Because A Conversation About Elephants Is Better Than Nothing

I looked at the calendar this morning. Is it freaking MAY already? I...sigh. I must manage this time-space continuum better. Wasn't it, like, just a split second ago when I was moaning about some January thing? You see? Never trust that Father Time.

I haven't had time to read much lately. I'd intended to start on Meredith Duran's Duke of Shadows, but it's just sitting on the table sticking its tongue out at me. I feel that I should give it proper attention and not use it like brain candy like I do with my Presents. It's frustrating sometimes, especially when the book has people talking about it, and by the time I get round to reading it, everyone already has said their piece and is onto something else. Which leads me to ask myself--am I reading the book because I want to,or because I just want to talk with the people talking about books? LOL. I spend a lot of time wandering off topic.... You see how the time-space continuum needs absolute management?

It doesn't help when your business partner excels at the same off-topic meanderings either. There we were, yesterday, lounged in the shadows on the dusty roof, taking a break, and idly staring at the neighbors' backyards in that zen-exhausted state that prevails after a few hours of hard roofing. Our minds tended to register odd things in that state--me, I was just counting how many swimming pools I saw. It seemed that 8 out 10 houses had a pool. RB was...apparently...looking at more manly things like:

"Is that an axe on that tree stump?"

"Yeah."

"I wonder whether that firewood is from that tree that used to stump there."

"Trees don't stump. And nah, I don't think he can cut off a tall pine tree without it falling on some neighbor's fence."

"But what if he had an elephant?"

This is when I turned to give him one of those long squints. "Elephants?"

"Well, the news are saying that in South Africa, the elephants are getting so many, they're wandering into the neighborhoods. They're having hunting season for the first time because of it."

Pause. More idle gazing. I looked up at the leaves. "I don't think I can kill an elephant."

"Well, not with an axe, no."

"No, I mean, not with anything. It's an...elephant! I can't even kill a chicken."

"You can kill anything if you have to."

"Well, I don't ever have to kill any elephants, all right?"

"Yeah, sure, you say it now, but what if you look up one day and there's an elephant sitting in the pool in your backyard? Before you know it, there's a herd of them. You'll have to get an axe and kill an elephant then."

"You're being ridiculous. How is an elephant going to get into my backyard? It's all fenced-in, silly." (You can be facetious when a conversation wanders off into never-neverland)

"Try explaining that to the Homeowners Association when they give you a ticket for having an elephant in the backyard."

(The Homeowners Associations in Florida, folks, are the worst things on earth, full of Nazis who will hunt you down for even feeding birds, depending on which neighborhood you live in. Ranger Buddy just moved into one of these Nazi-type neighborhoods. They had been giving him tickets for having "debris in the truck." They had given tickets to people for not closing their garage doors at night. They can own your home and land if you don't comply, that's why they are called Nazis. Anyway, that's the background of the HA comment.)

"Which would be scarier--a Homeowner Association Nazi accosting you or an elephant in your backyard?" I wondered.

"Well. I wouldn't say either would scare me, but definitely, an elephant sitting in my pool would be annoying. Not that I own a pool, so that eliminates that problem."

"Oh well, then, neither do I, so we both can forget about killing elephants."

I looked at the many Florida pools around me pityingly. They thought they had it so nice, a body of water in their backyard at their convenience. Just wait till they get their elephant infestation.

Then it was back to backbreaking work. You know...an elephant would come in handy with the roof debris.

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