Interview With Uber-Alpha Males

Wow! You girls were passionate yesterday ;-)! Talking about the extinction of the alpha male brought up your dander, eh? Tressa even threatened with her vibrator against wimpy males! LOL.

So I conducted an interview with a few "characters" and characters in my life.

Me: Ranger Buddy, what do you think of Alpha males going out of fashion?

RB: Going out of fashion? Like how?

Me: You know, not a trend any longer. For example, you see guys with eyeliner more and more now, instead of just a rock band fetish. Or guys who know more about decor and fashion than their girlfriends. We kind of call them Beta Males.

RB (smiling): Betamax? Didn't it lose to the Alphamax way back when?

Me: Haha, very funny. So, are you going to give a comment about the passing of the Alpha Male?

RB (giving me a very nice view of his biceps): Can an eyeliner do this? Can he carry you bundles of shingles without you asking? Can a purse make you mad about men in general?

Me: I guess not.

*****

Me: Hey, Rick Harden, I've been told you're the quinessential Alpha male. What do you say when people say you are an egostistical son-of-a-bitch?

RH (giving me a long look): What's your point?

Me: Umm, your highhandedness. Your "my way or the highway" attitude. Your...you know, namesake, Dick Hard-On, the whole Uber-Alpha male stupidity. It grates some people. They think you're insufferable.

RH: Again, what's your point?

***********
Me: Roofer One (the one who makes up words and gets bashed by his wife all the time), spell ALPHA.

Roofer One: Wha...???

************
Me: Roofer Two (Walrus Man), are you an Alpha Man?

Roofer Two (in between long drags of his cigarette): I. Am. Sparta.

Me: **coughcough**

*************
Me: Hawk, babe, sorry to interrupt you...

Hawk (not looking up): This better be good.

Me: I mean, can you umm, stop kissing Amber for a minute?

Hawk (looking up): Why? You've seen us do other more intimate things.

Me: Ahem, well, you got a point. Ahem. Anyway, I need an answer to a quick question.

Hawk (back to kissing Amber)

Me: HAWK!

Hawk (releasing Amber and sighing): It'd better be a life or death question. What is it?

Me: Uh, is the Alpha Male out of style with women?

Hawk (giving me a look and then pulling Amber right back into his arms): Go away. I'm busy. (Resumes very Alpha behavior on Amber)

*********
Me: Say, Jiggle Low, are you an Alpha Dog?

Jiggle (nipping me and then running to nip Lilah): Yip, yip, yip!

Me: What do Alphas do that make women hate them so much?

Jiggle lifts his leg and marks his territory.

Me: Ah. Shit...where's the damn paper towel?

***************
Me: Ahem. EH...HEM!

Jed: (looking up from his dictionary and cocking his head)

Me (sing songy): Ahem!

Jed: (lifting an eyebrow) (Waiting)

Me: Why do people think you're so damn Uber-Alpha?

Jed: (blinks. His lips curve slightly. His light eyes glitter...I think with amusement....)

Me: It's that damn 'silent' thing, isn't it? That makes you Alpha or something.

Jed (softly): Nah. Come closer and you'll find out yourself.

Me (running away): Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip!

************
And there you have it, impromptu but definitely informative. ;-)

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