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Sunday, April 18, 2010

Airplane Debundling Suggestions

I have been checking out airline tickets to Ohio (Romantic Times Convention). Do you know Spirit Airlines is charging $45 for a CARRY-ON? WTF? Not to mention that airlines are already charging for a piece of luggage not taken onboard. That's about $70 on top of one's ticket, isn't it?

I read that this is called "debundling," as opposed to the stupid cable/cellphone practice of "bundling." Every item will cost the passenger more. Want a pillow? $5 Want a blanket? $10 Food is already gone, of course, unless you order from a menu that cost $10-$20.

You would think that it'd be easier to just give their customers what they want, with a higher ticket price. Because it's going to cost the same anyway. Let's say, instead of pretending that the ticket is $250 roundtrip, just tell me it's $350 and don't hassle me with charges on luggage, pillow, whatnot, okay?

If, in fact, debundling is the only way to make a profit (I so seriously doubt this logic), I have a suggestion to the airlines. They should just go ALL THE WAY with this new policy. Tell their customers that:

1) bringing their own oxygen mask will cost $5 less

2) all passengers bringing a gallon of airplane fuel will get $20 off the ticket

3) charge extra if air attendants are on board. WE DON'T NEED THEM ANY MORE; just put a vending machine in the front and back of the plane for those who need to buy food/beverage, pillows, etc.

4) bring your own seat! Taking out the seats would let everyone of different sizes to have their own space. This would make the plane lighter and less fuel consumption! Hooks on the floor for different ways of clicking on your seat belt. $10 less!

5) in fact, someone who knows how to fly a plane should get plane ticket! That way, pilots can be laid off for certain trips and money taken out of their salary! Save, save, SAVE!

6) for longer plane trips, bring your own plastic cup and paper plate! $5 off.

See? If you see me huddling on the plane floor with my own paper plate and cup, a seat belt tied haphazardly, with only my laptop to keep me company and my security blanket to keep me warm, an empty gallon fuel container by my side, and the flight attendants ignoring me as they walk by to help the Silly Overpaying First Class Peeps, you know I'm flying really, really cheaply.

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3 comments:

Mo said...

They do this because the income they generate from the fee for carry-on luggage is not taxed. The price of the ticket is.

Gennita said...

Well, they're including these "amenities" for their first class customers, so I don't. care. :-P Put it into the ticket price and be done with it.

OR, like I suggested, break down everything into price segments and be ridiculous about one's pick and choose. Heck, for those who print out their own tickets, take off $2! For those who comes luggageless, take off $50! For those who will walk through the gate naked so as not to waste time with jackets and shoes, take off $99! Bleagh.

alund said...

For a moment there, when you said to bring your own plastic cup, I thought you meant that we would have to pee in it! LOL We are probably heading that route too.

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