Uber Paranoia

Okay, maybe it's the turkey-induced state of mind, but I was amused and somewhat non-plussed by this holiday message on Patricia Cornwell's website:

A Message from Patricia Cornwell

We have reason to suspect that someone (or a group of someones) might be mobilizing people to attack me through Amazon and Barnes and Noble, etc., to hurt my sales and reputation.

So here is what I'm asking. Would you please encourage your friends and those you have contact with that if they like Book of the Dead, to please spread the word, and if so inclined, to please post their reviews on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. It's easy to do. For Amazon.com, if you already have an account, you can post a review. Otherwise, open an account by buying a book. You can also check the boxes of other reviews to say you disagree or did not find their review helpful, if this is so. Barnes and Noble does not appear to require any account for posting reviews.

Over the past week there were about fifty bad reviews posted for a book that has gotten the highest reviews for any book I have ever written. If you see what I am saying. Interstingly, this all started right after a Pentagon high official tried to get me to make a pro Bush, pro war appearance on an aircraft carrier and I refused, politely, a photo opportunity to contradict what is in my novel! Not to mention my battle over Ruth Graham's burial. Suddenly, I am getting a barage of reviews discouraging people from buying my book, though there are some good ones as of today because my supporters are chiming in.

Right now I need my supporters. I am not asking you to write anything you do not mean. But why should hateful people be the only ones heard?
You and your friends can help by reading the book, encouraging others to read it, and posting their feelings about it - honest feelings.

With appreciation, Patricia

Ooookay.

After a couple of glasses of an excellent mixed drink called Pink Velvet Fetish (it is soooo gooood), I couldn't resist the following holiday announcement myself:

A THANKSGIVING MESSAGE FROM GENNITA

Dear fans,

The President thinks I know about his remoteviewing talents. His minions, the CIA, suspect I have the secret ingredients to the Serum. They are angry because I’m revealing it all in my book, Virtually His.

That’s why there are these 1-star reviews on Amazon.com — to detract people from the truth, the secret, the answer. (Virtually His, Virtually His, Virtually His…)

You have to go now to Amazon and Barnes and Noble and write several five-star reviews of my newest book. That will show the President that the good people of the United States are behind me!!!!! (Virtually His, Virtually His, Virtually His)

Sincerely,
Gennita

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

What's Cooking?

Wahhh, are you girls ignoring me for FAMILY and TURKEY? ;-) Well, no sexy sweet potato story for you then, hmmmph.

Instead, you get to read a wonderful article about the growth of romance on PUBLISHERS WEEKLY, titled Texually Promiscuous. It's about how the sub-genres of romance combine all the different layers that we readers love: adventure, fantasy, sex, and romantic elements. There is nothing like a romance ;-).

Beth Anne, the bookseller mentioned here, is a really fantastic reader/bookseller in Colorado Springs. If you live near that area, do pay a visit to her store. It's filled with signed items by very, very big and famous authors including Brockmann and Nora Roberts. She bakes the most fabulous cookies for her signings. I always try to drop by for a visit when I'm in the Denver, CO. area.

So, you go back to your turkeys and I'll go back to mine (on the roof). To my American readers, Happy Thanksgiving and drive safely. To those who outside the States, well, why aren't you posting here?!

(I've just started C.L. Wilson's Lord of The Fading Lands)

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Stream-of-Consciousness Ode To Turkeys

I know I have many readers outside the States who don't celebrate Thanksgiving and probably don't even understand the meaning of turkey and sweet potatoes. Don't worry, neither do I. I just participate because everyone does ;-).

The turkey, I was told, was this close to being our National Bird. It really does have some great qualities. For example, the turkey has excellent vision and hearing. Their field of vision is about 270 degrees, which is as close to having eyes at the back of one's head as one could get. It can run up to 20mph and take flight at great bursts of speed up to 55 mph. Benjamin Franklin, one of our forefathers, was the one who wanted the turkey to be our National Bird, but he was an eccentric genius who flew kites during storms, so yeah, you know there were a lot of eye-rolling and coughing among the other esteemed forefather dudes when old B.F. suggested the turkey!

So, we ended up with the majestic eagle. I have to admit the eagle brings more fear and a sense of pride in me than the gobbling turkey. Would you name your football team the Florida Gobbling Turkeys? Or would you prefer the Florida Eagles? Thought so.

So, we save the eagle. And we eat the darn turkeys, 'kay?

Do we romance the turkeys like we romance the eagle? Think of it...we wouldn't mind a hero who's a were-eagle, right? We embrace that. Do you think Anita Blake would use her magic hooha with a were-turkey? Okay, strike that thought. ;-) Anita would do it with a were-worm, if it meant a possibility of a threesome in the future. LOL.

But back to the turkeys and Thanksgiving. My question from over twenty-some years ago remained unanswered. I asked, when I was told that the first Thanksgiving feast didn't include turkeys but probably deer, why was the turkey suddenly picked as the bird/food of choice then? Today, two decades later, I still haven't gotten an answer. I suppose, one day a bunch of hunters couldn't find a darn deer all freaking week before Thanksgiving, and there was this bunch of wild turkeys just sitting there, gobbling away, and they just shot them and brought them home to their wives.

"That's the Thanksgiving turkey, honey," said the hunter to his wife. And who was she to complain? It's definitely easier than carving, gutting and skinning a deer. Turkey it was! And there you have it--a tradition started ;-).

Incidentally, we've gotten to using "turkey" as a synonym for "dummy." So, really, a were-turkey would be a really stupid hero, I think. With wrinkly excess neck skin. Oh ugh.

Not that we readers are that literal with our imaginations, of course. I mean, it is the BALD eagle, you know. ;-)

But back to the turkey. If there were such a thing as a were-turkey, one of my workers would be it. He talks and talks and talks ALL day, so much so that after a while, the words sound suspiciously like "gobblegobblegobbleygook." And he is a bit dumb. Okay, a lot dumb.

For example, he was telling us today that he was a Thanksgiving baby and that he'd be 46 on Thursday. And proceeded to tell us about the birthday feast, the turkey, the stuffing, everything that he planned to do. Then he let slipped that he was born in 1962.

A pause in our hammering.

"Uh. Yo, dude. That makes you 45 this Thursday."

"No, it doesn't. I've been 45 all year."

"If you were born in 62, and your birthday is this Thursday, you're turning 45, dude."

"I tell you, I am 45 already."

"No, you aren't."

"Am too!"

"Do the math."

He waved his fingers dramatically. "72. 82. 92. 02. That's 40. 03, 04, 05, 0...6, 0.............se....ven. Forty.....five," he counted, the last few numbers coming out rather reluctantly.

"See? I was right. You're actually 44. Not that it fucking matters since you've been 45 all year."

His birdcrown creased. The neck skin looked suspiciously red. "Huh?" Angry sniff. Rotating 270 degrees-eyes "Dammit. My wife tricked me! She told me I was 45! Can you believe it, she got my age wrong!"

Multiple groans and snickers around the roof. And that, my friends, is not an alpha were-turkey either.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF