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Man sitting at the restaurant table. Loud disgruntled moan. Woman looking up from the newspaper.
Man: I listened to three hours of lecture on The Hobbit last night.
Woman: Yeah, deep stuff, huh?
Man: (inhuman moan) I thought the story was about some rabbit looking things who like to stay home and smoke their pipes. Turns out they were some representation of some English folks. (rubbing his face wearily)
Woman: (coughing) Rabbit looking things?
Man: Yeah. They live down a hole. They have fur. Rabbits, right? She showed some pictures from the movie last night and they didn't look nothing like rabbits. Which made sense, actually, because when I read about the Eagles coming out to help them, I'd thought, why wouldn't they eat the Hobbits, which were rabbits, you know? But now, I guess they really weren't, so that's why the Eagles didn't eat hobbits.
Woman: (coughing harder) (trying to think of rabbits walking around onscreen)
Man: (getting into story-telling mode now, since he ALWAYS manages to launch to telling the whole story no matter what the question is) Then the wizard came and took the hobbit off to adventure, and hobbits, they didn't like adventure because they liked to smoke pipes and eat, but this one, he had something in his bloodline, and so he was off to do some adventuring, and the elves, they looked at the wizard and thought, "Why the fuck are you hanging out with this hobbit for?" (starts to gesture animatedly) Then they ran into trolls which represented the lower classes or something in Britain, and the hobbit stole something and that made the elves liked him a bit, but then he got caught and so again, they looked at the wizard, and was like, "What the fuck are you doing hanging out with this hobbit for?" And oh yeah, the owner of that ring was a snake which turned out not to be a snake, but was a damn hobbit. (big excruciating sigh)
Woman: (speechless with admiration of this brilliant synopsis of The Hobbit) (choking on lunch)
Man: And it's all about World War One (loud inhuman moan and smacking his forehead with paper). Rambo rabbits. I give up.
********
You sure you want to hear Ranger Buddy slaughters Shakespeare's Othello?
;-)
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Ranger Buddy Slaughters A Classic Act II Scene III
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14 comments:
Oh My God!!! I really thought I'd heard it all. I really had, but this... well, RB, you've done it again. I dread the idea of him ever reading the entire Lord of the Rings. Maybe you could try again with the Chronicles of Narnia? I think the imagery there screams enough that he'll get it. LOL Though, to be honest, I am not a fan of The Hobbit and certainly never looked at it with an eye toward analysis. The Lord of the Rings yes, Hobbit no. And yes, WWI is very important and informs a great deal of what Tolkien wrote. {Deep Sigh} But you know, I get a lot more laughs this way. ;)
OMG I thought that was too funny. But I can't blame him, I've never read the HOBBIT either so I'd have been pretty much like RB on that one.
LOL oh that was good.
WendyK
LOL :) well you can tell him if its any consolation I was an English major... for two semesters until I gave up and switched because I couldn't see all the hidden meanings... and I couldn't get past the first chapter of The Hobbit. Oh the shame... I did like Othello though.
Dang!! I'd love to read a story about Rambo rabbits!!
Goddess help you and RB if he has to read Watership Down!!!!
I can't write a paper about Rambo Rabbits. Sigh. You know this is going into a story somewhere in the future, right?
LOL "Rambo rabbits." I get this image of your three stooges doing a shtick around that.
Hey, Rambo Rabbits sound awesome!! I could go for that. LOL I see bunnies.
I'd love to hear his take on Othello. :D
Kath, yes, I hear them snerking about Rambo Rabbits too. When can I write a SEAL book again? ;-)
Ar, ar {clapping flippers} SEAL books are great too. ;)
dang yes I want to know what he says about Othello! or the Illiad even. This is much better than the English Lit class I took. LOL rabbits, rofl
I thought my husband--who at 18 had memorized the first 9 pages of THE HOBBIT--was going to implode when he read this! LOL!
On the other hand, I actually thought there was a certain kind of Outsider genius about RB's perspective. Like... if you'd never heard of Van Gogh would you think his art looked kinda wacko? I might have.
Aw, Pam, your husband would have had a fit if he'd heard the f-bombs in the real dialogue ;-). And what he said about the elves, heehee. I have to clean it up a bit....
And Othello. OMG. I heard part of his summary for Othello and his "demonic possession" today. I about died.
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