VIRTUALLY HERS came out Oct. 2009. Get it at SAMHAIN Publishing. VIRTUALLY ONE coming soon.

I've also made available at Amazon BIG BAD WOLF a COS Commando book, an earlier manuscript about Killian Nicholas Langley. You can sample the first five chapters right here. EBOOK now available for KINDLE, NOOK, and at SMASHWORDS for $4.99.

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Big Bad Wolf Author's Note/CH. 1

Big Bad Wolf CH. 2

Big Bad Wolf Ch. 3

(more chapters on left side bar below)

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VIRTUALLY HERS OUT IN PRINT AUG 2010! Discounted at Amazon!

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

Ode: My Junk My Junk My Uber Junk



I'm saying goodbye today to Brando's Super Bunny Wabbit. It's a big stuffed rabbit that he'd used as his wife for 18 years except that one time when he'd somehow managed to seduce Magic and begot me four beautiful puppettes. He used this rabbit so much at the wrong end, that it has a hole in its head, poor thing.

I'm throwing it away today, like some unwanted toy, and I feel guilty. It's a stinky old thing and had been just sitting there on Brando's big pillow (which is going too) since last August. I'd thought the Bad Puppy might adopt it--he'd dragged it around a couple of times--but he seemed to prefer tiny squealing things that goes :::bichik-bichik-bichik::: when they are squeezed in his mouth.

I really don't want to do it, but the mess in the house, it groweth like relentless kudzu. I don't want to look up one day and know that I've become one of those older people who have lost control of their houses. I've seen them in my repair jobs and they strike fear in my heart.

There was this lady, whose garage was so full, she couldn't open it at all. She'd called about a leak and the only access to her attic was through her garage but when I peeked through the window, all I saw was...I don't even know what I saw, just a room crammed with stuff all the way to the door. There was no way I was able to get in there and come out alive.

There was another residence belonging to two older gentlemen--I believe they were brothers--whose garage had piles and piles of magazines and newspapers. Some of them were so old they were breaking apart in my hands when I moved a few bundles so I could plug my extension cord in the wall. They weren't happy with me and wanted a discount for the damage!!!

I still remember the woman who appeared to have run out of closet room for her clothes and when she let me into her house to look at the wet spot on her ceiling, I had to literally step over little hills of dresses, jeans, shirts, towels, and blankets. They were all over the walls, on the sofas, the floors, hung on lampshades, cobwebbing the doorways to each room, hanging like disembodied ghosts, greeting me wherever I went. It was eerie and disturbing. And I felt like I was meeting Miss Havisham without the rotten food.

So. I looked around my house yesterday--and yes, the study that no one's allowed to enter--and I think it's time because I have piles of books and paper everywhere. I have a nice house but the mess is strangling it. It's either now or give in, like these people I met, and let the kudzu take over.

Brando's bunny is the symbol of my disease. I hang on to things that don't really matter. The thing is, I just let it sit there, on that pillow, day in and day out, collecting dirt and dust, as if its being there represents something pleasant in my past. Which it does, but really, I don't need it around to be reminded of Brando, right?

I feel like a madwoman sometimes, fighting between logic and sentiment. It's like being the ruler of a rebellious country, whose citizens have grown way too greedy. And being a gentle and generous queen, I find waging war against my people rather painful because I love them so much. Yet, yes, the kudzu rebels must die and those helping them, I'll have to crush them like autumn leaves in my pretty little working hands.

The next big step is to box up all those books from college and dump them. College was over twenty years ago and they aren't reusing these texts. But I love old books....old, old books are so full of old, sometimes way-out, always interesting, knowledge. Take, for instance, the old construction book I found that was printed in the 20s. That was an awesome read. Sigh. Maybe I'll keep that one.

Since I started writing professionally, I've also let paper trails taken over my life. Different versions of manuscripts--bound, boxed, strewn, slipped between notepads, filed--and they lie like so many doorstoppers around my study and garage. Why do I keep them? I have no idea. Most of them are already published books; I happen to just not think about them while I start another story, and another, and another.... Even publishers don't want them, sending back the edited versions back to me. There's a reason why they called them DEAD material, girl.

So, today, the Bunny. It hurts. Maybe tonight the books and dead materials. Actually, that's going to be an all-day project, but hey, one box a day, maybe? Then, perhaps, one fine weekend, I can proudly announce here that I've moved back into my study, in control of the that section of my country once more.

We'll talk about the bedroom rebellion then, heh heh.

What's in your life that's running you? That makes you feel out of control? That you know, if you don't do something very soon, it'll take over and overwhelm you? Do children and animals count? ;-)

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Deborah said...

The hubby and I think we are messy, but after last week I now know we are just "a little bit" untidy. I was in Florida at my best friend's mother's funeral. I stayed with my friend because she was so distraught. Well. I can officially say that I am the best of best friends. Her apartment was . . . goodness, I still get chills thinking about it. I was afraid to walk without my shoes on, she has cats (which I'm allergic to) and I was walking over piles and piles of clothing and paper and cat "items". There were no counters or tables that were not covered. Having not been there in a number of years, I did not realize her home life was chaotic.

So when I came home, I looked around and decided that the only room with "a problem" was my office. It is now deliciously dust, my books are organized and properly shelved, and
"unnecessary" paper free.

Jenn, I understand the need to let go of things that no longer serve you. By doing this you are creating space for more wonderful things to come. Brando won't mind the Wabbit being gone. He knows his mommy loves and will always remember him. Plus, in its own way, you are honoring him.


LadyZannah said...

Kudzu rebels, I like that but dang if children and animals count I'm in deep doodoo. Their stuff is everywhere, I step on legos and my doggy's squeeky squirrel (named Bucky)all the time. Heck I have found legos in my shoes. Then of course there is the alpha male leaving stuff where he can see it while I like everything put away. That is why we have closets, drawers and cabinets for no? It is madness and don't get me started on the garage that houses everything but a car.
It's like every year we outgrow the house a little bit more, at this rate we gonna need a 5000 sq ft home by next year.

Anonymous said...

I understand you on Brando's toy. It does represent memories for you, but I don't think you need the toy to always remember him. I had a budgie who died 6 years ago. For the longest time we kept his cage...but it was just making the pain worst. So we finally bought a new one and gave it to our neighbors to start some new memories. But I kept one of his wing feathers, and framed it with his picture cause it's just beautiful.

Anonymous said...

^ I meant, bought a new budgie [about a year later]

vince said...

After my divorce a number of years ago I took a lot of stuff I owned and stored it, because there wasn't room for it all in my new place. As time passed, I got tired of paying storage charges and began weeding through things. I finally fot rid of my storage trailer (yes, I had rented a semi-trailer to store all my stuff.)

The tough things to throw/recycle were books and LPs. I had about 3,000 LPs; now I have under 200. Furniture was eaier - did it hold books, videes/DVDs, CDs, LPs, computer equipment or one of my stereos? It stayed. Otherwise, bye-bye.

I have a bit more furniture today, but not much. My needs are simple.

The three cats add to the clutter I have, but that's okay.

Jenn, when I lost my cat Phantom, I kept all his toys for several months. I really missed him. Eventually I got rid of them, but I still have my photos of him, and I'll always remember him.

Mary C. said...

Most likely, I will be moving within the next two to three months
from a residence that my family has lived in for fifty years (ten rooms total). We're waiting to see if the buyer can get the loan to purchase the building, so can't really start looking until we know the sale is going through.

Three of the rooms have been used for storage since the married sibings moved out.

Like Vince, the hardest thing is going to be my books and LPs.

Plus all the clothing I have and haven't worn for a while. The problem is that anything that was stored, I forgot about it.

It's frightening - two of my sibling basically did our Dad's room (passed away in May '07) two weeks ago - ended up with 21 30-gallon bags of clothing.

We have a ton of Chinese dishes that my relative brought over from Hong Kong back in 1968. Since they all contain lead paint, all of it has to be trashed.
Hate to think of what's in the other rooms.

My Siberian Husky Rusty passed away in 1996 - I still have his last collar with the tags on it.

Gennita said...

Yes, there are just some houses that are simply out-of-control. I live in fear of becoming like that!

Yes, I did put out the Wabbit yesterday with many other boxes. The boxes of books and clothes went fast!

Lady Zannah,
Amazing, isn't it, how we accumulate things in our lives? I still don't understand how I, small little tiny me, take up so much space. But I do. And I still want another room for this house!

Thanks for telling me what I know in my heart. And yes, I still have photos, so a big stuffed animal really is a bit too much.

Self-control and will-power, that's what I need ;-). When I reconquer my study, I'll send you some wine.

You'll be amazed at how many Floridians rent a storage place for their junk. And it ain't cheap!

Mary C.,
Wow. See, I don't want this to happen to me. when I get really, really old, I'm going to have to just give EVERYTHING away! ;-P

Isn't it amazing how attached we grow to our furbabies? I get so sad when I look at Brando's babies, who are twelve now, and know there won't be any more mutants with his bloodline after them.


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