The Vampire's Other Ball

The day went downhill after staring at the video of Warhol (at the Warhol Museum) videoing another artist painting with a brush sticking out of naked butt. It was...memorable, and much too deep a subject for me. And the picture of the artist on the wall, smiling benevolently behind his brushes sticking up in the air. One cannot help but wonder whether that's really sanitary....

And then, there was last night. Oh. The. Horrorh.

My ears are still bleeding.

The effects of last night's Vampire Ball show is still haunting me. The PA system was so loud, I think my eardrums burst in the middle of trying to eat dessert. When I looked up at the screen and saw a transvestite on stage humping the Frankenstein, I picked up a huge raw spear of broccoli and tried to commit suicide by stabbing my forehead with a sexy vegetable. Sitting not too far from me, a male writer was sawing his wrist with a butter knife.

I was then carried out of there by my table (yes, my table was running away) into the foyer where half the crowd had already escaped, nursing their eardrums with alcohol. I joined in.

Never did get back in there to watch the "vampire band" whose lead singer's name was SUNNY. I did hear him shouting into the PA of death, "ARE WE HAVING FUN YET, PITTSBURGH???!"

To which the crowd yelled back, "NOOOOooooo!" Now that was classic funny. An honest rock-n-roll crowd.

"Oh, comeon, you're supposed to say "YES!"" the lead singer admonished. "Now, are you having FUN YET, PITTSBURGH????!"

"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo!"

I think that about summed up the how hysterical the whole thing was. I gulped down another brew of forgetfulness, and the rest of the night was a blur. I do remember someone singing "Hotel California." There were walking monsters all around me, some still in pain. Very apt.

Oh, the horror. The HORROR.

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Even scarier was Hotel Hiltonia. The news of the day was that one of the elevators fell almost three stories. Argghhhh.

Some woman stepped on a puddle of paint in her new shoes. Argghhhh.

Someone told me Obama was at this hotel a few days ago (trying to find rest before the debate), Ummm. Dude. Wrong hotel. I heard he left soon after. I don't blame him.

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Today is the Book Fair. I'm sure it's going to be a noisy, wonderful affair of booklovers squeeing and talking at the top of their voices. It's always fun but exhausting. Come, if you're nearby!

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