Sex Toys That You Probably Won't Find In A Romance Novel

I was researching Heath (#8)'s dark side for one scene in Virtually One the other day. Heath, if you've read my Virtual books, is one of the commandos and he's the "Interrogator." Obviously, his sexual likes would roam into the darker aspects "fun."

My research took me to many, many places on the Internet that left my jaw on the floor several times. It was fun, scary, disconcerting, and hilarious. Below will be a list of sex toys/things that you won't see my Heath playing with, although he might mention it in his usual deadpan expression.

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1) Dildo Pogo Stick

I kid you not. This toy was a main feature in a sex trade show (they exist!) and costs about $200. Imagine the heroine jumping up and down on one of these to relief some tension after a tough day at work.



The Dildo Pogo Stick comes by itself and also with an additional cradle w/attachment for parties. A very hoppy event, I'm sure.


2) Medieval Cock Ring



I mean, look at it.  It's sure to make a man feel prickly.  It's an iron maiden with spikes for your man junk. I'm sure there are other uses for it. Napkin holders?

3) Vagina In A Can





Only the Japanese would think of this item.  It even comes with lubricant.  You can use it once and throw it away! Like a soda can!  I can see the heroine walking in on the hero at that moment.

"Honey, what are you doing with that can?"

4) Dildo That Shoots Like Hose



Yes, finally, you can enjoy an all over spooge-bath.  It will make your partner weep with envy.  Look at that fountain!

5) Extreme Ass Spreader



So this was how Goatze Guy started (google goatze at your own risk and I mean it).  This instrument weighs one lb and is recommended by Dr. BDSM.  Retractor opens up to FOUR inches wide. Fun.

6) Giant Butt Plug



And if you questioned wny anyone needed to use No.5 above, here is your answer.

7) Drilldo




This is one attachment for your drill set that I bet you never saw at Lowe's or Home Depot.  Website selling this says that it "fits any drill with a standard bit adapter. It is made to work with any vac-u-lock dildo. The spinning sensation created by this dildo is like none other."

8) Horn of Plenty



When your man produces this for Valentine's Day, run, girl, RUN!!!

9) USBSex



Now THIS one is scary because it's close to the virtual world I've created in my series :P.  This is a sex toy that was invented by a NASA engineer that you can PLUG into your computer. Then you plug your junk to it.  It simulates sounds, heat, view, everything while you just watch it on the screen, I guess.

It's a computer-controlled "stimulation" device that uses specially encoded content to bring a sort of virtual-reality experience to, um, a certain member. Using a host of technologies, the futuristic-looking computer peripheral simulates motion, adjusts temperature and provides lubrication. The encoding is deciphered by a custom Windows Media Player plugin.

 There are videos you can pay for on that site that instructs you how to do it right.  Just google RealTouch. The videos...LOL...if you pay, your eyes will go wide like mine did.

10) Face Mask of Doom

I have no words for this device. Just know that if anyone comes at me with that thing on, I'll laugh myself to death. And might demand you to growl out, "Luuuuke, I am your father!"

And there you have it.  Ten sex toys that you won't see in romance novels.

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