Uber Zombie

I'm peeking out from behind the zombie state of being. Sometimes I get like that. I spend the weekend in an endless mood that's neither dull nor exciting. I just walk around and grunt, and generally pass the time away between watching tv and doing housework. When you live alone, you have the luxury of ignoring civilization while turning on every bit of technology you can get your hands on--the laptop, the dishwasher, the washer and dryer, the vacuum cleaner, the big tv in the living room....

Earlier, I looked up from the book I was reading and noted all these things that were churning and humming, murmuring and blowing, growling and shaking around, and thought, "Oh My God, my life's in a state of cleaning (even the laptop was on Scanning Mode)!"

Of course, I sat in the middle of it all with my hair all mussed-up, no shower yet, in a general bloated womanly mood, feeling neither roofer-, spy-, or writer-like, as I flipped the magazine checking out the marvelous Emmy gowns displayed on glamorous bodies. I should really take a shower, I thought, as I checked out the latest details about whatsherface breakup with whatshisface. But not after some chocolate icecream, I decided. For lunch.

Then the magazine opened up to the section where they made fun of stars caught without make-up and looking very much like me, and I had to laugh, because hey, look at that--fellow zombies. They were braver than me; they walked outside their house! I glanced at my playful old pups at my feet, all of whom yawned back at me. "Yeah, I know," I told them, "They're really insulting when they said she looked like a dog. You're much cuter."

Photos are deceptive, as we all know. Last week, I received a request from a fellow author, asking permission to use some of my photos from my website. Her friend, a fellow author, was going through a hell of a divorce and the ex-husband was now using photos of this author that she'd taken with male models as proof that she is "unfit, immoral, and unfaithful." She wanted my permission to use photos from my website (as well from other authors) of me with models to help her friend counter these claims, that she did nothing wrong.

Whoa.

I know that a scumbag lawyer was behind this. He'd put the seed in the husband's head, telling him that they could win (whatever it was they are trying to win) if the husband could only come up with photos that showed his ex-wife in the arms of other men. It didn't matter that it could be at a concert, or a dinner party, or a convention...anything. Convention, convention, convention, and the prick-ex-husband remembered those photos.

It's horrifying that a woman today has to dress up and stand in front of strangers and say, "I'm not immoral. Or unfaithful." That she has to go and show pictures of women posing happily with these men as a way to prove that she isn't.

The diabolical spy in me knows what the prick-ex-husband could claim through the lawyer--that he didn't know that this kind of stuff went on at conventions, that he'd thought she had gone to sign books, while he ironed and cooked and slaved at his job, that he didn't know she was partying with other men. And of course, all the lawyer had to do was google to multiple author sites and find photos of romance models on stage in various state of shirtless undress. It's fraud, the husband could say.

Is it wrong to sit beside a good looking man, be it a male model or an actor, and take a picture? According to this lawyer, it is. According to this husband, it's grounds for divorce (with him winning). The woman is already guilty for associating with a man. It reminds me of The Scarlet Letter.

I understand how an innocent act can be miscontrued and become big trouble. It'd happened to me before, although not in such horrendous proportion. Those photos are of me with various men, having a good time. But since I'm not married, other...umm...names have been called. Does it bother me? I have the luxury to shrug and continue, but it does make me pause and think.

I glance down at the tabloid in my lap with the latest breakup news of that Jennifer, and that Brad, and that Renee, and that Chesney fellow. And yes, the word "fraud" was used in the divorce. And to think some of my author friends think it's stupid to read tabloids because they don't reflect reality.

Sometimes it's good to be a zombie and not have to deal with prick-ex-husbands.

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