It's Not A Dead Parrot

I'm talking about BP CEO Tony Hayward, you know, the Brit guy on TV with the adorable Gekko accent, the public face of the BP deep ocean oil well explosion disaster. I don't think this man knows that he is the designated whipping boy, and if he does, he sure knows how to make himself sound clueless with his epic rhetorical blunders.

The gems coming out each time he opens his mouth reminded me of Marie Antoinette's purportedly arrogant "Let them eat cake" when confronted by a starving crowd outside the palace doors.

You must speak his lines below in full Monty Python style, and then tell me if you don't agree with me that this guy's eating some soles, and I don't mean the dead fish floating in the polluted Gulf.

I'm rephrasing some of his quotes taken from my Google and Yahoo news feeds. Go check out the news articles yourself and read for yourself his comments about not being an expert and other "gems."

Louisiana/Gulf Residents: "Excuse me, we'd like to register a complaint. There's a leaking oil well in our ocean."

Hayward: "No one wanted to resolve the crisis as badly as I because I'd like my life back."

Ahem. Dear, Mr. Hayward, so do the residents of Louisiana, who lives will NEVER be the same for a long, long time after you've returned home to eat cake.

Before the Senate hearing (I'm paraphrasing and parodying C-Span here, so you have to play along):

Senator: "This is a dead well."

Hayward: "That's irreverent, isn't it?"

Senator: "But it's dead and it's dead because of your company!"

Hayward: "We drill hundreds of wells. I wasn't part of the decision making process on THIS well. Another well that hasn't exploded, yes, but not this one. This one is somebody else's decision."

S: "But you're the CEO!"

H: "But that's irreverent again, isn't it? I'm the CEO, yes, but that doesn't make me an expert.

S: "What then do your oceanography scientists say about the well and the leaking oil?"

H: "Sorry, I'm not an oceanography scientist. Next question?"

S: "But aren't your engineers going to drill a relief well to save the ocean?"

H: "Sorry, sorry, I'm not a drilling engineer either. Just a humble little CEO."

S: "You're stonewalling us!!!"

H: "I'm really, really sorry. Really, I am. Now I have to go to attend to Bob. I need a weekend off to see my precious Bob sail around the Isle of Wight. Lots of millionaires there, you know. Now, I'm an expert of that. You can come along, if you like, but really, it's just me trying to get some family time."

"Bob" is Mr Hayward's yacht and he took the weekend off to take it sailing at a world-famous race. Because, you know, that's what CEO do.

Here, y'all watch the great Monty Python skit below and tell me if Mr. Tony Hayward doesn't sound like he's trying to convince the people the parrot wasn't dead.

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