "hey," we actually have designated names that tell each other where we stand in relation to age and which side of the family. Only, I've kind of forgotten. Usually, it's my sisters introducing me to the kiddies all over again and then they mouthed the proper respectful term. But my sis is at work. So the two TALL GAWKY teens, used to being to nudged by my mom, just stood there looking at me to prompt them and I...blanked. Was I the "YeeMah" or "KuMah" or "KuChieh" or "Tai-something-other?"

They stood there and stared. I stared back. Awkward silence ensued."

Finally, I said, "Hey."

LOL. I'm very traditional, can't you tell?

This is the start of my weeklong adventure. Romantic Times Convention meets family stuff. Romance models meet siblings attending signings. Crazy costumes vs well-bahaved author. Oh, boy.



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Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Movie Character I Remember

My friend spoiled me on the plot points of the movie, Shutter Island (hey, I'm a spoiler slut), and the story immediately reminded me of another movie I enjoyed from years back.

For those of you who'd watched Shutter Island, try to Netflix or rent the movie called The Ninth Configuration. It's starts out as a weird movie, set in post-Vietnam US about certain inmates in a weird place (a castle here, as opposed to an island), and the appearance of the new military psychiatrist to figure them out. Only, things are never what they seemed. And, there is one heck of a violent payoff scene near the ending that had the audience gasping and cheering.

I was telling my friend that this was pre-Shyamalan, so the concept of a shocking ending was relatively new. Like Shutter Island, The Ninth Configuration was a book first and as far as I know, the movie stayed true to the novel.

Anyway, it starts out talky, with very odd characters, and then wham! Also, Stacy Keach had never looked better--tall, lovely cheekbones, and broad shouldered. That movie made me a lifetime fan of his.

Oh, lovely wonderful 21st century--I just found out that you can catch all nine parts on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=86C7E6F8FB9598F4

Warning--near the end, that final violent scene can be a bit much for some of you (YMMV).

Through the years, I've shown this movie to several military friends, some of whom are Vietnam Viets, and they were rolling their eyes at the beginning, thinking this was some typical talky movie analyzing them, and then WHAM! by that ending scene, they were all screaming at the screen too ;-). So I hope that kind of gut reaction is still there for today's more CGI-stunted movie-antics worldly audience.

(Mo, you'll have a great time dissecting this tortured soul. I know you will ;-P)




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Friday, April 23, 2010

Too Bad He's Gay, Eh?

Mrs. Giggles brought this to my attention. Not his gayness ;)...this pretty video!



I thought it was very sexy. Don't you?



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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Why Male Writers Kill Off The Hero's Love Interest

Two weeks ago, Jack Bauer finally had sex on 24 and yeah, his woman died not long after. That Jack, he is just the death sentence for his loves (wife, mole/lover, South American mistress--all dead). The only surviving one is blubbering Awwwdrey and no, we don't care about her. Never did.

Anyway, I'm always amused when I hear males talking about alpha males. Because in their minds, the Alpha Male always leaves their women behind in the end, or else the poor females die because of them.

In an interview, Howard Gordon, the exe. producer, spoke of Jack needing an emotional anchor and Renee was it, like a soul mate of sorts, and then bam! They decided to off her. When asked whether that was the correct decision, Gordon said he didn't know till his wife cried and then he knew that it was.

What the hell is wrong with male writers writing about romance? Tears of anguish = win???! The fact that they kept taking away every possible sliver of sunshine in this guy's life means the right decision? Why?

The funniest part of the interview, though, was very telling. On the subject of HOW LONG does Jack lasts in bed, well, obviously men AND women have the same romantic ideals:



I thought it was interesting that you cut away from Jack and Renee for two whole acts after they started making love. Did a lot of thought go into how long it takes Jack Bauer to make love to a woman?

GORDON: Oh absolutely. And, by the way, Jack and Renee were not by any means done. I think this was probably closer to Round 1. I mean, he was just getting a glass of water. So yes, we were very sensitive about it because it’s a very sensitive thing. We really wanted to do it as tastefully and virile-y as possible for a man like Jack Bauer.

Alpha males must be good in bed and also be ready for several rounds *evil grin*. Of course, in the men's head, the Alpha male cannot stay in contact too long with girl cooties because that might rob him of his super powers or something. I suppose, in their eyes, that's true because a fallen Alpha Male = domesticated, always stuck to one woman. For example, look at Jack when he was with Awwwdrey. He hung up his guns and chose to be a sort of a kept man because of his love for her; in short, his Jack Bauerness was leashed because of his feelings for her.

Awww.

Now you know why men sneer at romance. They're afraid. Love and commitment in their minds mean something entirely different from our female version. So, love, yes, but then the love interest must go, by hook or by crook.

So now you know why guy books never have happy endings. They

1) want to make women cry
2) are afraid of losing their masculinity and become boring
3) need an excuse to rampage ;-).

An amusing collection of wiki-facts for Jack Bauer Fans: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Jack_Bauer_Facts






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Sunday, April 18, 2010

Airplane Debundling Suggestions

I have been checking out airline tickets to Ohio (Romantic Times Convention). Do you know Spirit Airlines is charging $45 for a CARRY-ON? WTF? Not to mention that airlines are already charging for a piece of luggage not taken onboard. That's about $70 on top of one's ticket, isn't it?

I read that this is called "debundling," as opposed to the stupid cable/cellphone practice of "bundling." Every item will cost the passenger more. Want a pillow? $5 Want a blanket? $10 Food is already gone, of course, unless you order from a menu that cost $10-$20.

You would think that it'd be easier to just give their customers what they want, with a higher ticket price. Because it's going to cost the same anyway. Let's say, instead of pretending that the ticket is $250 roundtrip, just tell me it's $350 and don't hassle me with charges on luggage, pillow, whatnot, okay?

If, in fact, debundling is the only way to make a profit (I so seriously doubt this logic), I have a suggestion to the airlines. They should just go ALL THE WAY with this new policy. Tell their customers that:

1) bringing their own oxygen mask will cost $5 less

2) all passengers bringing a gallon of airplane fuel will get $20 off the ticket

3) charge extra if air attendants are on board. WE DON'T NEED THEM ANY MORE; just put a vending machine in the front and back of the plane for those who need to buy food/beverage, pillows, etc.

4) bring your own seat! Taking out the seats would let everyone of different sizes to have their own space. This would make the plane lighter and less fuel consumption! Hooks on the floor for different ways of clicking on your seat belt. $10 less!

5) in fact, someone who knows how to fly a plane should get plane ticket! That way, pilots can be laid off for certain trips and money taken out of their salary! Save, save, SAVE!

6) for longer plane trips, bring your own plastic cup and paper plate! $5 off.

See? If you see me huddling on the plane floor with my own paper plate and cup, a seat belt tied haphazardly, with only my laptop to keep me company and my security blanket to keep me warm, an empty gallon fuel container by my side, and the flight attendants ignoring me as they walk by to help the Silly Overpaying First Class Peeps, you know I'm flying really, really cheaply.

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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Characters That Stand Out

Like most self-employed people, I'm deep in Taxes Doodoo at the moment. Did you know that the IRS has videos on YouTube?! I know, right...need help? Just go to Youtube...every darn thing there, including helpful hints from the IRS. I can't decide whether the Information Age is pervasive or invasive.

I'm loving all your thoughts about the hero/heroine characteristics from my previous post. Please continue to give me your opinions and ideas in the comment area. I'll write a more conclusive post about the topic once I'm out of the government paperwork. As it is, I think I'm going to have an awesome panel at RT!

Definitely, the name, James Bond, strikes a chord with people, fan or not. He's part of the cultural vernacular, an icon that stereotypes a certain ideal. Can you think of a couple of character names that have stuck around with us, be it from a romance book (or any other genre) or a TV show that brings instant recognition to people (or at least, fans of that genre)? Especially heroines. Off the top of my head, I have a few nominations:

Buffy
Count Dracula
Sherlock Holmes
Nancy Drew
Eve Dallas and Roarke
Dr. Who
Stephanie Plum
Jed McNeil Heh, heh, couldn't resist, sorry
Jack Bauer
Gidget and Moondoggy
Steve McGarrett
Wolf McKenzie (and his sons!)
Mr. Darcy
Heathcliffe

I threw out the above names to my roofers and crapenters and they recognize 80 percent of them. You guess it--they failed in the romance book dpt. (Wolf, Mr. Darcy) but hey, one actually knew who Jed McNeil was, LOL. That made me laugh. Very heartily. I called my bookseller friend up and she recognized all the names. We readers are such well-rounded people :-).

When I give the introduction to my panel discussion, I'll definitely mention a few of these names and maybe get a show of hands. That would certainly bring home to the attendees why memorable characters make a story, right?

Do you have any for me?



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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Feed Me

I have two re-roofs to do before the end of the month when I fly off to the RT Convention in Columbus, OH. That's cutting it close, between weather, luck, and waiting for permits and inspectors. It's been back to working to 7 or 8pm at night this past week--not complaining but my body is! And tax time is coming up too! Why, why, why do pile-ups like this happen to me? :P

Anyway, here's a dateline assignment that you might be able to help me with. One of the Romantic Suspense panels I'm moderating is called Bond, James Bond, and I've invited three male and two female authors.

I have an idea about questions I'd be fielding, but would love to hear your suggestions too. From the topic, the general idea is to focus on the authors' main characters--how they work and why they work within their stories and how they appeal to the fans of those books. Just like James Bond, ya know? You hear the name, you immediately know who and what he is, and certain things about him appeal to different fans--his debonair suaveness for the players; his high-tech toys for the geeks; and his tall, dark, ruthless self for those of us that like eye candy with a dangerous flair.

So, if you could just throw me a couple of bones to gnaw on. Here are some general questions for you to get specific on, and the more specific, the better, since then I can steal your wonderful ideas to make my panel more interesting! It doesn't need to focus on the romance because a few of the writers aren't writing full-out romantic suspense. I'll expand more on the following questions afterwards so you don't just say "ditto" to my thoughts because that isn't going to help me at all, you know :).

1) What attracts you to the hero/heroine/main character?

2) Something characteristic

3) Bond kills. Killing factor in novels

4) Balance of romance and suspense. In Bond? Relationship? Growth?

5) Power balance

6) Point of View

7) Why you can't put the book down

It'd be so helpful if you could pick a couple of points and run with it here. I want the panel to be the Most Awesomest Evah. Ha. Actually, I want to engage my guests and the attendees in an interesting conversation that would give a clear idea why certain characters attract many readers/fans, thus giving those who are writing some insight into tightening their own novels as well as those who are just fans a good time discussing their favorite authors' characters.

Okay, then. I roof, you write.



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Friday, April 09, 2010

Makes Me Wanna Write M/M

Oh yeah, my new Dieux du Stadt calendar has arrived (late, but worth it!). Here's a video of the poses this year. I think Kylie Minogue's sexy song is the cherry on top. This year's calendar definitely has some delish homoerotic poses. Made me wanna try writing some m/m fiction ;-).



BTW, if you really want to read a hawt and suspenseful m/m (assassin & his target-turned-lover), get the e-book Zero At The Bone by Jane Seville. Good story, believable male POVs, sexual tension to the max.



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Wednesday, April 07, 2010

The Magic Hoo Ha

Mrs. Giggles has been busy giving lessons on a certain type of romance heroine anatomy ;-). Look what she did:



Heh. Too funny. Ya gotta admit we see this Magic HooHa theme quite a bit!






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Release Teh Kraken!


Dinner last night. Much joking ensued.



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Tuesday, April 06, 2010

What Is Wrong With Just Feeling Good? Or, Another Long Meandering Post About Those Who Try To Understand Us

GO DUUuuuuuuKe!

Ooops, sorry, if you're a Butler fan. I find many people are Cinderella lovers; even if they don't watch basketball, the story of David (Butler) beating up on Goliath (Duke) has them rooting and cheering for the smaller college. And I don't blame the instant fans because I love a feel-good story myself, and Butler played like a team on a mission through the night, down to that last second heart-breaking Hail Mary that almost, but didn't. However, for once, I was on the side of the Big Bad because Duke has my heart. Unless, of course, if Notre Dame is involved. Then that's another story :).

It's funny, isn't it, that, if you ask everyone, this tale, if it had a happy ending, with that final shot going in and making Butler--a nobody school--the Big Champion would have everyone jumping up for joy. It is some kind of inherent DNA switch that come on, that we humans WANT the smaller to beat the bigger, and when they do, we get a euphoric nod from the universe, as if that win reflects our hope that we too can beat the odds.

Yup, we love us our Cinderella-makes-good stories. When I think about it, the story really doesn't fit the analogy--why is the school compared to Cinderella? After all, the players aren't mistreated by evil step-kin and made to clean the hearth. And there aren't any glass slippers, balls, pumpkins or fairy godmothers.

I know, I know, I take things too literal sometimes, but I really wanted to know why Cinderella. Why not Three Little Pigs, who outsmarted the Big Bad Wolf? Or, Snow White, which also had an evil stepma and lots of cute dwarfs to her get a slam dunk? Further research gave me the answer and it is BILL MURRAY for whom we can blame this odd term. Of course it's from Caddyshack. It's popular college vernacular we're talking about, and of course they wouldn't be referring to any fairytales. Duh, dude.

In Caddyshack, Bill Murray, our favorite half-crazed character, was self-announcing his own fantasy golf: "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion." So, there you have it. College kids think Cinderella is Bill Murray, a greenskeeper with a gopher complex.

Still, mix-up and all, the public roots for the Cinderella team because it wants that happy ending. The TV producers want that happy ending because then people would tune in and watch and give them happy ad revenue, another kind of happy ending. Heck, I'm beginning to think we all want that happy ending for our own selfish happiness ;-).

But not so for us poor pitiful romance readers.

We, romance readers get bashed ALL the time because our stories have happy endings. There's Oprah, who thinks romance books are just so damn unrealistic in life. Everything must have a horrific heartwrenching ending to be "realistic" to her. So, I'm going to assume that she's satisfied that Butler's defeat proves her theory, that in real life, everyone must end up unhappy.

It is, as if, we can say Cinderella defeated the evil stepmother and her nasty stepsisters, but what? she married the Prince too? You got to be kidding me. That's just so...unreal!

Many try to shame us into hiding our reading habits. Others call what we read non-books. Even writers denigrate the genre (Nicholas Spark, eyeballing you here) and some previous romance writers run from their roots after changing genres. Somehow, romance readers aren't allowed to have Cinderella-loving DNA without inducing some people into eye-rolling, spotting Oxegen-channel-heebeejeebees who suddenly spout purple prose in haiku.

Also, lately, there's this new phenomena of romance studies, chopping up our love of the genre into feministic labels and philosophizing on topics such as the "hole" that the "magic penis" must enter, or some such deep matters. I kid you not. It's a conference of serious romance studies.

I've always posit that breaking down a novel too much takes away the joy of reading. Even though I love to do it and still think it's an excellent tool to help analysis skills, I also have a secret believe that those who become lifelong experts of a certain novel or author or genre tend to not see the story for the words.

And when I start reading fun romance topics like the Magic Hoo Ha become a literary topic at conferences, on how it relates to feminist studies and whatnot, my eyes start glazing and my brain turns to sticky candy. These topics are brought up as if they're something new and relevant. SERIOUSLY? The Magic Hoo Ha and the Big Penis Savior have been around forever, folks. We romance readers have been bandying those terms on the Net since, oh, I dunno, since before there were such a thing as discussion boards. Mrs. Giggles in the early 90s. AAR and Prodigy Romance Boards in the late 90s. I was there, and we were pure romance readers just happily yakking about our favorite (and not-so-favorite) books.

They were fun labels we gave so we could laugh at ourselves because we enjoyed these crazy romance tropes so much. They do NOT reflect our feministic needs to cure ourselves. Nor do they reflect our being strangled in a phallopaternistic society (not my theory, folks). Sure, we welcome new challenges--the -isms, the anti-this/that, the sexual freedom--but if those authors overpower their stories with their agenda, we turn away from them like a kid from veges. We want our meat.

Romances are feel-good stories. We champion our main characters and want them to win in life. We want our happy ending. That's all. We really don't go any deeper than that.

Perhaps if we drop our knowledge about the real Cindy and just go for the Bill Murray version? Maybe that'd help them understand why we enjoy our HEAs and HFNs without those scary analysis about how reading certain books reflect on our character/culture/knowledge/DNAIQGQBBQ?



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Saturday, April 03, 2010

James Cameron Does Virtual Sex :)

I heard that there was a deleted sex scene in Avatar to keep in PG-13 in the US. I think it's included in the version shown in other countries. So, I googled and found the "steamy" deleted part:



EXT. WILLOW GLADE

He puts his face close to hers. She rubs her cheek against his. He kisses her on the mouth. They explore each other.

Then she pulls back, eyes sparkling.

NEYTIRI
Kissing is very good. But we have something better.

She pulls him down until they are kneeling, facing each other on the faintly glowing moss.

Neytiri takes the end of her queue and raises it. Jake does the same, with trembling anticipation. The tendrils at the ends move with a life of their own, straining to be joined.

MACRO SHOT — The tendrils INTERTWINE with gentle undulations.

JAKE rocks with the direct contact between his nervous system and hers. The ultimate intimacy.

They come together into a kiss and sink down on the bed of moss, and ripples of light spread out around them.

THE WILLOWS sway, without wind, and the night is alive with pulsing energy as we DISSOLVE TO —

LATER. She is collapsed across his chest. Spent. He strokes her face tenderly.

JAKE
Neytiri, you know my real body is far away, sleeping.

She raises up, placing her fingertips to his chest —

NEYTIRI
This body is real.
(she touches his forehead)
This spirit is real.

Her eyes are luminous, honest, infinitely deep.

NEYTIRI
When I was first your teacher, I hated all Sky People. But you have also taught me.
(whispering)
Spirit is all that matters.

She lays her head down, against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

NEYTIRI
I am with you now, Jake. We are mated for life.

JAKE
We are?

NEYTIRI
Yes. It is our way.
(innocently)
Oh. I forgot to tell?

He rouses up, making her look at him.

JAKE
Really, we are?

NEYTIRI
We are.

JAKE
It’s cool. I’m there.

He lays his head down, and her arms enfold him, sheltering him as he sleeps.


Whew. Tentacle Sex in Virtual 3-D! I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you.

So do you guys think my Jed's and Hell's 3-D Virtual Sex in Virtually Hers hotter than this scene? I mean, I'm jealous. Seriously. The ultimate intimacy indeed ;-). I think I'm going to have to make Jed and Hell blue in VR in the next book....



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Friday, April 02, 2010

Naughty Jokes For Naughty Jokers

MRS. GIGGLES has taken my trading card ideas from yesterday's post about romance icons (she ran with it like an overnight hurricane!) and added her very unique touch to it. Those easily offended should not click there. Those with Malaysian screwy sense of humor will love it. I have no other contribution other than being a bad influence, so all hate mail goes to Mrs. Giggles, please ;-).

As April's Fool jokes go, that one topped everything from yesterday.

Another good one I encountered: Someone brilliantly left a message on a local popular physical fitness trainer's answering machine, asking for personal training in getting more muscular. He left his name, Mr. Lyons, and phone #. The poor sod called the number and didn't notice that it was the Zoo until he asked to speak with MR. LYONS.

Verrrray niiiice.



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Thursday, April 01, 2010

I'm Pregnant!

It's April's Fool Day. Fallen for any big joke today yet?

;-)

************

I'm reading Patricia Brigg's newest Mercy Thompson book, Silver Borne. The story's a wonderful ride and I can't put it down long enough to feed the furbabies. Poor hungry furbabies.

What is your current read?

*************

American Idol has become American Midol this season. Everyone on has PMS. Outside of maybe two, the WTFery singing makes me question, "These are the best 12 of the thousands that auditioned?!"

But, I'm totally entertained by Tim Urban, a young man with a Donny Osmond hairdo, who sort of looks like him, but without the famous teeth or the singing ability. Of all the top-40 hits to pick, one week, he chose Anita Baker's Sweet Love. Imagine me going for Barbra Streisand's Evergreen. In front of 20 million viewers. Oh yeah. He did not disappoint. Muzak R&B, with desperate/despairing puppy eyes. I had to dig out my Anita Baker to cleanse my brain afterwards. Let's hope he tackles Streisand.

***********

Have you guys seen the commercial of Old Spice Guy on the Backward Horse? You know, Viking Dude (my UF) has Greek roots (don't ask, it's sort of complicated). I wanted him to meet some mythological Greek magical beings and have planned a centaur. But every time I've attempted to write that scene, the centaur comes out sounding like Old Spice Guy, which totally destroys the scene because it isn't supposed to be funny. Sigh. Maybe I'll have to make him funny.

************

I thought these GEEK-A-WEEK trading cards very funny. It's a project by mad-talented cartoonist Len Paralta.

John Scalzi was the one who pointed me to the project through his blog. If you click on his name, you'll see that he's Week 4's Geek of the Week and he looks fierce. You should read the back of the cards too.

Wouldn't it be grand if romance authors get trading cards too? It'd be awesome sauce to see La Nora depicted as The Queen or something, and the back of the card would have WWND as the favorite chant. And for "famous mean thing" (all great authors should have a mean thing they've done) would be "boiling helpless puppies." Yeah. That'd be snarky evil comparison with Jennifer Crusie's card (The Professor), which would have "drives over grandmas" for her "mean thing." Or Sherrilyn Kenyon's Card (The Demon Huntress), which would have "I go swan-hunting for my hat." Heeheehee. I could go on but I'm already in enough trouble.

All references above, btw, are from Romancelandia inside...uh...jokes.

But still, wouldn't that set of cards sell like hot man tittie covers at the romance book fairs?

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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The End Of A Series: Mostly Jack Bauer, Some TV, & A Tie-In About Romance Series

I love my post titles these days. It's as if my brain has decided that I need to cram every specific thing into them so I don't start meandering. As if I don't stay on topic or something. Pfft to my brain.

Most of you know I'm a die-hard Jack Bauer fan. It doesn't matter that the show has gotten a bit ridiculous (a bit? A BIT the size of India's population?!) but I still love him with the adoring love of a thousand almond creme cheese cake. It's not Jack Bauer that's gone wrong, you see. It's the writers for that show. He'd always be brilliant, angsty, crazy-tunnel vision, alpha, and overly efficient at killing people.

I started to wonder whether I feel the same about books that are series that follow a single/multiple characters? That I loved a character but hated the way the storyline went as the books continued? Loved the tone of the books, loved the voice, loved the characters, but somehow, when the series was done, I'm sort of relieved, not because my character's journey brought me great joy but that it was so heavy on a certain aspect of that it dragged my enjoyment down? Danny Valentine, your inability to give your lover a chance and your doubts really really REALLY ended that series by making me think you were wrong and stupid. And who wanted to end up with that opinion about the main character?

Or the series have gone so far off course that there is no recognizable thing between Book 1 and Book 111, except for the characters' names? Especially if it sort of changed genres in the middle too. Anita Blake, I'm looking at you.

Some people would read on to the bitter end, but I can't do that. I didn't do that to LOST, the TV series, because there were too many characters with too many storylines and not one solved mystery after two seasons. I couldn't do that with Anita Blake because the characters I've emotionally invested in changed into unrecognizable entities.

And yet, I hung on to Jack Bauer, season after season. There are plot holes galore in each season, with things happening that couldn't happen in the real world and in real time. 24 is called that because it follows an adventure through the course of a day, using a digital clock at the corner of the TV screen. It's a season-long fake reality show of following a CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit) operative as he goes around the a metropolis destroying lots of things and causing havoc while chasing terrorists with accents bent on destroying that city (and the U.S.).

There are nuclear blasts that don't affect Jack's health. Hell, Jack gets shot and he walks and talks in the next hour as if it were just a flesh wound. There are water passageways that lead under the White House. There are non-existent car tunnels in New York City by named streets. There are resurrected characters who were good guys one season and now turned bad, and no, they aren't zombies. And there's always a mole inside CTU that shows how stupid and incapable CTU is.

A book with a plot like the above would have been thrown across the room many a time. And yet, every Monday for the last eight or nine years (with the exception of personal stuff), I've turned on the show and cheered Jack Bauer on, as he continued his fight to "save the world," as we fans like to say.

So my conclusion is that it must be the character. I couldn't take Danny Valentine any more as she changed into a morose and doubting heroine who seemed to side with her enemies more than her lover. I couldn't take Anita Blake any more as she metamorphosized from Vampire Hunter to...umm...Monster Mistress (couldn't come up with a better name) and destroyed the special triangle of metaphysical power that was set up in the first ten books. I couldn't follow Lost when The Others become the focus, and not the core group of survivors.

Don't get me wrong. These books and shows are very good and have mega fans. I'm just picking them as examples of how I, the reader, reach a point where they don't fit me any more. Many people, on the other hand, have stopped watching 24. So it's all about what floats your boat.

I do have series that I've read/enjoyed and put away with a happy sigh when they're done and reread and rewatched through the years. Some that I'm reading now tthat I look forward to the next book:

1) Briggs' Mercedes Thompson series
2) Briggs' Alpha and Omega series
3) Andrews' Kate Daniel series
4) Robb's Eve Dallas (although I'm books behind on this one but this is one series always satisfies me)

As you can see, the examples are mostly urban fantasies. I can't think of a historical series that I'm reading. Brockmann's Team 16 books have character arcs that move the series along and her most famous one was Sam and Alyssa's storyline, which I followed along until the part where Sam was tricked by a turkey baster and in subsequent books, cried buckets and became a drunk. I did read his happy ending with Alyssa a few books later, though, so it's possible to skip parts of a series you don't like and just read the ending ;-).

TV shows: Babylon 5 comes to mind. A brilliant, brilliant five year-arc that had me riveted till today. Every SF show since pales in comparison. Except maybe La Femme Nikita, but it wasn't SF and its ending was an abomination. I did follow Alias and X-Files to the bitter, bitter, incomprehensible end, and maybe that's why I avoid JJ Abrams, who also produces/writes Lost, now. I just don't trust him any more.

The latest TV show that riveted me was Dollhouse and despite its flaws, its storyline was tantalizing and my Whedon love knows no bound, even though his endings never make me happy.

So. I'm thinking that my rules with character arcs are funky. You can write stupid but don't make the protagonist turn stupid. You can have plot holes, but make sure he doesn't make a 180 and turn into something he isn't (except for one episode, by magic, and resolved very soon!) Most of all, don't set me up with a promise that so and so will end up together and then end the series with them getting on with Other Loves. That is like turning Jack Bauer into a coward and have him save himself over others at the end of the show (please, TV gods, don't give the writers of 24 this idea because they'll think they're being damn clever and every fan will hunt them down and shoot their thighs).

What series, books or TV show, are you following? Are you happy with how it's going? And has there been a series that you've dropped because you just couldn't take it any more? Was it the plot or character?

Lots of questions, I know, but I'm always curious about my readers' internal rules about story-telling.

Also, who's going to save the world now that Jack Bauer is going off the air? Sob*



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Friday, March 26, 2010

Ladies, How About Vajazzling?

You know I'm going to have Hell or Marlena getting one in Virtually One, right? I mean, what would shock Jed and Stash more than my two ladies coming home from shopping one day with their vajayjays vajazzled?

Are YOU game? LOL.



So, first you use that "Button" Blush, then you Vajazzle...what next?



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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Numbers

Many of us authors worry about their numbers. When Walmart decided not to distribute Virtually His, my numbers dropped by at least 35,000. Which was, you know, a big bomb in my career's living room.

I can name you a few authors who aren't worry about theirs, though. From PUBLISHERS WEEKLY:

Hardcover Bestsellers from 2009:

1. The Lost Symbol: A Novel. Dan Brown. Doubleday (5,543,643).

4. I, Alex Cross. James Patterson. Little, Brown (1,040,976).

7. Finger Lickin' Fifteen. Janet Evanovich. St. Martin's (977,178).

12. U Is for Undertow. Sue Grafton. Putnam (706,154).

13. The Scarpetta Factor. Patricia Cornwell. Putnam (705,000).

25. Dead and Gone: A Sookie Stackhouse Novel. Charlaine Harris. Ace (500,135).
26. Southern Lights: A Novel. Danielle Steel. Delacorte (497,140).

37. Kindred in Death. J.D. Robb. Putnam (315,000).

65. The Perfect Christmas. Debbie Macomber. Harlequin (200,227).

77. Sizzle: A Novel. Julie Garwood. Ballantine (182,010).

83. Divine Misdemeanors: A Novel. Laurell K. Hamilton. Ballantine (166,102).

106. Ice: A Novel. Linda Howard. Ballantine (138,126).

116. Lover Avenged: A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood. J.R. Ward. NAL (125,126).

121. Dark Slayer. Christine Feehan. Berkley (121,082).

***

Mass Market (Paperback) sales 2009 II'm just picking a few, so these below aren't ranked):

Tribute. Nora Roberts. Rep. Jove. (1,250,361).

From Dead to Worse: A Sookie Stackhouse Novel. Charlaine Harris. Rep. Ace (877,000).

The Choice. Nicholas Sparks. Grand Central. (870,116).

Promises in Death. J.D. Robb. Rep. Berkley (635,372).

Salvation in Death. J.D. Robb. Rep. Berkley (631,019).

Dream Warrior. Sherrilyn Kenyon. Orig. St. Martin's (575,000).

Fearless Fourteen. Janet Evanovich. Rep. St. Martin's (1,200,000).

Nope, no Gennita Low, dammit ;-). The Dan Brown numbers boggle the brain, dudes. How many copies of The Da Vinci Code do you have in your home and puter?!!! I mean, it still sold 700,000+ in 2009!

There were multiple repeats of names, of course. Just look at all the Nora Roberts that hit the lists, both in hardcover, mass market, and trade paperbacks. It's like...Whoa. That's a one-woman powerhouse there.

The usual big names are all there: King, Koontz, Johansson, Macomber. Over and over. I think Charlaine Harris is on there with ten Sookie books. I'm sure the Stephanie Meyer Twilight series is on there somewhere, even though I couldn't see them.

I feel so lucky that I could actually talk to some of the above names at conferences and ask for advice; yes, they're friendly humans! And don't forget, Linda Howard told me last year that she loves my books :-D. I shall cherish that line and my "inability to speak anything other than gasp out a thank you" moment forever and ever and ever.

Go hop over to the link and see how many of the books you've bought/read. Are there any that surprised you?

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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Tweaking The Trope: Writing What Sells

What exactly does that mean?

I've been writing for a quite a while now and someone who heard it during an author's speech about bestselling books advised me to do this. My response? "I thought I was already tweaking the trope." And might I add, sometimes to the dislike of big chunks of the readership, who, despite what they might post online, really REALLYREALLYreally don't like any stories that aren't inside the box of romance or science fiction or whatever genre they're reading. Mostly, in my humble opinion, the romance readers are the toughest when it comes to tropes.

Take, for example, the romance heroine. In a historical, 90 percent of readers will say that they want her a virgin, or at least, a virginal woman if she'd lost her hymen at some point outside/before the story. Courtesans and mistresses are harshed at; if the heroine is a courtesan, she better be a fake one (not sleeping with dozens of men), with a heart of gold, who has fallen from grace, and her redemption theme better be there.

There are* exceptions, of course, but, like I said, twisting the trope can mean sales death for either that book or a future book. I'd think a smart author, unless she was known for it, wouldn't really twist any trope on the last book of her contract, just in case.

Even if the heroine was a widow, some authors even write in a "fake" widow trope, in the sense that she really never had sex because her dead husband had been "incapable" or even turned out to be gay! Now, I'm sure this was NOT the kind of tweaking the trope over which many are rah-rah-ing.

Then there is the romantic suspense heroine, the genre I represent. The "kick-ass" heroine didn't start till the late 90s and I'm not being bigheaded to say that I'm part of the original group of romance authors who ushered that term and that kind of character into romance readers' consciousness.

When I first started reading romantic suspense, the heroine in those stories tended to heroine-in-distress type. She was on the run and the hero had to protect her. She was always getting into fixes that needed hero/male intervention. Or, she was the pawn between hero and his enemy. She was usually the clueless one.

The other type of romance heroine is what made me stop reading and start writing. She is the "tough" heroine, maybe in law enforcement or even a spy, or she's the super-amazing savvy business woman, or she is an expert in some male-dominated field. During the late 80s and 90s, when the genre was blooming, I was screaming at these heroines because the authors usually made them do the stupidest things. The heroine would NEVER kill. She would never see what's at the end of her nose till her male counterpart points it out. She would risk everything for the wrong reasons and without logic. Also, she was a virgin, even if she was the deadliest spy who ever lived, who could entice men with some spy-glamor, and had been in the business of seducing/killing men for many years.

There were many a time I groaned that the set-up character in the previous book was a woman who talked back, was exceptionally smart, absolutely sexually open and frank, who showed her experience sexually without fear, and then I get to her story and what happened? She was really, secretly, a virgin. Or hadn't had sex but that one time and it was such a bad one she never did it again. Forever and ever, till, of course, the hero showed up. Seriously? I mean, SERIOUSLY?

Or, she was shown as a really intriguing assassin type through earlier books, and when HERS came out, she didn't even know how to handle her weapon. Or had never killed anyone. This book (and versions of it) had really existed and I'd had metaphorically stabbed my head and used a butter knife to saw at my wrists many a time. SERIOUSLY?

For myself, at that point, I wanted a REAL kick-ass heroine. Debra Dixon's Bad To The Bone was the first one who made me sit up. I wanted to write bad-to-the-bone heroines, the kind that really kill if that was their job. The kind that was not apologetic about their sexual experience without flaunting it like some third-rate starlet showing the public her pantylessness. The kind that just blows the hero's mind away outside the bedroom (but a plus, of course, if her talents also did that to him in bed!).

When I first starting pitching stories to editors, I used the term "bad-to-the-bone" but found that totally un-catchy. Besides, the editors always seemed to think the word "bad" in a phrase was bad, as if the heroine was a bad person. "Bad," in their eyes, by the way, was more often "immoral," as if I'd said "Slut-to-the-bone" instead. A pitch had to be short and pithy and I was mostly trying to sell Into Danger at conferences, so my selling hook was: Navy SEAL vs Kick-Ass Spy Heroine. That was short and pithy, and I got quite a number of interested queries for submission, which was the goal--get the manuscript in front of an editor.

Into Danger's Marlena Maxwell was very lonely out there in the pubbed world because she wasn't your usual heroiine. She was a tough sell because she was so different from the RS heroine trope. Her kick-assness was a liability for many acquiriing editors who wanted their romantic suspenses more like those offered during that era--the (early) Linda Howards, Ann Stuarts, Sandra Browns, Tami Hoags and many more who were drawing in millions of readers. I'm not saying those authors didn't write great heroines (I love my Howards and Stuarts like a kid loves candy) but I wanted a bit more.

My many rejection letters included:

"Heroine too tough. She sounded like a man!"
"Heroine not feminine enough."
"Too much plot."
"Heroine too strong, overshadowing the SEAL hero. And her sexuality might put off some readers. Can you make her a virgin?"

Today, the market is full of kick-ass heroines who aren't virgins and who could kill without freezing like a deer in front of headlights. But the box is still there. A big chunk of the romance readership HATES it. Take, for example, Linda Howard's Kiss Me While I Sleep, a true lady assassin, even if her lifestyle was more background info and she was never shown actually murdering anyone. But the voices on online forums:

"OMG! She kills. I hate my heroine who murders people for a living."
"I can't read that because I can't see myself killing anyone."
"There is no redemption! How can I like a character like that?"

The Kick-Ass Heroine Who Really Kills is a rare thing. They don't get a lot of love. Only big names like LH can pull this off in their books and still sell gazillions of copies.

So twisting the trope isn't very good for the majority of the authors, despite what editors or other writing advisors say. I think they really mean "tweak the trope but really, not too much, and only if you managed to hide the fact." Many editors will announce publicly that they wanted something different. Many readers too. But I've had too many rejection slips from the beginning and even now to believe this.

As you know, I've been trying to sell an Urban Fantasy/Alternative Fantasy Romance. No, this is not a real genre ;-) because I made it up. How did I twist the trope, so to speak? I wanted to use the usual UF heroine tropes on my HERO:

1) apocalyptic savior
2) growing powers
3) kick-assness while still running away
4) magical vaginapenis

I "twisted" the trope, besides the first-person male POV, by showing how self-absorbed and sort of clueless my hero was. Just like an UF heroine, he lives in a world with magic, can do magical stuff, and then these Big Things happen to him (and keep happening) and he becomes even more defensive. But I found out that I didn't want him dark, like an apocalyptic UF, so I gave him a sense of laid-back surferboy humor because I figure, you know, after 800 years of living with the ability to somewhat manipulate time (he could timetravel, limited range), he couldn't possibly stay bitter, angry, resentful, stupidly unable to move on with his life, or what-have-you when it came to UF heroines these days. Also, I'm giving him two or more female characters in his adventures vying (in their own ways) for his attention, just like the UF heroines have all their studs after them.

There are many more trope-twisting elements I used, but I brought this project up not to talk about my writing, but to highlight the rejection of those elements. The editors gave very similar sounding reasons to my agent:

1) the first person male POV is too different. Most UFs today, the ones that are popular, use first person female POV. They wouldn't know how to market this.

2) love the concept, but time travel is dead (even though really, my time travel has nothing to do with past time travel tropes, where the character is STUCK in the past. Mine is in the future, sort of stuck, but not really).

3) the sex that early and with a demonness? Not really kosher for UF. And for hero to have more than one love interest? Readers will revolt! Too much romance for a UF too.

4) too little romance (I know that #3 and #4 are contradictory, but that's how it is sometimes).

5) it's TOO DIFFERENT. Readers won't pick up this kind of book so outside their box.

Umm. #5. Yeah.

And that's why, as much as I hear about "you have to twist the trope," I know the buying editors and readers aren't really interested. I know there is a vocal minority who loves those kinds of stories, but in this economy, it's not going to persuade the PTB to shell out money unless you're really, really, really big already, like a La Linda. She can write first person male POV about a timetraveling Viking with a big sword and it would be the Next New Trope Twist. But don't forget you heard it here first ;-).

P/S Aren't you regretting that I've come out of my cocoon of silence yet? All these long, long boring posts!



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