A Scary Uber-Bunny Story

Ah, Easter. I still have no idea how this Christian holiday became about bunnies and chocolate eggs. I could explain the chubby happy Buddhas that the Chinese Confucians pray to; I could even make a case for Santa Claus (St. Nicholas) and his presents. But bunny rabbits and chocolate eggs, that's mind-boggling!

And why do we always dress up our dogs and not our cats? Poor dawgies.

Depending on the season, they have to endure stag ears, red noses, and floppy bunny ears. I don't think I've ever seen a cat caught looking goofy like them.

And they are always happy to let you do anything to them! Cats will give you the evil eye if you dare to dress them up like that!


I remember in college, the old five-and-dime store, Woolworth's, used to sell HUGE blown up bunnies every year. They stand in the front window, their ears topping four feet, in rainbow pastels, with their painted big eyes and protruding teeth. No one bought them because they were too big for little kids and not soft and cuddly like stuffed animals. But that didn't stop Woolworth's from trying to sell them every year, for six years.

On the sixth year, I couldn't stand it any more, so I--POOR STARVING COLLEGE STUDENT, of course--bought ALL of them and stuffed them into my little red Omni. I had my best girlfriend helped me carry them out of the store. I'm sure Woolworth's staff was eternally grateful to those two stupid foreigners who were taking these rabbits off their hands forever. We barely had enough space to sit ourselves, and had to share the front with two of the bunnies. One sat on my friend's lap and I'm sure it looked like I was talking to a giant bunny rabbit. It was a college town, so nobody thought a carful of bunnies sticking out of the back windows strange or anything. Not even the cop we passed.

We took them to my little apartment, which I shared with my pomeranian, Rudy. We placed them all over the living room and kitchen. It looked like the invasion of the bunny rabbits. Rudy did not like my new "pets." They did seem to be eyeing him and grinning sinisterly. Anyway, waking up at night for a drink of water could get scary if one forgot that these bunny figures were guests...which was what happened next.

My boyfriend at that time lived and worked in another town. During the weekends, he drove over to be with me. Sometimes, because we were in LURV, he would drive over on late Friday nights. My apartment was a converted little house, so my bedroom was sort of the garage, so there was a door that led to the outside. I gave my boyfriend a key to that door so he could just park his car on the driveway and come right into my room without negotiating the steps to the front door, blahblahblah.

Because of that, he never did meet my "guests." Came right into my room around midnight and snuggled up.

He got up sometime after for the little boy's room. He strolled out of the bedroom to the study, where there were a couple of staring bunnies peeping out of the bathroom. Since he didn't have the light on, he couldn't see what they were, except there were "four or five shadows with sharp pointy things" standing by the doorway. I suppose I might have screamed or gasped, or something. Not my manly-man boyfriend. He decided he would creep to the kitchen to get "some weapon." Except there were some more silent intruders, some of whom were sitting on my coach, some obviously trying to steal my kitchen sink or something.

This all happened in the dark and very quickly, so I'm sure decisions were snappily made, without thought of consequence or logic involved. My boyfriend did remember thinking, "Oh my God, they must have killed Rudy!" since my dog was eeriely quiet (he was traumatized by the rabbits too). You have to also factor in that my ex-boyfriend had been drinking, being Friday, after work, and coming to me AFTER going out with the boys, so his judgment wasn't quite that keen.

I remember hearing a war-whoop. A very loud thud. And then there were sounds of pummeling and a very male "What the fuck!?". Something crash against the wall. Rudy started barking and growling.

I jerked up in bed, heart in mouth, and ran towards the noise, turning on the lights as I did so. My ex-boyfriend was sitting against the wall, naked, hugging on to a giant bunny rabbit. Okay, so actually he had it in a headlock. And of course, its lightness had surprised him so much that he had crashed into the wall in his mad rush to attack and there was a bloody cut on his forehead. Five other bunny rabbits had "hopped off" from their various positions to help their fellow rabbit, or at least, it looked that way, because they were in various odd positions around my ex-boyfriend, all staring at him malevolently.

No, that wasn't what broke us up ;-), although my hysterical laughter almost did it. Man, was he an embarrassedly MAD male. And since those were the days before digital cameras and ***gasp*** interactive internet, I didn't think of making him post with my four foot bunnies for posterity. Fortunate man. Knocked down and surrounded by a bunch of giant bunnies, heehee. Probably traumatized for life too, poor thing.

I have never seen those big plastic blown-up bunnies anywhere else, or I would send a dozen to the guy for his birthday, once I hunt him down. LOL.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!