An Uber Roofer-Author-Spy Concoction

I'm home, back to normal, if you consider yelling at four stucco guys, two crapenters, and my roofing partner within four hours of back to work normal ;-). Uber-roofer is back.

But I miss, miss, miss New York still. Wish I could stay there till Chinese New Year this Sunday, but not with this deadline looming. Talking about deadlines, my beautiful, wonderful, kind, sweet, lovely, generous, great ;-) ;-) ;-) editor gave me a little bit more time.

The meeting with her went very well. Publication date is still not 100 percent but she said it's end of the year or Jan. 2007, which is still one year away. It's tough and I'm worried about keeping the readers interested, so I'm going to have to start a "let's peek into Hell's Journal" on FYEO now and then (starting today, folks!) just to see whether that would generate some excitement through the year. You'll have to tell me in the comment area whether it's a good idea or not! I value your opinions very much.

There's still a possibility of the anthology that has become a three story thing that I posted about a few weeks back. The powers-that-be are very excited about my concept, so hopefully I'll have some news to share with you in a bit. Publishing is a very, very slowwwwww business, if you haven't realized that by now.

And yes, the squirrel still has its big balls. Yeeeeha. Heh.

Anyway, here is a quick rundown of what I did:

During football, I left my companion with that weird shape thing that they throw up and down the field, and snuck into Chinatown all by myself and ate and ate and ate. And ate. Boy, was I in heaven.

Then I went into one of those Chinese Herbal Medicine places that you see in movies. I haven't seen a traditional Chinese doctor in decades so it was kind of a fun thing to do. Here is a picture of the doctor (who wore a doctor coat, much to my amusement) doing what we call "dim mak," sort of the ancient way of reading the pulse and sensing the rise and fall of the "chi" or energy.

He said that my "chi" was very weak and that affects my mental health. Hah! Proof at last that I have mental problems.... Anyway, he told me I needed replenishment and recommended some herbs that would make me feel better in fifteen days. The concoction would also make my female YIN more potent and I'll feel...he said it in Chinese but I can't really find the right word for it, so I'll just say that it's supposed to make me feel...SEXIER. How could I say no to that?! I'll take sexier...sure, give me the magic dosages, doc.!

You see those little drawers behind the assistant? They are all labeled and have things like Ma Huang, Gin Seng, Bird's Saliva, etc. She took stuff out of several drawers, weighed them, and carefully cut them into pieces before putting the portions onto the soft trays on the table.

Here is a close-up. See? Fifteen portions to make me less mental and lots sexier, hee hee (rubbing my hands in anticipation).

I told him I wasn't able to concentrate and he added more instructions to the assistant. "Wow, how about inspiration, doc? Anything for inspiration?" "That," he said gravely, "you have to pray the gods for."

Oh. Well, I do that everyday. See that big red bruise on my forehead, doc? I bang my head in subjugation everyday, doc. On the keyboard. Here's a pic of all the bags:

I am to use three cups of water and boil each bag of herbs until it's only one cup of ahem...SERUM...left, and then I take it for the next fifteen days. And I'll be SUPER UBER WRITER ROOFER SPY, bwahaha.

Either that or I go to the bathroom a lot.

God help me.

Addendum and warning: Children, I am a professional. Do not try this at home without supervision. Don't worry, I have six poms. And I am Chinese. We eat weird things.

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