Uber Roofer Author Indeed

This will be my first time trying to accomplish this feat:

Work all morning till noonish on a roof, then run off home to maybe feed doggies and get dressed, THEN drive an hour to:

MULTIPLE AUTHOR SIGNING

BORDERS
880 STATE RD 436
ALTAMONTE SPRINGS
FL
2-4pm 8 May, 2010

After signing, jump into truck, try to get back to jobsite to finish roofing till dark. I wonder whether I'd remember to brush my hair and look human for the signing. Come on down to Borders, if you're nearby, to make my day. Uber rooferauthor is the one sitting there panting and looking dazed.

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Meet Best-Selling Author Gennita Ow

I'm having technical difficulties. Let's just say that falling off a roof at my old age is not the adventurous life I'm yearning for.

I'll write more about this little mishap later today but I need to get ready for...yes, work...and you know what? It takes a long time to snap on a bra when you have bruised ribs. Huh. Things I learn.

P/S If I'm blogging, needless to say, I'm okay. Alive at least. Or half. I'm not sure. I'll let you know later, when I have some more pain meds. Oh wait. Can't. Going BACK on a roof.

P/P/S I know, I know. I need to announce the winner of the Hard Jed Contest. Do I get a two day reprieve for falling off a roof? ;-)

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How Hot Was It?

Nobody believed me when I told them yesterday that my shoes were melting. Tada. Look at my brand new shoes. Half an hour on the roof later, and the glue melted and I was soleless!

Then everything started to fall apart at the seams! It was strange...I had the top of my shoes on, but everything at the bottom just fell off piece by piece.

Somebody suggested duct tape. Male of course.

I opted for a new pair of shoes.

And yes, it was THAT HOT yesterday even my sole left me. Bwaha!

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My Day At The Beach

If you ever watched The Amazing Race, you'd know about the usual tasks and roadblocks. Contestants sometimes are asked to climb incredible heights and then cross planks to get to another location.

Well, guess what I did today. Yup. Five stories in the air. You know those ladders you see in the circus, the ones that the trapeze artistes use to get to their swings? They go straight up, up, up and it takes them forever to reach their seats way, way up there?

Uh huh. That's how I felt today. Trapeze artiste extraordinaire. Except that I had a hard hat and a tool belt on. Then I walked across these planks in mid-air (with no balancing umbrella). I also leaned over a lot. I discovered that climbing down was a lot more difficult than climbing up because I had to look DOWN. You know, bungee jumping doesn't look so scary after all.

You know this adventure is going to be in a commando scene in a future book. And the heroine would look a lot cooler than my dusty, paint-speckled (there were painters spraying the floors as I climbed up), grimy and windblown state today, for sure.

Lisa, didn't you try to bribe me with a foot massage for a read of Virtually Hers? Your offer sounds more and more tempting everyday.

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Work, Eat, Sleep

Tomorrow, I'm posting an interview with the great Cindy Gerard, one of my favorite authors. So make sure you visit and post because she has a little present for one of you.

Today, I worked from 9-7pm on The House. The whole back is done, YAY. Boy, are my legs killing me, climbing up and down a really tall ladder every three feet as we worked our way across the mansett. By the time I get home and sit down, I have no patience at all with people calling me to whine about their boring day (yes, sister dearest, I'm looking at you with slitty eyes). ;-)

I did see something interesting today, though. Went to a pizza/deli place that sells authentic New York pizza. It was quite a nice diner and the portions were fantastically HUMONGOUS. The weird thing was, this place had a whole wall that was a shrine to John Gotti. There was a big portrait right in the middle of the Mafia Boss, autographed! Since I was facing the wall at my booth, it was hard not to keep looking up and staring at John Gotti glaring at me eating spaghetti instead of true authentic NY pizza. Strangest NY-related decor I've ever seen in a eatery!

What is the weirdest decor you've ever seen at a restaurant?

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When Two Roofers Talk Literature, Pt. Deux

Ranger Buddy likes to wear singlets to work (In his youth, they called them singlets, not wifebeaters, okay?) Anyway, he's been teased about it at Lit class because, you know, Marlon Brando wore a wifebeater in Streetcar (Rrrrawl!).

Anyway, yesterday, at the store, the female cashier was checking RB out. Her little badge said her name was "Stella."

RB handed over the money and said, "Stella, hmm...Streetcar Named Desire, right?"

Stella: ***giggle giggle*** Yes, how did you know?

RB (in his best Brando, also known as New Joysey, snarl): Here's your plantation right here, Stella! Stellaaaaa!

Stella: ***giggle giggle***

RB beamed, turned to me and bobbed his head up and down like he had done something impressive. He'd used up two quotes this week already, the other one was when he was locked out from his truck and his teacher had lent him her cellphone. RB had said, "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers."

Me, next in line, rolling my eyes, in a bored tone: Thousands of years have passed him right by, and here is Stanley Kowalski, bearing the raw meat home from the kill in the jungle.

I smirked back him. I'm sure I misquoted, but hey, it's been a long while since I saw the movie, 'kay. RB snarled.

Stella: ***eyes wide, not sure now what she was dealing with***

Just two dirty and sweaty roofers, my dear, who are too damn competitive for their own good. RB's lucky I'm not crazy enough to go to Spain with him to run with the bulls. I don't think he and I would survive trying to outdo each other while trying to run with a herd of 2000 lb animals with sharp horns.

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Uber Strange Way To Pick A Roofing Company

Yes, another brilliant moment of wordplay meets crazy:

The uber-roofer was giving a bid on a re-roofing job. Everything was going pretty normal--going up the roof, checking the job over, making quick estimation, coming down the ladder to talk to the owner. While this was going on, the owner, a woman, was standing outside and staring up at the roof.

When we got down, the conversation started normally enough, with talk about the age of the roof, blahblah, possible leaks, blahblah. We gave our bid and then when she said she had other roofers coming to look that afternoon, we agreed that yeah, it was always good to have multiple bids to make a big decision like re-roofing.

Suddenly the wind shifted.

"Oh, I don't hire people by their bids," the woman said. She gave us a hard stare. "I check their auras."

I am not kidding. She said "auras."

At this point, Mr. Linguist in my group of learned roofers chimed in excitedly, "Oh, that's okay, you'll like my auras!" At which, he lifted his shirt to show his "auras." "My old lady says they are nice and pink."

His auras are nice and pink.

:::dies laughing:::

I don't think we'll get the job. I've sort of seen Mr. Linguist's auras with the weird prison tattoo above one of them.

Needless to say, I didn't show her my auras either.

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