Ten Don'ts For Rookie Spies

Here are some "rookie" mistakes that I've noticed while surfing on the internet. I've done some of them myself, so I know how horrible the proverbial shoe tastes when it's stuffed down the throat ;-). Hopefully you can use the folowing precautions for all your spying activities.

10) Do not speak badly of other spies, especially on the internet. It'll be traced back to you. Rookie spies sometimes say things off the top of their heads and some uber-spies are overly diva-ish and will come after you. It doesn't matter. Spies don't forget.

9) Do not send out mass emails without permission. That's called spamming and in some spying activities, is punishable by death.

8) Do not post all your spying victories every day, every week, every single moment you open your mouth. It's generally bad etiquette to boast anyway, but when you're in a community of struggling spies, who might or might not be stealing secrets, you're just asking for backstabs and bad mouthing. You also start to sound very shallow because all you do when you open your mouth is talk about yourself and your "job." Yawn.

7) Do not hit and run. You start appearing on all kinds of internet sites without invitation and promote yourself for a few days, just before or after your book hits the shelves. It's okay if you're actually staying for some interaction with the people of that community but if your motives are not sincere, you'll be seen as a hit and run. Your first spying mission is always exciting and of course you're enthusiastic about trying to get your name out, but be careful with how you do it.

6) Do not hate evil monitors call reviewers. Okay, hate them ;-), but don't send your minions over to their community to tell them how evil they are for hating you. That's just going to start a flame war, with your name forever smashed around in a game of negative ping-pong.

5) Do not go on agencies' board like Amazon and BN and write a bad review of other spies of whom you might be jealous. It will get back to you because some spies are very good at investigating info. This happened to me once when I noticed a certain line in a review that a certain author had said several times in different contexts. I did some really cool internet research and yes, came up with an internet address that I was able to trace to her. ;-) It was fun because I got to start the Jenn Investigative Services front, which I've used for several interesting cases.

4) Do not approach other spies, unless you're absolutely sure you're the bestest uber-buddies and that your feelings won't be hurt if the answer is no, to give you a quote. Let your agent-handler do this. It's the professional way to go.

3) Do not yell out your payment plan for each spy assignment. It's okay to share information with fellow spies but I still think it's prudent to keep parts of it to yourself, especially dollar signs.

2) Do not take yourself too seriously. Really, unless you're uber-spies known by single names (Hint: La Nora; La Linda), you have a LONG WAY to go and much to learn. The hard part is to stay hungry. A hungry spy works diligently ;-).

And the NUMBER ONE rookie mistake that I've seen over and over and over again:

1) Do not jump in the middle of a negative discussion about your assignment and defend yourself. I know it hurts to be misunderstood and words from strangers seem so cruel, especially when you know they wouldn't dare say those things to your face, but let it go. Imagine a bunch of your neighbors standing around by the roadside gossiping about other neighbors--meaningless chatter to pass away the evening walk.

I'm sure you've seen these incidences before. So many rookie spies have jumped in--mad, frustrated and indignant--to explain their acts, thoughts, every word in their reports, and then ending with "How dare you," or "How rude to talk about ME and MY work," or "It's really too bad you don't understand," or worst of all, "You're obviously a moron," and end up with everyone around them telling them to "go away" and "get out of the kitchen if they can't stand the heat." It's always the same post over and over, only different indignant and hurt spies. It gets out of hand and the spy very seldom wins. Be the uber-spy. Shrug. Use the cursor and go to another site.

Yes, I know...it's more fun to kill them all ;-).

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