Building The Future Uber Spy

There is NO hope. Today I read several articles about the state of manhood and the emergence of the "new" man. And it doesn't look good, ladies.

First, I read this article in the Orlando Sentinel:
Where Have All (Ze) Real Men Gone?
According to a servey of French men, there is a new "hybrid male," a creature who wants to wear pink shirts and is no longer interested in playing superhero to a wife and kids. He wants to have the ability to carry his baby for the nine months.

Awww, how sweet, you say. And of course, sure, go ahead! We would love you to. Wait, there's more.

This new hybrid male will be the anti-stud, according to predictions by some dude named Le Louet who works for a French consulting firm that predicts future consumer trends. One of the fashion predictions: our future hybrid male is shown with "bright-red Annie hair, sporting Peter Pan knit pants, a red-and-green-striped T-shirt, and -- in a coup de couture -- suspenders worn backwards for that little-boy-dressing-up-like-Daddy look."

So you giggle. But this is serious, folks. I'm writing a proposal about building a super spy, ice-cold and lethal. And I have this fantasy of a super bad boy spy...looking like that? Non, non, non, non, non! And he wants to get pregnant too, sigh. So now my spy is waddling around with swollen feet, resting his weapon on his huge tummy. Very deadly looking.

If the French loses the cool stud, when will the Americans follow? I'm always reading up on new technology to use in my stories and today's article talks about--the artificial womb for men who don't want the hassle of women in the process of getting a child. Great. I want to write about Super Spy Stud...not Brave New World Reversal Anti-Stud.

Your giggles turn into laughter. Come on, we're not heading that extreme. It's just an article.

Hold on, cherie. There are more horrors to come. Tell me if we aren't heading that way...I turn to the section that talks about beauty and do I see the usual article about our female obsession with looks? Non, non, non, non, non. There is a website and it's for the men to obsess about their wrinkles. Check out:
: Loreal Mensexpert
This webpage shows how a young man slowly grows old and jowly and offers products for men to use. It's the hybrid man knocking on our door, I tell ya. My pregnant red-headed uber-anti-stud spy is going to plaster his face nightly with cold cream just for the special male skin. Here is my hero setting up to seduce my heroine, but don't mess up his face cream, please.

This is not good at all. Fake wombs for the new hybrid male. Anti-Stud being the way of life. Shocking red-hair and backwards suspenders for the "softer" side of maleness. Youth cream-obsessed men who probably buy lots of shoes. My spy is supposed to merge seamlessly into society, like a shadow, a stalking panther in the dark after his target--and now, he's got to turn hybrid! Horrors.

You're now cackling, aren't you? You think I'm joking. Well, have you seen the Sports section? Why are they advertising EMU Wrinkle-Remover Cream there? Isn't that section for what-used-to-be the essential macho man? So who are they targeting? Do they know something about the coming of the hybrid male, something that I'm just finding out? =8-O Or, are they doing a role reversal thing, thinking the Sports section is now female territory? Either way, there is something rotten in Uber-Spy world.

One more case in point: Have you seen the latest Romantic Times Mr. Romance?

I have seen the future and he doesn't look dangerous uber-spy studly.

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