Uber Authors Face Deadlines Differently

Okay, the deadline is looming and I'm NOWHERE near done. So let's pack for New York City, shall we? ;-) The good thing is, I'll be seeing my editor, so I can actually grovel at her feet and beg for mercy or something. Maybe bribe her a bit with a kewl gift and lunch. I hope she doesn't read my blog in her free time...she's supposed to be a very busy lady.

I'm nowhere near done. Nowhere. I'm not holding my breath that I will by 31 Jan. either. I lost FIVE whole days to Chapter 11. The consolation is, I found a solution to my problem and it's now back to writing instead of wringing hands and walking around with a harried look in my eyes. I scare myself when I brush my teeth in the morning and had to stare at that madwoman in the mirror. Whoa. Gargle.

So, anyway, I've decided to add pics now and then in the post to show my mood. For example, Jenn's mood today:

My buddy, Sadista, observantly observed that this little guy has some nuts. No kidding. I look at him and I think...yeah, people look at me like I'm a squirrel that happened to have SOMETHING big to show off ;-).

Last night, I was buying my favorite snack-meal, a slaw footlong with bacon bits, to go. Suddenly the owner chimed in and said, "So, how's the writing going?"

Now, this always surprises me because I never expect people to know that I'm a writer. I'm always in my roofing clothes so I'm in uber-roofer mental mode usually, but this has happened several times already.

"Good, thanks," I replied.

There's always that awkward pause because I never really know what to add to that. I mean, if I had told the truth and started to moan to him about chapter 11, I'm sure he'd never ask me that question again, but that's not good PR, you know? ;-) Inevitably, though, these moments segue into the REAL reason behind the question.

I'm not being cynical here, but I find that most (there is always the exception and I've met totally sincere strangers who only wanted to congratulate me) of the time, the next sentence would be either of these scenarios:

1) "I have a (niece, son/daughter, uncle, grand-pa, girlfriend) who just finished a book. Can you read it for her?"

2) "Can you give me the number to your editor? I would appreciate it if you can give me a letter of recommendation too." (Strangers to me, these people, remember)

3) "So why are you still roofing?" (From cynical people who have kind of known me around town)

4) "How much does it pay? How many books have you sold?" (variations to #4)

5) "I wish I have time to write a book. If only I have, I would write about my life. You should write about my life then we can split the money. I have an interesting life!"

6) "I should get into writing a book too, just like you. Whip it out and get some great money, huh?"

7) "What is it you write again? One of those love stuff, right? I should take some time off and do one of those love books."

Tonight, the line was:

"Yeah, I wish I have the time to write too. Then I can ride around in that new convertible like you. It's a nice car."

Ooops. I bought a new convertible a year ago and sometimes I take it out of my garage when I'm not in my shitty beat-up truck. Now, I would have still bought that convertible whether I was published or not but try telling that to a stranger who sees you wearing your dirty roofing shirt and mismatched pants.

"Yeah, it's a nice car," I said, paying for my hotdog.

"Yeah, I'd love one. Maybe I'll play the lottery instead."

"It's easier," I agreed.

"When I get the time," this man said, "I'm going to write, like you, and then make the money to buy me a car like that."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that authors usually have two jobs and don't get that much money for their first sales. I've literally saved for years for my dream convertible and you know, I wanted to say, roofers can buy convertibles too if they want!!!

I also have bumped into other writers who will interrogate the published writer for details. I think they want to know what the secret is, and they get irritated if they find that there isn't really one. They question each of your past submission, what your past contest wins/finals are, whether it's your agent, down to the genre you're writing. They want to be published and they KNOW they will be, if only they can figure out which part of it they aren't doing now--not their writing, I mean, but the IT, the secret, that would get them the editor's attention. WHO DID YOU TALK TO? I WILL TALK TO HER TOO, that kind of attitude.

Where was I? Oh that squirrel. I feel like that squirrel to these people ;-). It's true. I have big nuts. You hear that, Sadista?!

Oh wait...I still need to face my editor. Dateline looms. Gulp.

Standby for pic of nutless animal next week.

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