A LOW PROFILE

I stayed home the last two days because I didn't want to frighten the little children. Today, my eye is almost back to normal size, so I lost the Jenn The Murderous Clown look. Alas. I was just starting to enjoy making faces in the mirror at my self. You know, those nightlights that change colors do add dramatic effects to a mad woman with one huge eyelid. Can you tell that not being able to read is driving me batty? ;-)

I did have a sorta of funny conversation with a friend, though. You know how they make you sign off a thousand and one things that might happen to you during and post-surgery for which they don't want any liability? I was rattling some of the stuff to my friend. For example, I might have a scar. Another warning was that one of my eye might not look the same.

So my friend asked me what I'd do if, when my eye heals, I still look demonic (now that I think about it, she sounded rather gleeful about this possibility...). I told her that I might have to live with that. She told me that I couldn't because looking demonic would chase away fans and new readers passing by when I go for a signing. In order to avoid this, I'll have to think about plastic surgery.

"No way," I told her. "If I'm going under the knife, it'd better be for something more dramatic than taking care of a scar on my eyelid. I'd have to do a major facial makeover."

"Like how major?"

"Like major major. They'd better cut me up and make me look like Anjelina Jolie." I paused. "Huh. But then I'd have to sleep with Brad Pitt. The horror."

My friend rolled her eyes. "What's wrong with Brad Pitt?"

I rolled my ONE eye back at her. "Don't you read the rags? He doesn't bathe and he stinks."

"Well, I see no difference between that and the roofers you work with. They smell and stink too," she pointed out.

"Umm, hello? I don't sleep with them."

Sheesh. How did this conversation get to this point anyhow? Can't I have any sympathy from my friends? I'm walking around with a humongous sewn eyelid, for gad's sakes.

On the other hand, it would be nice to look like non-anorexic Angelina Jolie. Without the tattoos. ;-) All dark and seductive. Tall and glamorous. Awesomely buxomy. Pouty and mysterious. Everything Gennita the one-eyed clown is not. ESPECIALLY if she eats another tub of Edy ice-cream (three and counting).

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