VIRTUALLY HERS came out Oct. 2009. Get it at SAMHAIN Publishing. VIRTUALLY ONE coming soon.

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

An Uber Gift For You

I can't believe next week is Christmas already. I'm so busy, there is no way I'll be able to shop for everyone by then! This is when I use my Heathen Card. I tell people that "I'm a heathen and heathens don't celebrate Christmas." Heh. It works! They're shocked, but hey, I save a lot of time and money that way. LOL.

True story:

I went to the roofing supplies company Christmas get-together. Someone from high on up attended too and was making the rounds shaking hands.

When he met with Ranger Buddy, he said, "Hello, I'm the CEO of ABC Roofing Supplies."

Not even waiting a beat, RB shook his hand and said, "I'm the E-I-E-I-O of my roofing company."

Which makes me...some kind of farm animal, I think.


Oh, the CEO? He didn't know what to say. We roofers just don't know how to behave!


WANT TO WIN A $25 BARNES AND NOBLE GIFT CARD for Christmas? From now till this Sunday, post a cute or silly or funny Christmas story from your personal experience. The best story wins the card, which you can use at a brick-and-mortar store or online. $25, ladies (and gents)! Surely it's worth a short little Christmas tale?

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!


Deborah said...

That was the best intro line I have ever heard. I have worked for/been affiliated with 2 Ivy league universities and the letters, titles, pretensions can be a site to behold. Oh, if only one day I was cheeky enough to say something like that.

Hats off to RB and a baaaaaahhhhhh to you to.


Monique said...

LOL - that is an awesome response! As for a cute/funny Christmas story: When we were very young (that would be my brother, sister, and me), we loved anything that resembled a fort or house or... well, anyway one Christmas we got all our presents under the tree and were all excited. But, my parents somehow always managed to have something up their sleeve and my sister got a giant cardboard ark that year. Yes, a cardboard ark and because of her nickname it was called Nonon's Ark. (That's pronounced nawnaw). Anyway, lame as it may be, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Monique said...

OK - so I can't find it, but somewhere you mentioned that your friend didn't like Lord of the Fading Lands but she had bought both books. I'd be more than happy to buy them from her if she still has them.

LadyZannah said...

This happened while i was living at home in NYC. My sister decided to cook our Christmas dinner that year. She put the turkey in the oven and we went about our business. About 3 hours later we smelled smoke and thought the turkey was burning. We went to the kitchen to find a LOT of smoke so we think "fire" and call 911. We wait outside (december in NYC, not very pleasant) for the fire dept to arrive and later to do their thing. One of them comes out of the building with a silly grin and says we can go inside now. We go to our kitchen to find the turkey on top of the stove and NY's bravest standing around in our small kitchen laughing. Turns out there was a leak in the pan and the fat and juices from the turkey were creating smoke. The turkey was cooked, tho a bit dry and smoky. We decided since we called them out on Christtmas day might as well feed them, so we stood around the kitchen eating turkey with our hands with some of New York's bravest.
Oh and my sister was not allowed to cook holiday meals again.

JC said...

I have a funny christmas story... well, we laugh about it now. I'm not the most talented person in the kitchen- I can manage to make some dishes but every once and a while I fail miserably, and my family never lets me forget it.

A few Christmases ago we had paper christmas plates- the ones that have foil in them and sparkle. Well, I knew that you can put paper plates in the microwave, so I put one of these plates in with my food to heat it up... not knowing that because there was foil in the plate, it wouldn't go well.

I set the plate on fire, and managed to fill the house with smoke.


Leilani said...

After returning home from a family dinner one Christmas Eve with my two daughters, I was trying to get them ready for bed. I kept telling them that Santa wouldn't come if they were awake, but after an evening of too much sugar and too much excitement, they were bouncing around like pinballs. I heard something outside and when I looked out the window, I saw Santa across the street, walking down the block ringing a bell as he went. I called my daughters and we watched him go into a neighbor's house. I told my girls that since Santa was already across the street, it wouldn't be long before he got to our house. And if they weren't in bed and asleep before he got here, he wouldn't be filling their stockings. I never saw Elizabeth and Jillian move so fast in my life!! They were in bed and alseep in minutes.

(Santa was an old teacher who liked to dress up in costumes in school on holidays. Lucky for me he decided to dress as Santa and visit his brother's family who lived across the street from me.)


Anonymous said...

My family always opened presents from Santa on Christmas Eve because we spent Christmas at my grandparents house.

I was the youngest and the only one who still believed in Santa, the Christmas I was 5. My dad and brother left to get the presents from my grandparents' house (2 minutes away). My mom put me in the bathtub (so I wouldn't notice their absence) with the excuse that Santa wouldn't come if there was a chance I could see him.

Unfortunately, my dad ran into problems getting the presents out of my grandparent's attic. My mother kept me in that (freakin') bathtub for almost an hour -- I'm begging to be let out and pointing out how wrinkled I'm getting but no way would she let me out of the tub.

Finally, I looked at her and said "There is no Santa is there?" She told me the then I wiped out the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy too. She let me get my wrinkled, water-logged body out of the tub just as a "Ho Ho Ho" sounded from downstairs. I yelled out "Hi Dad!" And what do my wondering ears hear next "Oh Shit!"

To this day, that Christmas is known as the year of "Oh Shit!"

And to this day I will not take a bath -- only a shower because of this Christmas try to sit in a bathtub of cold water for an hour and see if you wouldn't be the same way.

Anonymous said...

One of my friend's favorite Christmas stories:

Steve and his family were stationed in Guam when he was a child. One Christmas they were able to fly home to New York...

So everyone is gathered around the table and Steve is not eating, but just staring at his Uncle Brian. Finally his mother tells him that if he's not going to eat he can just leave the table.

Steve yells out "I've been waiting and waiting for Uncle Brian to start drinking like a fish. I heard you and dad talking about it on the plane and I'm not leaving until I see him do it!"

Needless to say a huge fight started at the Christmas table between Uncle Brian and Steve's parents...and poor Steve kept on yelling about wanting to see "Uncle Brian drink like a fish so I can show my friends how to do it when we get home."

Cracks me up every time I've heard him tell the story.

Anonymous said...

Our family picks names every year well i pretty much hate it when my brother picks my name. One year i got a garbagge can(he claims i didn't have one he just didn't look hard enough for it) then one year he made me a wooden book shelf well it fell apart he took it back to fix it and then never gave it back so that year i actually didn't get anything. Lets see one year he thought he had picked someone elses name but it was mine so again i didn't get anything for x-mass. So every year i sit and wait hoping that he didn't pick my name. Carrie

Mary C. said...

Sounds like RB is feeling better!

Since I'm Chinese, people ask me if I celebrate Christmas - depending on the way the question is phrased, I have been known to respond that I actually celebrate Hannukah!

We have a pre-Christmas dinner with
the family of our parents' Godson Lawence. One year after the meal was finished, Lawrence was becoming bored with all the chit chat. My younger brother Tom decided to take him down to the basement where they could shoot targets with Tom's BB gun. They reappeared about an hour later with extremely nervous expressions on their faces. It turns out that Lawrence had missed the target and shot one of the pipes instead! Fortunately, it was an easy repair, but his parents were certainly horrified. After that incident the target was moved and Lawrence was banned(by his parents) from entering the basement again.

Gennita said...

These are great stories! It's going to be hard to choose the winner!


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