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What I want for 2007
Readers! Lots and lots of readers who want Virtually His
HIM:
More fun:
Good Sexy Veges:
Definitely more naughty too:
This is so Leiha can see my new bling!
More presents like this:
From my side to yours: Here's wishing you a Happy New Year! MWAH!
I was laughing my ass off reading over a term--DICKLIT! It's the male version of chicklit. Dicklit is the ultimate male adventure with hot babes all over him, with sidekick (of course).
Men always say they avoid chicklit because it's all about shopping (especially shoes) and whining about the way men are. They know this from being forced to watch Sex In The City with their women ;-).
So DICKLIT has to have some obvious male misconception about themselves:
1) That, no matter, how balding and paunchy they're getting, they are still a SEX GOD.
2) That women, especially ones who look like Charlize Theron, want them. Love them. Adore them. Need to have them :gag:.
In a DICKLIT, usually a middle-age going bald dude (probably a professor, probably with some kind of writer's block, probably wife just left him/died) gets stuck in a hotel bar (probably at the airport, or in a foreign country, or just a snowstorm). He's joined by Charlize Theron, or her look alike, and she's all broken-hearted about stupid young men who only care about her looks, and she falls for middle-age balding dude.
3) Make Charlize a hooker/striptease with a doctorate of some sort. Yeah. She's really smart and therefore can see balding guy's inner qualities and helps him get through his writing block through
a) SEX
b) flirting, then SEX
c) mind-boggling stuck-in-hotel SEX
4) No wait, backtrack a bit. Charlize actually wants to get the middle-age guy's laptop because it has some kind of super secret manuscript in it and she's been paid to seduce him with
a) even more HOT! SEX
and she is about to get the laptop when balding guy's SIDEKICK shows up with all these weaponry and saves the day. Charlize sobs out her sob story about her sister being held hostage and that she MUST have this laptop, or else. Awww. So sweet. Got to save sister. Balding guy makes plans; his sidekick prepares weapons; Charlize looks pretty and falls in love with balding dude because he's actually going to save her sister!
5) Saving sister chapters/scenes involve BIG ACTION stuff, like cars no one can afford speeding all over the place; flying helicopters crashing in highways; a harrowing balancing act of jumping from one dangling elevator dangling in mid-air into another (lead by middle-age...no strike that, now called HERO) with laptop, Charlize and sobbing sister in tow). Meanwhile, SIDEKICK blows holes into buildings and speedboats that appear out of nowhere; sister trips and falls; SIDEKICK saves sister for himself.
6) Balding guy struts instead of walk. Smiles dashingly up at tall Charlize who smiles back and then they proceed to have Hot! Sex over the laptop while the sound of sirens are heard in the background (the clean-up crew, of course).
The End.
Oh, Dicklit can end tragically (Charlize dies) but balding guy turns and finds Charlize's grateful twin sister running over and doing a lapdance on him. She's some kind of high-powered lawyer and will defend him in court for all the damage he's done to the city. For free, of course. In between Hot! Sex!
James Bond 007 movies, btw, is the Ultimate Dicklit.
It's the last few days of 2006, so newspapers and magazines tend to get all reflective and look back at the events of the almost-past year. I know some people collect these items for future reference and keepsakes. When I clean out a closet (very rarely, I assure you),now and then I stumble on "important" or "significant" articles in newspapers and magazines that I've kept. For example, a small stack of information about Princess Di's death and the mourning after, pictures and analyses, etc.
We didn't have the Net then, sweeties, so being an info-addict, of course, I kept such stuff all over the place. Today, I'd probably just google, cut and paste, save and bookmark. But back then, we still actually printed the photographs out and place them in photo albums! Heh.
This past year, writing has been very, very difficult for me, especially this second book. I have no idea why. The challenge of carrying a major story arc over three books as well as enlarging my usual scope of spying into technical spy-fi was daunting. So much details to drown in. The first book flowed out of me like a little flame that hit massive oxygen. This second book...:banging head on table:...well, imagine it starving from lack of oxygen. I'm beginning to think my hero is trying to kill me.
This past year was also difficult for me emotionally. Losing Magic was one of those "letting go" moments that I'd dreaded because I'd known her disease--CRF and the resultant diabetes--was an uphill battle. It's one of those things that all pet-owners understand. You give your heart to the fur-babee who loves you unconditionally, and you must prepare for your heart to ache when he/she leaves you. The thing I learn is--letting go isn't just a physical goodbye. And the preparation itself--the months of worrying for the end, in spite of all the good times in between--takes a toll on your psyche and one is left strangely empty and exhausted afterwards.
This past year I signed a new contract with another publisher. I was very excited and am looking forward to seeing the new things coming up from this. It is also good to know that publishers know my name and are interested in my proposals.
This past year I made friends with more readers and met with them personally than I had in past years. They are such wonderful people, flying to conventions to meet with authors, and in some cases, DRIVING (hi, Laur!) up to where I am just to share my birthday with me! There aren't a more sharing and giving group than romance readers.
This past year was a time of waiting and biding my time. I have to learn patience, of which I thought I had a deep storage, but whoa! This year tested my mettle when it came to going with the flow. I'm grateful for this blog and the friends I've made through it. I think I'd have gone a little insane without an outlet for my daily madness. Oh wait...MORE insane. ;-)
Okay, 'nuff of this. Tomorrow, maybe we'll reflect on the Big Parties I went to! I mean, I have to report on the erotica authors who taught me the correct way of downing a shot of "blowjob." Let's just say that watching was fun and you won't find me drinking that in public, LOL. There were definitely some GRAND parties this year.
So it's your turn to tell me one thing from 2006 you learned.
Well, sucky news. Virtually Hers (Book II) will be delayed till Feb. 2008. I knew I wouldn't get two books out in three months ;-/. Maybe the third one will come out the end of 2008.
Sigh. Have to get better well-known so people want more books from me. Have. To. Write. Faster.
Here is Amazon.com's Editors Picks for the BEST ROMANCES of 2006. #1 is Shane Abe's The Dream Thief. I just read The Smoke Thief earlier this month (paperback, you know) and I enjoyed it, even though it wasn't a fast read for me. I do agree about the JR Ward book, though--excellent.
There's a Top Ten Amazon Customers pick too but I think that's skewed since, it's not reflective of the customers' top ten FAVORITES. It shows what they bought most and of course, no surprise, Nora Roberts have five of the ten spots! Duh. The woman sells 41,000 books a day. Miss Mid-List sells two. So, who's the top pick at Amazon? Nooooo! Darn math must be wrong. ;-)
It's close to the end of the year and I still think my best read was Dead Man Rising by Lilith Saint Crow. There's still a few days' left, though. I might read another book!
Yawn. I wish I could say that I'm off the whole week, but it's back to the roof for me today. For some reason, if you're self-employed, it means you don't make $$$ if you don't work! Gah.
My Christmas was the rainiest ever. It rained so much, all my cars look clean for New Year. ;-) At least there wasn't 20 feet of snow to dig out of. Or being stuck in the airport for the holidays. That has got to suck.
I spent the early part of the day reading Jacquelyn Frank's Jacob, a new-to-me author. Good story, very similar to Christine Feehan's Carpathians, although the beings involved are Demons and Druids. It's similar in tone and theme, as well as the soulmate-binding thing (and I know some readers love that) and the feisty heroine who brings light into the hero's world, but done with a neat twist. I also liked that the heroine is stronger than the must-be-bonded Carpathian heroine; in fact, she can be seen as stronger than the Demons once she finishes her conversion!
Actually, I'm misleading you a bit with the conversion bit--she doesn't convert into a demon. Anyway, I recommend this book to those who like paranormals that aren't too urban fantasy or Anita Blake-ish violent.
One of my big presents to Denver is stuck somewhere between Ohio and Colorado. So there is a poor man thinking I've forgotten about him, and hopefully, sulking. And I'm not going to call to explain why he's getting Nothing...NOTHING from me this year. I like sulky men. They make me laugh.
I did get a beautiful necklace, the kind with diamonds. That makes me feel guilty. I tell myself this is a good guilt because it looks good on me ;-).
Dinner at my friends and being forced to watch my annual movie...this year, it's Pirates of the Carribean Part Two. I did watch PotC Part One a while back but hadn't kept the plot in my head, so I was pretty confused about the characters and everything that went on. It was zany enough and who wouldn't like Johnny Depp strutting around in boots, but is it just me but is the whole plot about the Kraken that is disguised as a Giant Octopus and Captain Jack's soul? I couldn't figure it out, LOL.
For a few minutes I was scratching my head over the Voodoo Priestess, trying to figure out where in the world were they, and how far were they from the East Indian Company, which I thought was in India and South East Asia....but then duh, it's Pirates of the Carribean! Of course there would be voodoo priestesses and...and...Carribean Cannibals! Like I said, action-packed enough to sit through for my annual torture. Anything for a piece of my friend's truly delicious pumpkin pie. ;-P
I hope your Christmas was less wet and action-packed too! ;-) LAUR, YOU HAVE TO MAKE A REPORT ABOUT YOUR NEW TOY. RATING? WAS IT FIVE OUI-OUI-OUI?
You should see my new necklace. I'm so showing it off at work today....
This one's from Scrooge:
Ho, ho, ho!
But of course, I know better. Santa's here in Florida waterskiing!
Happy Eggnogging!
12 nekkid heroes
11 funky new words
10 fruit cakes
9 hot stuffings
8 happy thoughts
7 sweet commandos
6. ..six...paaaaaasssssed out ...... (and obviously, so were you)
5 twisted things
4 last minute sessions
3 likely stories
2 from the heart
and
1 global orgasm for two
Did you know that Dec. 22 was Global Orgasm Day? Check out this article promoting world peace through energy sent out orgasmically. I am not kidding. These people were serious.
Because we are romance readers, we should help promote all good causes. So, looking through my massive collection of silly shorts, I've come up (ooh, nice pun) with a feel-good (oooh, another nice pun) short with Come All Ye Faithful playing in the background. Sacrilegious. I'm so going to hell for this:
;-)
MERRY JOLLY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! May you have the bestest Christmas with your loved ones. Be safe and be warm, wherever you are.
Much luv,
Gennita
I think one doesn't need to spend a lot of $$$ for Christmas to have a fabulous one. One doesn't need all the lights and Christmas music. It's in the heart, right?
1) Simple and thoughtful gifts are the best. In college, out of money and not allowed to find work, I once cut little hearts out of colored paper and put them in a box. Then I put little slips of papers similar to coupons (Back massage worth 30 minutes redeemable only through March 1980) that ranged from massage to one cooked meal (trust me, it's not easy to get me to cook for you!). My then beloved was only allowed to rummage for ONE coupon ;-).
2) Once upon a time, my beloved took me to a field in the deep dark hills of Ohio. Millions of fireflies appeared out of nowhere and we sat there in the darkness just watching the twinkling lights. I felt incredibly wondrous.
WHAT AM I SAYING?!
The freaking guy broke up with me on the next Christmas! And he didn't even make out with me in that field! What kinda bf was he anyway?!
Bah.
You get him to buy you that LCD-HDTV with cherry on the top, you hear? And you make sure he spend hours stringing those lights out in the yard with the 300 Santas and baby Jesus. Don't forget to nag him. NAG HIM!
No simple. Ptui on thoughtful. You make sure he spends LOTSA TIME to give you an incredible Christmas day!!!!!!!
And that's an order, girlfriend! ;-)
By the way, these kids won me over. You gotta love kids who are so creative and brave:
So, what's the worst Christmas gift you've ever given or gotten? Besides being dumped. That is such a bad thing to have happened, especially over the phone.
And more suggestions please, for tomorrow's last post...AND A...And A...?????? You got one shot! Better make it good! If I choose you, you might actually get a present!
Excuse # 1: Umm, the presents are going to be late because there's a big storm in Colorado and mail is stuck in the airport. (Hey, I'm using that story for my sisters in DC and OH and I'm sticking to it! You never know where the planes have to stop first! Could be in Denver!!!)
Yikes!
Two foot of snow! I swear I didn't ask for that. Prayers and hugs to those with stuck at the airport in Denver, CO. I'd hate that. I talked to my Colorado mom and she told me the postman delivered my boxes yesterday in a parka and shorts. Nuts. They are nuts!
Excuse #2: "I ordered your gift online and it hasn't arrived yet! There's a huge snowstorm in Denver, you know, and it's probably causing lots of mail delay EVERYWHERE. "
Excuse #3: "Snowstorm in Denver, baby. I mean two feet of snow! Covering all the airport and roads. so, ummm, that's why I got you this stupid Chia Pet. But I promise, New Year's gonna be special!"
;-)
It's all good. two more days and life will be normal again, unless, of course, you gave her a D in the B, like yesterday's video, LOL.
So One WHAT? The last big post has to be something special. ANY SUGGESTIONS? And one... ????????
The guys are emailing, complaining that I've been focusing on the women and giving them EXCELLENT gift ideas but NONE, NONE, NONE for them! Guys are more desperate than girls, they wrote, and surely a romance author knows that they need help with shopping!
Ha.
Me...what do I know? I hate shopping.
But I can give you four things most guys would think would do as gifts for their special ladies:
1) scarf from 7-11. Oh yeah, lovely.
2) Chia-Pet from 7-11, with some cheap champagne. Yup. You're set.
3) a $8.99 gift set of soap, shampoo, and bath oil. What, you think I'm dirty?
4) a hand-held vacuum. That just says romance right there.
Last minute is all about innovation, dudes. Here is the desperate man's last minute desperate innovative gift:
"Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sorta gift doesn't mean a thing
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl, don'tcha know you're my shining star" :
Heehee.
Happy shopping. Last night I was comparing gift-buying (for myself) with Ranger Buddy. I was telling him I saw this Shiatsu back massager pad that I couldn't resist, so I bought it and I loved it.
He said, "Hmm. You see, that's the difference between you and me. You look for comfort in your gifts to yourself. I look for pain."
He showed me what he bought for himself--a vest with pockets around it so one can insert metal rods so as to give oneself an extra 20-lbs of weight. Makes it harder to exercise, etc.
That thing was so heavy, I couldn't even put it on myself! Men are so weird.
Guess everyone's a spy these days!
Oh, you guys are so funny, sending me emails trying to guess WHICH of the statues from yesterday's post is which COS commando...heh heh heh.
I'm also glad that my Hot Christmas Stocking Stuffer suggestions have prompted a couple of you to KNIT the WeenieWarmer for your loved one. That is entirely too sweet. I suppose you will have to make them Extra Large because anything smaller would hurt their Christmas feelings, right?
Rant of the Day: My computer updated to IE7. It's kewl, looks like Mozilla Fox, so I'm familiar with it, but now the background pictures aren't showing up. Gah. I can't figure out where the settings are to undo that. I've checked Internet options and all the boxes are checked under Micromedia, allowing pictures to show, etc. But where is the wallpaper on various websites? Gone, gone, gone. I'm frustrated. I don't want to deal with this. Any suggestions to my problem will earn you my undying cyber gratitude.
***************
So, right now, we're in the middle of our Christmas season and we're probably sooooo tired of everything bright red and white and clanging bells and hohohos and ribbons and names of friends and relatives and cards and stamps and people and lines...
So amusement MUST prevail!
Sanity must be restored!
Here are five suggestions:
1) Sing some TWISTED CHRISTMAS CAROLS with your loved one. Or at the dorm with your boyfriends. Or at an eggnog get-together. Just make sure the children are wearing earplugs ;-).
2) OR, if you indeed want the children to join in, SNOPES has a page that shows all the misheard lyrics to your favorite carols that you can now HELP to PROMOTE by teaching them to your children. Scroll down to the middle of page. There are plenty of excellent fodder:
How can you resist singing: "Chipmunks roasting on an oven fire..."??? Wonderful seasonal image!
3) Hate your neighbors if they do this:
Can you imagine the CARS milling around the front of the house? The cars ILLEGALLY parked on your driveway and lawn as people bring their kids to ogle? Can you imagine how hard it would be for YOU to drive out for a quick drink with all that traffic? And listening to that song over and over... Yeah. Hate them. I say you and your kids should go toilet paper their entire yard while they sleep. Go ahead...I triple-dog dare you.
4) OR, for a sweeter more savage revenge, you can play the CHIPMUNK CHRISTMAS CAROL ALBUM over and over again on your loudspeaker. One year in college, I suffered through from a neighbor. Over and over. I'm still recovering from Chipmunkitis.
5) You think you have it bad and there's no such thing as twisted Christmas planning? Here's an Air Force Christmas Party Planning Gone FUBAR:
December 1st
TO:ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
I'm happy to inform you that the Squadron Chrismas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our Commander shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 2nd
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish members. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to unit members who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 3rd
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member in the Alcohol Rehabilitation Program requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads,"AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the junior airmen in the squadron feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 7th
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
I've arranged for members who are enrolled in the Air Force Weight Management Program (AFWMP) to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 9th
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBER
SPeople, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our Commander to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 10th
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponics tomatoes.. But, you know,tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
December 14th
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Captain Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the Mental Health Clinic. In the meantime, I've decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off, instead.Happy Holidays!
Ron Donaldson, Lt Col, USAF
Commander
Happy Eggnog, y'all!
1) one whose pain and guilt will be healed
2) one whose stolen past will be retold
3) one who needn't be alone
4) one who likes them sexual games
5) one who's tired of being candy
6) one who doesn't even know why he's there
7) one who learns forgiveness
Bwahahahaha. I'm feeling like a powerful ROMANCE AUTHOR this morning.
************
I received a very confusing email just now, from some dude in a foreign country, in truly incomprehensible English, asking me to forward a Croatian email (attached) to a Muslim leader in Macedonia named Yakub. He didn't give me said Yakub's address, just saying that he saw this man on Macedonian TV and needed to respond.
The "response" as translated by this guy was...well...you decide with this excerpt:
Respected Miss Low
I’ve just read the book of Yours THE HUNTER, so I’ve decided, instead through the embassy of USA, to ask You to send the message I’d like to send to a Mister Jakub (taken out by me), as attacement. Supposing You don’t know the macedonian, I’ve translated the message consisting the attachement.Thank You in advance.
To Mister Jakub (taken out by me)
Islamic Religious Community of Republic of Macedonia
Object: declaration of thanks for partial answer on a question
Respected mister ***,
Thank You for the partial answer emitted by TV some days ago (for the regulars which what the female by Islamic religion can go to hajj to the kyaba in Mecca). I’ll not frustrate if the mine question consistence being sent to a marvellous entity (in ethic point of view, so rare characteristic now in the young people) as mobile phone message has been delivered to You on a legal way or the message has been illegally discovered by the autirities or some political party and after anyone recommendation/suggestion given to you for public declaration as message to me: “the technique is so advanced that you’ll not be safe in any place as so far ago has discovered and written your dear Thoreau in Walden”.
(Letter continues at length....)
********
You see my power? I can find this Mr. Yakub FASTER than the US Embassy, apparently. And of course, I'm a negotiator of some sort.
Other romance writers get love letters from prisoners. Me? I get spy information in Croatian. I think.
***munching Christmas peanut butter cookies***
***thinking of bad Macedonian jokes. Those Greeks at the diner have tons of bad Macedonian jokes...***
It's Sunday! You don't think my brain is working, do you? ;-)
I'm going to stay home today and write like a maniac. Why? I'll do anything to avoid wrapping presents.
Make it a good Christmas ;-).
1) Handcuffs and hot oil
2) Peter Warmer
You can purchase this at Danglie Bits
3) Weenie Gummy
4) fake nipple rings (Ebay has tons of those!)
5) a big Christmas bow with pearls danglies. You just have to use your imagination!
6) glow-in-the-dark body paint ;-)
7) 
365 days!!! Imagine!!!
8) adult sexy cookies (hey, got to have cookies!) Buy at Adult Cookies
9) and your very own Personal Toy...any choice...up to you. But be careful this doesn't happen to you come Christmas morning:
Lots of emails about yesterday's words. Aha! I'm getting the general feeling that y'all are feeling lost about what your teenagers and young adults are chatting about! ;-)
To which, they'd yell "WOOT!" (no woohoos, Dee.)
Quickie explanations:
1) emo-queen (whiner, too much angst. I find the youths today don't like PROLONGED discussion of emotions. It's funny. Heartbreak today. Gone by...oh, TWO episodes is enough, 'kay? Because if you're still complaining about it in four, you're an emo-queen. Youth, youth, youth...)
2) tru dat (come on, JR Ward loved this catch phrase in her vampire series. I hear it a lot on radio, especially the ones with Old School or Motown music)
3) blog flog (some people have lots of time and they analyze other people's blogs and flog it with lots of sarcasm. Can be funny. Can be nasty. Mostly snarky. It's also written by lots of embittered ex-fans of a favorite series of books or TV show)
4) You so make me (also "You complete me" as in "Wow, you're so smart because I agree with what you just said!")
5) chick click (those are the websites targeted for clicks. They attract us females to click on them)
6) Snap! (or, O Snap!, depending on sitch) (This is a take off on the Eighties "Two snaps and a butt shake" when something happens that amuses or enlightens or surprises you. Or if someone has a smart alecky or sarcastic comment that you admire, then you say "Snap!" or "O Snap!" It's sort of a "congratulations, what you said was too cool.")
7) T-Squared (as in totally trashy)
8) Alpha Geek (as in the Head Geek, Bill Gates. He's geeky but because he's got power and $$$, he's an Alpha Geek. There are lots of Alpha Geeks on TV, it seems)
9) Ohnosecond (the second you realized you said or did something you shouldn't have. "That was an ohnosecond, wasn't it?")
10) Swiped Out (this is going to happen this Christmas to Yuppies who maxed out their credit cards buying those hi-tech toys)
11) You still livin' in the Dork Ages! ("You're a dork no matter what! You can't keep up with the new words? What's wrong with you?!)
*****************
Hope THAT helps with improving your social and communication skills, bwahaha.
******************
Here are TEN JOBS I've never (or seldom) seen in a romance book held by the manly alpha hero:
1) fashion designer (the hero owns the firm!)
2) figure skater (the hero is the trainer!)
3) bus conductor (the hero designs the bus!)
4) rapper (the hero...hmm...the hero steals the rapper's girl!? LOL.)
5) flight attendant (the hero is the pilot!)
6) newspaper delivery guy (the hero makes the news!)
7) the phone techie for some stupid software (the hero writes the program!)
8) arm pit sniffer (I really found this in the paper. It's a real job!)
9) grave-digger (or mortician. But hey, check out the calendar!)
10) a butt-print painter (again, newspaper article led me to THIS GUY. You have to watch that video on hi site. Don't laugh. His prints go for $800 per butt. Ahem.) Here is the Newspaper article.
So there, your challenge: a list of new jobs to give to your heroes.
New urban words and phrases I learned this year from my travels around the Internet and from books:
1) emo-queen
2) tru dat
3) blog flog
4) You so make me
5) chick click
6) Snap! (or, O Snap!, depending on sitch)
7) T-Squared
8) Alpha Geek
9) Ohnosecond
10) Swiped Out
11) You still livin' in the Dork Ages!
Didja dig dat? Do ya have some add-ons?
I'm willing to update you from the Dork Ages if you don't dig ;-).
Picking Out 12 Romance Books I Read and Enjoyed in 2006 (no particular order):
1. Edge of Darkness by Cherry Adair
2. Dead Man Rising by Lilith Saintcrow
3. The Red Heart of Jade by Marjorie M. Liu
4. Lover Awakened by J.R. Ward
5. Drop Dead Gorgeous by Linda Howard
6. A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole
7. Cold As Ice by Anne Stuart
8. The Last Warrior by Kylie Brant
9. To Tame a Highland Warrior by Karen Marie Moning
10. Edge of Fear by Cherry Adair
11. Don't Look Down by Jennifer Crusie/Bob Mayer
12. Sleeping With The Agent by Gennita Low (heehee, I did read the book too!)
I think I did well this year, reading-wise. Lots of books in the TBR, but I could actually make conversation about the hot books in the market! For a while there, I was so behind, I had to read the Romantic Times Book Club mag every month just to catch up with the newest books out there, and their premises.
Most of my pickings are in the paranormal category. I really enjoy magic and powerful beings/fantasy if it's done in the action/bad-ass/kick-ass style. I love me some dark gothic vampire-beast-demon/powerful woman couplings. No Tolkien books for me, thank you velly much ;-). We aren't talking about the movie, okay, which thank God, cut down the 50 pages of the droning Hobbits-on-top-of-talking-trees scene to just appear between great action.
On a quick note: why is it that the woman is always the slayer-type and the thing she falls for is the Other Side? Would love to read a story featuring the male slayer after the female vampire/beast/demon. Our gothic tradition runs deep, I tell you.
I don't read many romantic suspense when I'm writing although I can't resist my Howard, Adair and Stuart. Love their heros. Heroines not so much, but that's just personal preference. Each of them are so different too, that I really enjoy comparing their men.
That's my list for today!
Mood today:
One more look-through and I'm done. Sending Edits back today. Tired. Exhausted. But good to reread the story, and I caught mistakes that would have made me cringe. Sigh. It's amazing, that no matter how many times one combs through a manuscript, one can still find mistakes, typos, and errors.
The dining table looks like a mess, with dirty plates and coffee cup and manuscript pages lying around. But it is done and I'm relieved.
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The coordinator from Colorado Romance Writers called and left a message saying that the membership asked me to be the CLOSING SPEAKER for their 2007 conference. First reaction: Oh. My. God. Second reaction: Wait, it's not April 1, right? Third reaction: Oh. My. God.
It's an honor but, Oh. My. God.
The closing speaker always have something inspiring to say, to motivate the membership to go home and write with zest and enthusiasm. I'm thinking of myself standing here in dirty roofing clothes as I type this, stuff all around me as I try to sneak in half an hour of blogging and writing checks to pay the utilities. Not a very motivating picture!
And of course, I'm probably going to give myself a heart attack standing in front of so many people and trying not to slur my Engrish. A thank you speech at the Romantic Times Convention was just a minute of adrenaline, but a closing speech is MANY MINUTES. Many, many minutes.
Sigh. You would think I've never given a class before the way I'm acting. But that was college, so last century ago. And even then, it was with a nice glass of orange juice with peach schnapps in the morning ;-). Shhhh. Don't ask, won't tell.
Think I can do it?
Wah. Have to roof today and still a hundred some pages of edits to go. Then I have to reread the re-edits to make sure I make sense. Then xerox them. Then fax/overnight. Wah.
What Christmas shopping? ;-/
Here's a list you might have fun laughing along:
2006 Worst Romance Covers
It's all in fun. Who sez readers don't look at covers?! I had a good laugh at the comments. Scroll down and click on the link underneath the John de Salvo cover. What do YOU think of them?
My niece, as you can tell, already knows about handbags, sunglasses and cell phones ;-). And she's only TWO and a bit. She loved my purse because it has all the things little girls love--lipstick, mirror, hair clips, and credit cards, heh heh. Here, in this picture, she was just getting ready to go for her walk and she insisted that she wanted to bring "her" bag of goodies along. Of course, when mom stepped in and took it from her, she threw a tantrum. That's what a good drama queen does ;-).
Ah, time to play dress up....
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Unfortunately, the original drama queen (me) has no time to preen around. Or shop for Christmas presents. I wonder whether I should just send gift cards to everyone this year. I hate giving or receiving gift cards. I lose them and always forget to use them, unless it's an online code, like Amazon.com, so I know my giving them means most of my friends would forget to use mine too.
Dilemma.
At least I have an excuse to look like a harried roofer who doesn't have time to get dressed properly. What are these celebrities' excuses? ;-)
Celebrities Undressed
I was cracking up at the comments of #4 and #10. Oh boy. I don't feel so bad about my triple layered clashing-colored t-shirt/sweatshirt/hoodie and my tarred up baggie pants now.
One of the great things about being a writer is that I don't have dress up for work. Roll out of bed and I'm good to go. However, one thing bad is that the kitchen and refrigerator are very close by. A bit of writer's block, turn around and there are cookies and chocolate staring back at me. My Muse has a very sweet tooth. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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It's that time of the year where I ask how many books you guys read this year. Not buy. ;-) READ. I bought a ton of books and received a bunch of free ones at conventions, but I haven't had time to read much.
At one point in my fledgling published career, when Into Danger and Facing Fear just came out, I couldn't find time to read more than four or five books in those two years as I tried to divide my time between full-time roofing, conventions, writing current book and rewriting book coming up, editing, book signings, copy-edits, galleys, and proposals for future books. It was pathetic. Since then, I vowed to try and read at least a book a month, or at least, ten a year. That sounds pathetic too, but hey, it's better than two a year!
So, make me jealous. How many did you read in 2006? By the way, I think, my best new find for this year is Lilith Saintcrow, although Kresley Cole comes a close second. I'll have to look at my list.
People compete in various ways. You know how you sometimes have fun arguing about Trivial Pursuit stuff, challenging your pals or your siblings? For the more active people, there's even arm-wrestling.
I've seen some odd contests in my time. Speed-shingling. Best striped tan. Worst speller. Most Mountain Dew Drinker-of-the-day. We roofers lead such exciting lives.
RB and I can add to that list. Yesterday, the results of his annual blood tests came in. I whipped out mine from earlier this year. We sat across each other at lunch and compared numbers (the lower, in most categories, the better, of course). He was so sure he was going to win, because the doctor had been amazed at his cholesterol (good and bad) numbers. I beat him fair and square at everything except blood count. Bwahahaha. Loser gets to buy lunch.
For the rest of the day, I made him yell out to everyone that I had amazing glucose and potassium. Like I said, we roofers lead such exciting lives.
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Are you being spammed by Santa and St. Nick, like I am? Is it a sin to block Santa and St. Nick from ever emailing you again? I feel guilty doing it....
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I'm half-done with edits. Not too bad, really. The copy editor caught a very good mistake with time change, one that was my mistake due to being stuck in the Eastern Time zone in my head. Funny thing is, none of my reader friends who live in different time zones noticed the mistake either. Yay for smart copy editors!
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Okay, so I've a few answers from you about what you want for Christmas. Hot Navy SEAL. A trip back here to Florida. A trip to the Bahamas.
Any more? How about something do-able, like a hot calendar (don't worry, not Men From Mortuaries)? Or, a hard cover copy of Into Danger? Or a Navy SEAL t-shirt? Or a gift card from Amazon/ BN.com? Or a writer's clock (it's cute)? Or lunch with Jenn in NYC if you live there (hahaha)?
For myself, I'm thinking of getting me another mutant pom. Must be creamy white, of course. I'm THINKING, I said. Lilah is almost three years old. I think she needs a boyfriend.
Superman, Bengay, Fly Boy's background, maybe one more training scene, is it supersoldier spy or super soldier spy or super soldierspy, she changed a lot of my Hells to Helens, Chapter One is too incredibly long the way she moved my breaks, mindspeak, in italics AND quotation marks???, mindspeak versus personal thought--how confusing, AND I AM ONLY ON CHAPTER FOUR!
Help. I need a break. I have two days left to get this all done, write a one page bio of Gennita Low, AND send out Chapter One and Two of Virtually Hers for MIRA to decide on excerpt. Help!!!
Ahhhh.
Can't someone tell Blogger we are afraid to switch? Please? So they'd stop putting that SWITCH button in front of my face? It makes me even more paranoid. And stubborn. There, I admit it. You have to drag me screaming and kicking to change my pattern. And I don't have the time!!!
Beiron's face looks terrible in this pic, IMO, but the body is nummy. The sarong's got to go, though. It gets in the way of the scenery.
Beiron was one of the first few male models whose names I knew. I met him once in the 90s, in New York, very briefly. ;-)
Lovely...accent. LOL. He's around my age and he's still modeling, from what I hear. Wish I can meet him again. I'll definitely do more than shake his hand this time!
Why the heck am I bringing up Beiron, you ask? I was trying to figure out my naked kata scene for Shahrukh and where to put it--Book One or Book Two (or abandon for later)--and saw a favorite Beiron pic:
Well, that stopped all thought about kata and writing. I knew you'd understand. I was thinking, wow, I remember him! He must be, like, 40 now. I wonder whether he's unmarried? ;-)
Okay, 'nuff of dat. I have to read faster, edit faster, write faster.
I don't know what happened. I managed to sleep ten hours the last two nights. It's scary. I don't have ten hours to sleep!
WAKE ME UP! I need those four hours to write and do edits!!!!
Gah. My body loves to mess with my mind.
Okay, here is something strange and helpful, if you're in the mood for strange and helpful.
Behold the MEN OF MORTUARIES 2007 calendar. Dig it? It's on sale now and monies raised benefit the lives of those who are going through the treatment of breast cancer.
Ya interested? Order it HERE. The hunk in the pic, David Fisch, really works for a funeral home. To read the story behind the calendar, click HERE.
The things I dig up for blogging....
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BTW, someone alerted me that Amazon.com is showing Gennita Low's VIRTUALLY HIS (no pic yet)! Yay! It's official. I'm back in bizness. The official street date is 24 April 2007. Mark that on the Men of Mortuaries Calendar you're buying, heh heh.
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So, between you and me...what do you realllllly want for Christmas?
Blogger keeps asking me to change into their new Blogger format. I keep ignoring. I'm old school like that. I'm afraid if I do it, a whole chunk of the files would be gone even though they insist that this won't happen. Ha. I've read the problems some bloggers have had switching. I'm so not going to give myself another unneccessary headache.
So tell me, if you're a blogger, did you switch and was it easy for you? What problems have you been having since?
It's not as if I have time to do it, anyway. I'm in the throes of looking at my copy edits. It's okay, but there are a lot of markings and I'm trying to decide what I want to stay and what I want stetted. There is a constant tug of war in a writer's mind (and ego) when her creation has been tampered with. There is editing and there is editing, and the writer has to learn to recognize a good editor's clarification, and that sometimes it's okay to let it go.
I do have to find two replacements for two trademarked words, though. Superman and Bengay. I guess these "products" don't like to be used, even in generic dialogue like: "I feel like Superman," or "It smells like Bengay." One would think that these words are allowed in a general sort of way. Wronnng....
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I spent part of the weekend cackling over Linda Howard's DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, an excellent, excellent, EXCELLENT! and wickedly funny book. It's in first-person and done so well that you'd never think this is La Linda's second in this style. I learn so much about taking total control of a story and its theme from this book, using both humor and dialogue to show how the hero and heroine have grown from the first novel, TO DIE FOR.
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For those who like to read up about surviving in the world of publishing as a mid-list author, here's an interesting blog posted by HOLLY LISLE about how chain stores can kill one's career. Depressing reading for Monday, so be forewarned.
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Lastly, just a thought--am I the only one who thinks Britney Spear's va-jay-jay overload is so spoiling the Christmas spirit?
Today's POV lesson:
1) It isn't just about noticing the main character.
2) A good spy can see other things happening.
3) In an uber spy story, a banal "goodnight" could mean anything.
4) There are always other things happening in a good suspense novel.
5) Never put a webcam facing the entrance to your bedroom ;-).
CLICK ON ARROW TO STAY ON THIS PAGE:
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Writing update:
I finally tracked down my editor. It being Friday, nobody had any idea when my copy edits was sent and what the tracking USPS # was. My editor is going to send me her own copy of it overnight. So....one emergency taken cared of.
For the first time ever, they're going to include a first chapter excerpt at the back of my book, Virtually His. So, darn it, no matter how secretive I am, you guys are going to find out the identity of Helen's monitor. ;-) Happy now?
Can you believe Virtually His is only FOUR months away?!
People do strange things around this time of the year. Around here, anyway.
There is a couple who lives five miles away from me. Every year, from Dec. 1, they dress up as Santa and Mrs. Claus and they drive this souped up sleigh-ride complete with light bulbs and fake deer up and down the road a few times day, waving at people. They have been doing this for at least ten years. I can't imagine myself (and the significant other) growing old and one day, while I'm running around dusting (hahahahahahhaha!), he waddles up to me and say, "Honey, I have this fantastic idea...." AND I go along with this scheme.
But, anyway, this couple does this every year and it keeps all the local residents amused and jovial. So, that's good, right? How more fun can you ask for then to be followed by Santa Claus and his wife up and down Nova Rd. at 10am, sometimes with twinkling lightbulbs?
Then there is the couple whose front lawn is so covered by ornaments and statues and Christmas decorations that I swear, there is NO ROOM to walk on. I've seen the same layout for at least a dozen years. Ranger Buddy swears that it's been the same for at least ten more before my dozen. I'm not talking about strings of Christmas lights on trees and shrubs. I'm talking about ducks and geese, dwarves and plastic figurines, starbursts and lanterns, life-size camels, the eternal barn scene of baby Jesus and the Magi surrounded by the whole farmhouse and animals. I'm talking about three feet-high candy canes lining up the sidewalk and along the garage parking spots. And I haven't started on the giant floating Santa of Doom trying to squash the little cottage with his fat behind.
The hours put into THAT boggles my mind. And why. WHY would anyone do that to their yard every year? It certainly stops traffic, day or night. It's a Daytona experience, I suppose.
The last few years, I've seen an Elvis impersonator in Santa Colors walking around the parking lot of Walmart. Someone bleach my brain already. I haven't been close enough to see whether he really croon Christmas tunes.
How does one compete with such masterpieces? I have a small little Santa squishy toy and I tie him on top of my compressor in my truck. Every time I fire the machine up, it looks like Santa is riding a rocket ship. Woebegonably (is that even a word?) simple.
So, are you one of those who must string up a thousand gazillion lights around your house? Hum Christmas music non-stop every day for 30 days? Do you know how many roofs I'd repaired which someone's dear husband had nailed holes through because they had to have Santa and the reindeer fastened on top of the house? Do people up north do this on their snowy rooftops? Or is this just a crazy Southern phenomena?
MAY 07
