I'm in rant mood. My extension for my business tax is about to run out (tomorrow) and I've been fighting the download (or upload, who knows) .exe whatever-engine for 22 hours now, thanks to DELL online and other various internet advice. So bear with me while I just spew a mini tantrum about things that need to be stomped at.
This is written live, in between Dell Technicians Who Can't Help Me.
1) It says in the ad, that it only takes one hour to do your taxes with Turbo Tax (ya, rrrrright). I guess we don't count the 2 hours to download/upload it and another two to update it. That is, if the first try works.
2) When calling Technical Support for any online order (DELLDELLDELL), why do they shuffle you to five different foreign countries who don't know or care how tired you are about repeating the same problem? Who then, aggravate your pain by obviously reading a pre-written apology about the wait and waste of your cell minutes before shuffling you off to another department? DELL FAILS. And then, if you ask for a refund out of frustration, for a link that wasn't sent, you're politely told that they couldn't access the link either, so no refund? The most satisfaction I got today was to be able to cuss in Indian just to hear a shocked silence on the other end. Ha. Yes, I'm a crude American and I know your language. Haha. HA. HA. HA.
While listening to the endless Muzak loop at STUPID DELL, I managed to come up with some deep thoughts as I stared
first at my feet: Why do we need nails? Especially toe nails. I mean, it's not like they are hoofs, essential for bearing the weight of magnificent running beasts. They grow: women paint them; men disgustingly cut them on the the kitchen table. Toe nails, to me, are useless. LIKE DELL TECHNICAL SUPPORT.
secondly at all the cups and saucers that were peeking out from my open cabinet: Does one person really need a dozen cups and saucers? And fifty forks and spoons? Why can't I throw away a coffee cup just because it has some cute saying printed on its side? Should I make some coffee while I wait? I mean, it might take DELL TECHNICAL SUPPORT all night to figure out how to save the world before getting back to me.
My third rant came from the answer of one of the bright DELL TECHNICIANS. He used the word I hate. Detest. Loathe. In reply to my "Can you help me?" he said, "Absolutely." Absolutely demands intensity. A total commitment. A need to complete, perfect, make whole. There is no such thing as a casual "absolutely." In this case, as I knew from experience of anyone who used that word, DELL TECHNICAL SUPPORT ABSOLUTELY did nothing to help me.
My fourth complaint is: Why does it take 60 secs for my credit card to be charged but two to three weeks for a company to refund the money??? Surely if it goes out that easily into their pockets, it should be just that easy to flow back into mine. Maybe they should pay me back with the interest they're going to make from my money (and many thousand others) sitting in their account.
A fifth discovery: Mahjong is a lot of fun when you're angry and frustrated. Especially the double sets. Mahjong to Muzak is all DELL TECHNICAL SUPPORT LINE is good for.
And lastly: the meaningless "have a nice day." The nice day is gone. You stole it, DELL TECHNICAL SUPPORT. You totally blew my nice day out of the water. You destroyed my nice day. Don't make the poor technician read from his cards, "Thank you and have a nice day." Because he sounded like he was gritting his teeth and wishing me to go to hell, which would have been fine with me because I would have said:
ABSOLUTELY! I AM IN HELL! HELL is 22 hours dealing with DELL TECHNICAL SUPPORT!
Okay, phone call ended. I'm buying another download, this time from Amazon, which, I've been told by various sources, is owned by Satan (you tell me if Bezos doesn't sound like a demon's name). So everything should go smoothly since it's a Turbo Tax software I'm buying. Taxes and death are absolute, aren't they?