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VIRTUALLY HERS came out Oct. 2009. Get it at SAMHAIN Publishing. VIRTUALLY ONE coming soon.
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VIRTUALLY HERS UPDATE

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

More Cow Bells!

Morning humor (esp. if you listen to the morning news). I thought this would help everyone to understand. And you know we're all very confused at this moment.






Cows and Political Philosophy

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.


CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.


HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly- listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.


ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.


FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.


TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.


POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.


COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.


SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

THERE WILL BE A TEST ON THIS SOMETIME TODAY. IF YOU DON'T PASS, I'll MAKE YOUR COWS CRY.



Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!

5 comments:

Kathleen Dante said...

Nah. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government fines you for their CO2 and methane emissions and forces you to buy carbon credits so you can keep the cows.

LadyZannah said...

I'll take the chicken biscuit with waffle fries and a lemonade, please.

LadyZannah said...

BTW I'm lactose intolerant so I really don't care much about the milk but I could make soome butter or cheese. I would make plenty of burgers, brisket, filet mignon, T-bones, roast beef samiches, bbq ribs......oh yeah and I would get me the leather for a jacket and a pair of pants if possible. I'm sure I could use the manure on my ex-husband's truck, I mean as compost for my garden. Need veggies to go with all that beef you know.
Forget the MAN, down with the Establishment, Power to the People! etc,etc,etc
.................oy my head......too much caffeine today.

kim said...

that was awesome thank you. ive had some good news lately so i think yours must be just around the corner :)

vince said...

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

FLORIDA: There is a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking cow. Some people who actually like the brown cow best accidentally vote for the black cow. Some people vote for both cows. Some people vote for neither cow. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which cow you think is the best-looking cow.

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