Technology Killed Uber Roofer

It's funny that I write high-tech spy romance. I'm so technologically-challenged that programming an Ipod is an adventure. One reason is that I suddenly nurture my inner-guyness when it comes to stuff that has INSTRUCTIONS booklets; I tend to just go for the toy without reading the how-to manual first.

Of course, it was easier in the old days. Hit play, right? What's the big deal? Find the button and hit it. There. See? It's working. I'll figure out the rest.

But these days, every freaking cool-ass gadget comes with a manual for every button. You should have seen me and my first venture with cell phone programming. Too many choices. Too many things I don't need. I've sort of conquered the Address Book (and entering addresses on that mini-pad is a pain--how do you guys text-message? I'd die in an emergency if I had to text someone....) now. I even know how to use the camera! Okay, I cheated a little...I asked some guy to show me ;-). But that's another way I get by without actually reading Da Manual.

However, there are some things that I have to deal with on my own. Take, for example, my really, really cool HDTV set in my living room, the one my former assistant purchased on my account. I love it but I don't know how to do much with it except turn it on and off. There is this "Device" button that scares the shit out of me because every time I click on it, the screen lights up and tells me which "component" I want and there are obviously 1001 components for choice. Argghh. I avoid that button as much as possible.

So last night, I clicked the ON button to watch my two guilty pleasures, House and Rock Star: Supernova. Argghhhh...the screen was blue! And remained that way no matter what I did. I had no idea what the heck that meant but clicking on that "Device" button didn't help. I did several things with the remote that apparently made the TV do the equivalent of sticking its tongue out at me. And yeah, it had a blue tongue.

Wahhhh. I was going to miss the show! I do have a small TV in the bedroom but I've been spoilt by the big size screen. I want my HDTV!

Let me tell you--desperation speed reading of manuals doesn't help this kind of situation much ;-). I scarcely understood what it said about Component One and Troubleshooting with Device Blah-Blah. And the man who could help me (and I don't mean RB who is worse than I am when it comes to technology. Besides, he was probably too busy GOOGLING at that moment, bwah!) was away doing his annual baseball tournament. I didn't think calling him on his cell phone whining about the blue screen was going to bring me any loverly sympathy. Maybe sarcasm, which he's pretty good at.

So who you gonna call? (Gotcha humming that song now, eh?)

The Cable Company of course! And you know what? I want to publicly thank that sweet techie for being so patient with the hysterical woman with the Buttons Issue. He was remarkably calm about the fact that the woman was asking him to describe the "button" to press because there are so many buttons on the remote and on the cable box. He did crack up, though, when I wailed, "Why can't it be like that commercial with the Easy Button?" You know, the one with the big red button that takes care of everything.

Sigh. Lovely, lovely man. He walked me through what is called the Rebooting Process with the cable box. It wasn't the TV. I just didn't know the cable box had to be reset. Silly me.

Goodie! That means I can put off reading Da Manual for another day! Until the next blue screen emergency....By the way, do you guys know how to figure out the DVD buttons and which component is that for a Mitsubishi HDTV? If you do, come visit me. I'll buy you dinner ;-).

Thank goodness, on the roof, I just shoot a gun. No buttons there....Ain't I brill about the Easy Button suggestion, or what? Yeah, thought so.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!