Uber Author Has Weapons Too

As a romance writer, there is no escaping the usual questions from people:

"So, how do you research the sex scenes?"
"So, do you enjoy writing the sex parts?"
"So (it always starts with So... for some reason), when are you going to write about my love life? (this is very, very usual in the construction business, LOL, because all of them seem to think they are gods-in-bed)"

Or they go into some pretty good purple prose about the sex act. I say pretty good because I know they haven't read a romance book and were making it up as they got into the whole description process. It can get quite un-romantic by the time they're done with it, but it's still fascinating to listen to their imagination.

Some writers get awfully offended when people start doing that to them--the purple prosing and the emphasis on the sex scene. But it's funny to me. At the mention of romance author, people become a parody of "romance" authors immediately. Nobody does it to a fantasy or a mystery or a murder-book author. Nobody goes: "So, do you write, like, how the murderer plunges his knife repeatedly into the woman after he'd raped her and then dragged her into the basement and bury her under a ton of cement?" But mention romance author, and they all aspire to write the love scenes immediately!

It's easy to get into defensive mode and immediately say something like, "Romance books aren't just about sex scenes," and "it's about the growth of relationship between two human beings attracted to each other, blah blah blah blah." Watch their eyes glaze over ;-). And you didn't change their opinion one bit at all.

Men are interested in sex, no matter how they make fun of it. So being a romance writer isn't so bad, even when they "make fun" of it in front of you. I think it's their way of getting attention. They see the sexual act so differently and they don't understand how women could possibly understand that at all, since they don't have a penis. LOL. I mean, for goodness' sakes, women READ about sex when they should be LOOKING at sexy pictures. How could that be sexy? So they go into awful purple prosing mode.

So, the way I deal with it, when one of the construction men starts to spout purple prose, I become their champion: "Man, that sounds pretty good, Dick, you should write my love scenes for me!"

His chest puffs up. "Really? I always wanted to write, you know. Just no time. I'm pretty good, huh?"

"Oh, yes, that was memorable. Are you sure you don't want to be a romance author? Get all those juicy words you just said on paper for all your friends and family to enjoy too."

That suggestion usually produces just a little frown, with hoots from the other guys in the background, because he isn't sure whether you are making fun of him now. Besides, now I've put him on my level, that others would be reading what he's "written" and making comments like his.

"Well, you know," he says, a quick and nonchalant smile on his face, "I'm a busy guy. But anytime you need help with those scenes, you just come and find me, okay?"

"You bet," I said, with my own big smile. "Here, have a free book on me. Maybe you can read it and give me some suggestions. Or maybe you can give it as a present to your wife/girlfriend."

I will say this over and over. ALL HUMANS LOVE A SHINY NEW BOOK, whether they like reading or not. Their eyes brighten with pleasure and they thumb through it, whether they could read or not. All my victims--erm, I mean, converts--react the same way.

"Oh, wow, thanks! My wife/girlfriend/mom likes this kind of books. Maybe I'll get to read it too when I'm not so busy. Can you sign it? Umm...to Dick and Mary? That would blow her mind."

Heehee. I love NOPAIN, don't you?

Have you ever encounter negative comments about your romance reading and did a conversion? And have you thought about trying NOPAIN? ;-) Sometimes, there's more T in me than I realize. LOL.

And who sez women don't like LOOKING at sexy pics?

We just prefer ours with CONTEXT and CONTENT!

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