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Sometimes, while driving the two plus hours to the jobsite, I sit back with my eyes close and let the men talk. They talk. A lot. Here are some things I've learned and no, I won't be doing them, ever, I hope....
1) How to put titty tape on your dancer-girlfriend's nipples that would allow the nipple to peek out without being illegal (in Florida, dancers have to wear pasties on their nippies). Let's just say it involves very careful cutting of skin tape with the cap of a Brut, lots of body glue and saliva, and a certain way to FLUFF THE NIPPLES.
2) Men think their penises can still grow. They are still measuring them to check. And they actually bring this up in conversation.
3) Men can munch on breakfast and talk about body functions at the same time. In FM, Stereo, BlueRay, HD, Crystal, Supersonic detail.
4) The best time to read books is when one is in prison (huh, that accounts for the letters from prisoners....).
5) How to paint your super-big tires black so they appear bigger and why this is the more important than fixing other car stuff.
6) If one's son asks to play soft rock on the radio, one is to reply: "Son, when a rock hit your head, is it ever soft?" Then gaffaw for ten minutes with masculine agreement.
There's more but really, the info is too disgusting to impart to your sweet innocent ears.
Friday, March 27, 2009
What A Girl Can Learn With Her Eyes Closed
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8 comments:
I don't know whether to laugh or offer you ear plugs. Damn...
Ah....that is very...interesting?They actually say these things ot loud?Men are so strange.
I love listening to men-chat. You do learn the most interesting things. Things women never, ever contemplate.
For example, do me even use the word contemplate?
Jen, if nothing else, you are getting good info to incorporate in your stories.
Lady Zannah,
Yes, and more. Horrible...most horrible.
Deborah,
Oh, roofers belong to a calibre all their own. I get to hear more about things that aren't so romantic, like jail bitches and conjugal visits. And other stuff I'd rather not blogged about, LOL.
LOL "Fluff nipples"?! On another list, talk turned to fluffing dicks because of some photographer who planned/wanted to do "before" and "after" shots, but this is the first time I've heard of fluffing nipples.
You know, I can imagine your Three Stooges talking about that. Cumber especially. =)
Cumber fluffing nipples? almost sounds like fun
I think I'll try # 6 on the list. Just kidding... ;-)
My kids would break the rock... LOL!
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