Dead Appliances Working (For Now)

Mood today:



Sigh.

Sympathy please. I hope this year doesn't have the theme of January. January feels like the dreaded synchronized major appliance breakage syndrome (SABS). Every major appliance in the house is making loud noises and speaking its own language. No translation necessary:

Refrigerator: "Yo, Jenn. Listen to my belly growling louder and louder, man. You better check out that compressor."

Air conditioner: "Um, Jenn, love. There's a reason why the house vibrates when I come on."

Dryer: "Look ma, no timer! I'll just dry these clothes till they become balls of lint. No need to fold, ma!"

The garbage disposal made a horrible clunking gurgly noise late last night. I woke up in a panic because someone told me there were some recent robberies. I crept out of my room. Whatever it was, it was LOUD. At first, I thought the guestroom toilet broke, so I checked. Nope, it came from the kitchen. Under the sink.

When I looked under there, yeah, the sounds came from there, but NO ONE WAS USING THE SINK. It sounded like churning water but there was no water running! This went on for a minute more and then it stopped.

Of course, mystified, I turned on the water. The sink side was fine. Then, I used the garbage disposal (with water). Water shot out. Okay. Found the problem. But why was it making noises in the middle of the night? Were the spirits of rotten sexy veges laughing at me?

This morning, the plumber took a look at it and was equally perplexed because there was a tiny little hole on the disposal. He'd never seen it happen quite the way I described, especially the middle of the night clunking. Usually, a hole is caused by some kind of wreckage from the inside when the machine is ON. But it was 2.30 am and I was asleep. Hmmm. I swear I didn't use my .38. ;-P

So, anyway, he will buy a new disposal and change it in the morning. Yeah, might I add for $280, parts and labor. Nice way to start the day, huh? I'm half tempted to just let it go since I hardly use the disposal. I mean, how hard is it to just put my finger over the hole if I turn it on? I'll just pretend to be the little Dutch Boy saving the dyke.

I'm convinced that the loud noise is the Spirit of Dead Major Appliances calling to me. There's no other explanation. They are giving me a warning. Premonition. Nikki Harden would agree with me:

1) When we talk louder than the story you're writing, LISTEN TO US! It's not your hearing getting better with age, like you think.
2) Your "chuuung" not balanced, my child, so better check the bank balance. You gonna be writing something other than spy vs spy.
3) It's time for your heart to listen to your head and...go appliance shopping. *whimper*
4) If you not listen, angry appliance ghosts don't get fed, get angrier, and you pay more. Hungry ghosts must be fed!

Well, how else would you explain a sudden $300 bean-size hole appearing in the middle of a non-working garbage disposal at night?

Ten year-old appliances. I have to face this fear alone. No comforting wind chimes. Sigh. This roofer is going to have to put on some roofs to pay some hungry appliance ghosts.

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Thanks for listening to me rant. Your reward is THE EVIL EX-BOYFRIEND PLOT courtesy of Vanessa Jaye. Man, this dude is total garbage but his revenge cracked me up. I'm sick, I know. Blame it on Vanessa Jaye! ;-)

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