An Uber Author's Appropriateness

Today, I got The UBER SUBSERVIENT CHICKEN to:

1) march
2) blow the trumpet
3) choke himself

There's got to be something better to do when I'm sipping coffee in the morning...LOL...

I was checking out the Ellora Cave's calendar from the Romantic Times magazine. I'm wondering whether readers would enter a contest with that as the prize? Yes, it's time to call the sister in DC to update my site, in spite of my inability to find the time to do anything after insanely signing on the dotted line to pen three big books in one year. Yes, yes, I was nuts to do so. I freely admit it.

Someone sent me an email telling me I shouldn't post pictures of me hugging up with romance models because my image as a serious author is going to the trash. I am such a slut. Do you think it's the woman who flamed me about my obsession with nekkid vegetables and how that ruined my image as a serious suspense author? Anyway, the email was short and sweet: "Your penchant to hug every model at the convention just shows how desparate (sic) you are. I don't see other authors doing this so what does that tell me? That you are desparate (sic) for attention and what you think is fun is inapropriate (sic) for a serious author. Do yourself a favor. Quit being so desparate (sic)."

Ooops.

And to think I was going to post this to make Reese foam at the mouth today:

But I won't. Totally inappropriate of me to have even thought about posting it. Ignore, ignore.

Sigh.

I bet I'm the only author who gets hate mail about hugging up with male models or any male. No, I bet I'm the ONLY author who gets flames about posting obscene veges on my blog. Which just shows...yeah, I must be doing something wrong. Right?

The thing is, if I were posting as a romance reader at a conference, would my photos instill such hatred from my blog visitors? And why do they visit anyway, since they hate me? I'm so confuzzled. Thank God for The Subservient Chicken. He soooooothes my hurt soul so.

Don't worry, Gennita-haters, one day, I'll run out of RT pics to post and then you'll have to just deal with obscene veges again.

Serious Author Update: I think I need to insert another scene into Virtually His because I want Hell to be confused about her reaction to the INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR of Shahrukh/ Sullivan/Jed/Flyboy/Armando/Diamond/Heath. I mean, she shouldn't be hugging up with all those commandos, sheesh. Slut.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Spies and Insertion

Hah, not that kind of insertion!

I'm running really late today. I played too long with Power Point, trying to figure out how to make a watermark. You see, I have THIS PHOTO I took of a male model in handcuffs and I want to make sure this photo stays mine ;-). But I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to insert the "washed out" watermark onto the photo with Power Point. Call me clueless. When it comes to programs, it's always hit and miss with me because I'm hopeless at understanding instructions.

Revisions for Virtually His is going okay but I hit a snag yesterday. My editor made an excellent suggestion about adding another scene at the virtual reality room to give more background on the hero's subtle sexual control over Hell. ;-) Perked your interest there, didn't I? Told you it was a great suggestion. Now I have to go back and figure out where to insert it because the story, as it is now, is quite tightly organized. To insert a new scene means manipulating earlier scenes and that means work. This I can do...easier than Power Point.

I have a few more RT pictures resized. Here are a few Romantic Times attendees who went ALL OUT at the balls. I think they look totally fab in their costumes, don't you?


This, I believe, but I could be wrong, is author Stephanie Burke. She's sort of a Ninja Dark Faery. That sword was HUGE! I was watching her trying to put it back into the sheathe and she couldn't stretch her arms far enough. I was thinking of my Shahrukh with it ;-). He has a big arm span and he'd look so kewl doing his kata on the beach too!

This is Lise, my friend from Suite magazine, in her pirate costume. She always, always has the best costumes! She picks up the fox tails for me at the fairs.

That's all I got today but I just have to INSERT this one last photo. ;-) You should see them posing in the calendar they were giving out at the Book Fair. Oh. My. God. Hawt.

No costume is sometimes the best costume, hmm? ;-)

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Uber Author Sprouts Wings

Ahem. So I spent all morning playing with The Uber Subservient Chicken and resizing more RT pictures. Bad Jenn.

It's sad to be addicted to a chicken. Today, I got him to:

1) meditate--wow, I didn't know a chicken can cross its legs like that.
2) sneeze--he did too! And blew his nose.
3) tango--THAT was even better than vogue, my fellow procrastinators.

So, umm...what did you do for Memorial Day Sunday? Ahem.

RT fun in pictures:



Yes, Daytona Beach was invaded by faeries. You know, I keep wanting to spell "fairy" but I guess faery is le chic way to spell it.

Yes, yes, that's moi as Le Dark Faery "Tail." Can you see my naughty little fox tail? Let me tell you something from experience. It's very hard to go to the bathroom if you're a girl-fox, or foxy girl, depending on your shapeshifting moment.

Isn't this a wonderful costume? She's shapeshifting into a tiger. There are stripes appearing on her back.

Here's Beth Ciotta again, being kidnapped by model-pirate CJ. You know, for a mute girl, she sure gets all the attention. ;-)

I finally got her to tell me her secret. It's THE DAMN TAIL. It was bigger than my foxy one. Sheesh. Next year, I'm coming as a dragon lady.

It's only appropriate that the writer of Merry, the erotic Fae Queen, Laurell K. Hamilton, attend the Faery Ball. I was half-expecting all of Merry's luscious multicolored bodyguards to show up too.

Oh yeah, did I tell how MUCH I hated all that merry-making stuff. I suffered through the whole week, I tell ya. Such an effort to keep smiling and smiling. I would much rather paint my garage.

I have more pictures to resize...are you going to keep encouraging me to procrastinate? ;-)

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

More RT Intel

Taking spy photos is the easy part; it's the resizing that's time consuming. Here's a few more photos taken at the Romantic Times Convention.

For me, the best part is always connecting with fellow author friends whom I've not seen for a while. We get to exchange gossip and ideas, catch up with each other's personal news, and generally, celebrate freedom from husbands, kids, and significant others, if we are lucky ;-). Here's Kayla Perrin, who hosts a wonderful morning mixer with boas and male models, and me, getting ready to go a-spying.



RT is fun because everyone who goes there participates in both the workshops (serious stuff) and the balls (fun stuff). Where could one find a convention where you can pitch your story to an editor during the day and then maybe bump into her that night dressed up in your bat wings and vampire teeth?

You get the serious side of the romance business--booksellers luncheon--and you let loose your inner girls-gone-wild side in a relatively non-judgmental atmosphere during the Mr. Romance Pageant.

This year, I didn't get to judge the competition, but one of my editors from Harlequin did, and she had a blast. I'm sure she's boasting to fellow editor-spies back in New York about the experience ;-).

I had the greatest fun with my Australian friends, a group of readers headed by Rosemary Potter, who owns a bookstore in Brisbane. Our overseas romance fans have a lot of difficulty getting their favorite books quickly and it's expensive for them to order through Amazon, so Rosemary is a blessing. She comes to RT to network with the publishers and booksellers and to meet with the authors. She and the other Australian lassies are simply WONDERFUL FUN and I love them. Here's their very famous Timtam party that they host:

Many uber-authors delight in meeting them and enjoying the timtams they brought. That's the chocolatey stuff you see on the table in front of Rosemary, Laurell K. Hamilton, Charlaine Harris, and Jonathan, LKH's husband.

Heather Graham, uber-uber goddess-author, hosts a vampire ball every year and this year's theme is Vampires of the Carribean. Needless to say, there was an odd mixture of pirates walking around with fangs and one-legged vampires. Heather also does a play every year and everyone who participates has to learn their lines within a day or two. You can imagine all the ad-libbing that goes on.

Believe it or not, that's Heather Graham, playing the part of manly-man Jack the Pirate. She looked fantastic, didn't she? Her two sons also participated in the play, as well as authors Mary Stella and Beth Ciotta (the Oracle and the mute mermaid). It's a rather...hmm...complicated tale about a curse that made a mermaid into a mute vampire and the pirates that saved them. Oh, and manly-man Jack turned out to be "Jill" in disguise and had to hide her love for the mermaid's father, Poseidon, whom she kept pronouncing as Pissyden, LOL. Also, Pissy--Poseidon--has a talking polly named...Pollygone. Hah. All's well that ends well, and our pirates all had a happy ending.

Lastly, for now, I must caution attendees to be careful of men with whips. If they pull you into their arms and demand a photo, no matter how RELUCTANT you are, just do it, or risk being--horrors--spanked. And like me, you can pretend to laugh nervously when really, I hated every moment of it.

Is my RT Intel boring everyone to sleep?

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Random Spy Thoughts

I'm trying to get back into the working mode. It seems harder this week, for some reason. Alcohol still in my brain cells, probably ;-).

Writing Update:
Revisions for Virtually His is getting done slowly. I've been rereading the first few chapters--not much rewriting here but more of rearranging of information. In the original version, I started each chapter with a very short take of a CIA training session that would be reflected by the action/lesson in the scenes of that particular chapter but my editor said that would take the reader out of the story. So the solution was to take each of these little takes and put them into the prologue. Not complicated, but whether that would work, or whether the reader would just skip that prologue is another thing.

American Idol Thoughts:
My American Idol will always be The Purple One. Oh my. The man could still rock my world, even though he's shorter than Ryan Seacrest ;-). He just drips sex.

Best Moment: Surprise appearance of Clay Aiken and his New Do. Or best Gay Moment, I can't decide. He looked sooooo cuuuuuute. There's something about the look in his eyes, especially when he's singing, that always gets me. And yeah, that's why I like him better than Ruben ;-).

Worst. Duet. Evah. Well, actually, all the duets, except for the Two Bald Men, were pretty horrendous but what was with Toni Braxton? Holy Cow, was she lip-synching? Did she even know the words to the song? Or had she been partying too hard with Meatloaf backstage?

Talking of Meatloaf, what's with all the shaking? I thought he was having a seizure. Katherine McPhee's voice actually propped his up. And can I, as a woman, remark that her chesticles were remarkable? I swear I was staring at them and thinking they were going to pop, as in burst, they were so...pop-py looking.

Poor Elliot Yahmin. Killed. By. Diva.

I still wanna do Ace. Shhhh.

Let's all stuff snails into Kelly's mouth. I miss Mandisa.

OMG. Funniest moment--Chicken Little singing Tom Jones' What's Up, Pussycat. OMG. When he sings, with those big chickie eyes looking straight at the camera, about "wanting to kiss your pussycat lips." OMG. I busted somethin'.

Two Bald Guys dueting in alternative rock, or whatever you call that kind of music, with no screaming (ala Axel Rose and one of those other Heavy Metal dudes from the 80s a while back) or anger or angst. That's got to be a first for me. Here is proof that two bald singers isn't better than one. Heh.

And the winner? Since he does Joe Cocker so well, I will forgive Taylor's purple jacket. Total yawn about the two debut singles. "My Destiny?" Ugh. "Do I Make You Proud?" Double-Ugh. Better: "My Cleavage Is Better Than His" vs "Do I Have To Dye My Hair Whiter?"

EDITED TO ADD: And what other finale would boast of a crying DAVID HASSELHOFF because Taylor won? Why was he sobbing?!!! Maybe because he wanted to duet with Toni Braxon and have her grope him....

And those are my thoughts about the Idol Finale. Anyone want me to talk about the House finale? Heh.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Mixed-Up Intel

So, according to the season finale of LOST, the fate of the world is controlled by an 1982 Apple IIe computer that resets an electro-magnetic bomb thingy that will disintegrate all metal (and make metal objects go on suicide flights) on a strange island with a giant statue of a four-toed foot. Hmm. And to think I needed to know why crapenters exist to make my life miserable.

There are some pretty weird plots going on in TVland finales this season. Alias, my wonderful Alias, a show created by the same guy who created Lost, by the way, ended with a big HUH? The world over there, it seems, is controlled by some dead man who drew a picture of a giant red ball way back when, that became a mini red ball that somehow produces the Koolaid of Immortality. Or not. Who knows? They killed Spydaddy and Spymummy, the bastards.

24 has gone retrograde. The world at THAT place is controlled by a bald man with a Bluetooth thingy in his ear telling the POTUS to kill himself after ordering the death of a former POTUS while missiles and submarines and nerve gas get stolen in minutes as the whole darn city, while seemingly under martial law, still has Motel 8 and bars open for plot convenience. In that world, the US planes are slower than the Chinese commerce ship. Hmm...there must be a controlling giant electro-magnet somewhere. Or a big foot.

Can I also point out that all three shows have my favorite character named JACK? There is an answer to this somewhere...but not this morning. My head hurts from all the myths of the world. My only question is--why would anyone commission a giant statue of a four-toed foot on an island? Did this person misunderstood about the myth of Bigfoot? And why must John Locke be locked up with Desmond DAVID HUME? Just because those two philosophers of empiricism happened to be good friends in another century...my head hurts.

It's going to be one of those days, isn't it? So let's look at happy pics ;-). Here is RT's Mr. Romance 2006, Rodney (a very good friend and an extremely sweet man), in front center, flanked by Mr. Romance from 2004 and 2005. Congrats, Rodney! Here's your freaking empirical evidence, J.J. Abrams!

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Snap Back To Reality

Oh boy, gravity blows, as Eminem would agree with me. Reality returns and uber-roofer came home to crap a-plenty. Someone went up on one of my roofs and stole $800 worth of material. Someone(s) comfortable with height, slippery unpapered plywood, big gaps on unfinished roof, walked across 200 squares of badly nailed sheathing and threw down all my tar paper. You do the deduction who said culprits were. Gah. RB and I not happy.

But oh well. Real life continues. So let's post happy pictures ;-P.

The signing at the RT Book Fair went very well. I sat next to Kathy Love: She was great company. She writes hot vampire stories for Brava and was giving out little packets (see pic, right in front) of "blood" samples to readers that said "You're just his type."

Behind me was author extraordinaire Marjorie Liu, who must have pleased the cover gods because every one of her covers is too freaking beautiful. She and I had a lot of fun talking back and forth in between signing.

The RT people didn't give us any water for a LONG time (and we had to sit there for four hours), so after a while, I had to leave my table to get something to drink. Of course, I started wandering around. The lines for my favorite authors were too long (LKH, MJD, Angela Knight) but I got to visit with Cherry Adair a little bit:

She's a hoot to talk to and always so supportive and friendly. I heart Cherry Adair.

Anyway, I sold all the books on my table except for five, thanks to some awesome readers, some of whom came all the way from Australia and Germany while others drove up to ten hours from other cities! Truly, truly awesome romance fans. Thank you so very much!

The best part, for me, is getting to let loose at night with friends and readers, just enjoying the costume party and having fun, dancing and merry-making. I danced till my feet couldn't move any more and danced some more. I admired the very intricate costumes that fans had brought along (how did they stuff those gigantic wings into their suitcases?!). I had a blast with my male model friends, some of whom I've known for years. Most of all, I just prefer this to REALITY. I mean, who wouldn't want to be one of Heather Graham's wenches? Doesn't she look like Johnny Depp? ;-)

That's Beth Ciotta at Heather's right, btw. And isn't dancing with a handsome vampire sooooo much better than reality? Ahhhhhhh.... ;-)

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Partying With Uber Authors Part 1

I'm having a lot of fun at RT this year. However, my dogsitter's son dare to get married in Vegas this weekend--how inconvenient of him! ;-)--and I have to crawl out of bed every morning, drive home to feed the mutant poms, play with them, and quickly get back so I can get dressed for the next spy mission. You should have seen me rushing to the Book Fair signing today half-dressed, trying to look uber-authorly.

Then, afterwards, I had to stumble to meet with a group of authors. I managed to get a bite to eat before being pulled along to see the Mr. Romance Competition. It was really fun and one of my friends, Rodney, a really nice (and gorgeous) man, won. So of course I had to stay on after the show to congratulate him.

Before I knew it, it was time to drive home again to take care of the mutant children, so I ran up to my room to get the boxes of books I'd managed to somehow gather from parties and lunches to take home, only to discover that I didn't have my room key. Gah. Rushed downstairs. Waited in line. Got a new key. Upstairs. Books. Downstairs. I was in a tizzy.

I love my furbabees and really don't mind doing this, but man, I'm beat. And now I'm an hour late to the Biker Babe Party. So, got to go. Here are some pictures of me with some really Uber Author friends.

Heather Graham is so fun to party with. I have a picture of her dressed as Manly Jack the Pirate from the Vampires of the Carribean Ball. You'll have to wait!

This is me with UBER-UBER-author Laurell K. Hamilton. She and I shared a tim-tam candy bar at the party hosted by Australian bookseller, Rosemary Potter, and her friends. Laurell's booksigning line was Loooooooong. She was at the Fairy Ball last night, dancing up a storm with her hubby, until she had a wardrobe malfunction with her back zipper ;-).

This is Marjorie Liu and me. She was wearing six inch heels at the party just to spite me. I told her I was still planning to kill her no matter how sweet she was to me. Gah. She's still sweet. And absolutely beautiful. And absolutely one of my favorite uber-authors. But I still hate her. The girl can also move on a dance floor. Bah.

For the fairy ball, I had a black gown on, with long black gloves, and a sort of wing-like cape. I also wore a fox tail. I told everyone I was a dark fairy tale. Bwah. I'll download the photos when I get home.

Tired. Feet hurt. Mission almost completed.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

An Uber Author's Duty

Oh man, those uber-chicken suggestions are getting inventive, girls! You have to order the chicken to

1) Have a heart attack
2) Smell his armpits

Click on:
Order Uber Chicken Around

I'm taking a short break at RT. I have done a lot of serious important authorly responsible things, none of which involves an Ellora's Cave whip. These pictures shown here have been doctored. The woman doesn't even look like me. Or, if you like, all Asians look alike. Remember, I am doing a lot of serious important authorly responsible things at RT.

This is me and Brian, Christine Feehan's handsome son, so keep your dirty thoughts to yourself. Brian is giving dancing lessons at RT and I'm a new student. And that's all! It's very important for an author to learn how to do the West Coast Swing.

More authorly things to come.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Uber Author Loves Her New Uber Titles!

I'm at RT so my posts will be sporadic. It's absolutely crazy having your house nearby to a conference because you keep thinking you can go home to pick up whatever you need!

And for those clever ANONYMOUSES who gave so much time to The UBER SUBSERVIENT CHICKEN (CLINK ON LINK and be evil manipulators like us!), I'm soooo proud of you! You are uber-procrastinators just like me! Now, you have to admit to me that you cackled and gurgled like a mad woman too, every time you see the uberchicken do something unexpected, like swimming or swinging a bat! ;-) I loved the way he clawed the plate to spread the sand around, just like the ball players, and was disappointed he didn't adjust his chicken junk.



Ask him to: 1) TOUCH HIS TOES and 2) PRAY.
OMG (pardon the pun), watching a chicken in a garter belt praying was funny.

Sigh. Yes, I'm easily amused.

But I really have news, I really do! VIRTUAL HELEN is gone. Thank God (maybe that's from having the chicken pray for me so much). MIRA liked the two titles I suggested for Books 1 and 2 of Super Soldier Spy. What do you think of:

Book 1: VIRTUALLY HIS
Book 2: VIRTUALLY HERS ?

And they are going to work on a sexy cover, they said, because my previous ones never showed that my writing is sexy. So, any comments?

If not, any more uber-chicken fans with more strange antics? ;-) I'm always ready to see the chicken do weird things. In fact, I'm thinking of putting him on my recommended links, he's soooo kewl.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Tell The Uber Chicken To Walk Like An Egyptian

DO NOT GO ANYWHERE TILL YOU CLICK ON THE LINK AT THE END. COME ON, DON'T BE A CHICKEN!

I have great news to start my RT Con Week! I won the Colorado Romance Writers KEEPER award for Into Danger, a vote for books written two years ago or older that readers love to reread! That is such a cool award for me, like reaching a milestone, you know?

My first ever award with a plaque is from CRW too, for an entry called Diamond's Fire ***coughcoughAlex'sandT'sstorycoughcough***. Now I can add this other plaque on the wall ;-). Keeper Award...I love it!

For those driving up I-95 to Daytona Beach from South Florida and trying to find alternate routes, look to get off the Turnpike on to I-4, take it straight to 400 bypassing all the turnoffs to I-95. 400 drives straight into Port Orange/South Daytona and and if you do a Mapquest Search, you will easily get to the beach from there. Hope my incredibly succinct instructions helped!

And now, for those of you, who, like me, love to waste time on things you can't describe but must show. Here is a interactive video that my Blaze author/writing buddy Jamie Sobrato had introduced me to. Please meet the Subservient Chicken, done by Burger King, who wants you to have it your way, ahem.

The Subservient Chicken is, as his name explains, extremely subservient. If you want to see a big man in a chicken suit obey all your commands, then you have to click on my link below. If you spend the next half hour or the WHOLE DAMN DAY going back and getting a cackle out of watching him, then you're obviously my kinda uber-spy.

Here's what I've found time to command him to do:

1) Act like an ape (what, have you ever seen a man in a chicken suit act like an ape???!)
2) Kiss me
3) Act like a duck
4) Swing a bat
5) MOONWALK (I came up with that brilliant command while I was cooking and boy, nearly burned my meal watching a chicken moonwalk)
6) Swim
7) Skate icehockey
8) Scratch your butt (along with the chicken feathers!)
9) Jumping jacks

Be aware that you can't make him do everything, especially if you get too kinky ;-). He has a way of telling you no. Sometimes he gets confused because when I told him to "get lost," he started to look under the sofa and the pillows. LOL. Please do tell me what other antics you've come up with, now that you have a chicken under your command.

Enlightenment is near! THE SUBSERVIENT CHICKEN awaits! Come on, how can you not love a chicken wearing a garter belt?! ;-)

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

And The Uberest of All...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! Ahhhhh...babeeeeeees...

They never fail to bring a smile to my face, wherever I see them--in the restaurant, on the beach, even on the airplane. But how many times do I look at the mothers? I salute all you ladies who are mothers, who gave so much of your time to your children. This is your day.

My mother has six children (or monsters, as she likes to call to us now and then). We followed her everywhere she went--crossing roads like a duck and her brood, cramming into our car for our Sunday swims, up and down the supermarket aisle, in and out of shopping centers. I still grin at the memory because unlike the usual very posh, very educated elegance of the wealthy, we were a very noisy, sassy bunch.

My sisters are now mothers too. And I look at them interacting with the next generation and see so many similar patterns ;-). I've discovered that all my siblings are happily passing on the sloppy packrat genes, LOL. For the sake of mankind, I guess I'm not adding on to this problem. One messy Gennita Low, with two of everything, is enough.

And we'll not forget about being furbaby mommies too because they are our children:

Yes, yes, I know you be smart peoples. I told you my mom has six children. And I end up with six dogs. Draw your own conclusions. I'm very partial to big mutant poms...monsters....Let me know if you know of any big white-cream mutant poms who need mothering.

And in conclusion, I want to note that there is NO BETTER spy than a spying mommy on her kiddos. Nothing escapes her mommy spy-radar, no crime, no lie, no cover-up, not even a not-my-doggie-poopoo-setup from six poms who are supposed to be too old to trick their mom.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Uber Roofer Morphing Into Uber Author

10.30pm EDITED TO ADD:
Can I, can I, CAN I shout out how much I love baseball, the game of UNDYING HOPE? It's a writer's game, I tell ya. My beloved Braves, down 5-4, ninth inning, two outs, bases loaded, with the struggling rookie Francouer at bat. GRANDSLAM. WOOOOhooooo! There's nothing better than baseball when everything clicks. Just like writing. And yes, because no one sees it, I jump out of my chair and run around the living room cheering, with all my poms chasing me, of course. We know how to celebrate in high fashion around here ;-D.

Okay, back to your regular scheduling....

****************************

Things have a way of sneaking up on me. The Romantic Times Convention starts Monday!!! Where did the time go? Sigh. I'm really looking forward to seeing my writer and reader friends again and this time, it will be by the beach ;-), so no need to get too dressed up. Thank goodness. I haven't a thing to wear (except for the uber-roofing gear).

The parties are going to be interesting this year too. Pirates of the Carribean Vampires Ball? Wow. Interesting mixture...so are we going to see pirates with fangs dancing around the ballroom? Then there is the Fairy's Ball. Yoikes. I do NOT want to see male fairies prancing around, heehee. Aiyaiyai. I'm going to have to remember to clear more memory in my digital camera.

For those living around Daytona Beach, Fl., the BOOKFAIR is on Saturday, May 20, 11am-3pm, at the Hilton Hotel. For more information, go to www.rtconvention.com and check out the 250 authors who will be attending! And you can even buy tickets for the Mr. Romance Convention for that evening, if you like to try a different kind of fun ;-).

For those who are flying in and planning to visit the area, here are some suggestions from a local:

1) Ponce Inlet Lighthouse
2) Cassadaga Spiritual Camp (this is a little town about 50 minutes away from Daytona where most of its inhabitants are psychic readers of some sort. It's fun and interesting, and you get to walk around the quiet, hilly neighborhood and enjoy its unique tranquility)
3) Ummm...Mickey Mouse Land and Shamu Country up the road, if you don't know about THAT by now
4) The Highlander restaurant
5) Rent a boat and go up (or down) Halifax river. It's pretty! And you see dolphins!
6) Rent a Harley or a motorcycle and bike down our very, very famous scenic route, The Loop.













7) If you are renting a vehicle, try driving ON the beach. You have to pay for a week's pass, but if you've never done it, it's a kewl experience for the kids
8) If you want to wrestle a gator, there is Gatorland, but do you really want to wrestle a gator? I didn't think so. But yeah, we have gators. Please don't feed our gators, cute creatures that they are--how do you think they got to be so BIG?
9) If you've never seen a racetrack, here's your chance to do so. The International Speedway is the home of the infamous Daytona 500. There is a Museum there where you can see the history of speed as well as try out the simulation racecar.
10) Let's go on a hot air balloon at sunrise! It can be a sexy experience. Not that I know anything about that, ahem.
11) There's a ghost tour somewhere in town. I've never tried it. In fact, I didn't know Daytona has ghosts ;-).
12) For the religious, you HAVE to try the outdoor church not far from the hotel, where you get to PARK at a meter with a speaker and LISTEN to the sermon from the comfort of your car. I've seen families having breakfast! Wow, talk about being on the go....

Well, that's enough to start with. As a local, I forget about the ocean, rarely see the beach, the sand's a nuisance, and the humidity chases me back into my air-conditioned home. I occasionally stare down gators, shake my head at speeding old farts who give ME the finger, shake my head at very, very slow old farts on the speeding lane, wait for the ambling gopher to cross the road, and avoid the annual springbreakers and bikers like the plague. But you don't have to know that ;-). Welcome to Daytona!

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

A Googling Uber Roofer

Okay, today, more adventures of the inimitable Ranger Buddy.

There was a news article yesterday about a modern nomadic STONE AGE tribe from Colombia, Nukak-Maku, which had wandered out from the jungles to join the 21st century. Click HERE for full article. One of the interesting parts about the article talked about how these people were asking about the airplanes, and how they worked; they thought they were moving on "invisible" roads. To the stone age mind, that makes perfect sense when explaining technology.

Now, onto Ranger Buddy, my STONE AGE business partner. As you know, he has given up television for the year as his new year's resolution, so he has plenty of time on his hands at night. Ranger Buddy, welcome to the dark side. The man has learned how to google.

Let me back up a bit.

This is the man who still owned a 30 year old television set about six years ago that REQUIRED one to walk to the set to change channels. The fun question the family members await when there is a new guest to the house: "Where is the remote?"

This is the man who was given a solar powered radio to listen to the Braves game and spent his nights cranking that thing (since there is no daylight at night) up instead of just buying another radio that uses electricity. "Fifty-five cranks will go a whole inning," he proudly told me.

This is the man who doesn't own a cell phone and never will, who still can't figure out how to use one sometimes, and who gives sermons on the evils of cell phone and the downfall of mankind due to the "inability to get things done because it's easier to call somebody on the damn fucking things." I call them sermons on the roof, which I should sell for $19.99 on e-bay or something. Very entertaining, especially The Sermon of The Flopping Frog of Evolution theory but that's another story.

This is the man who once punched his phone number onto his microwave oven while reheating his coffee. THAT was one cooked coffee bean.

But this year, THIS YEAR, the Caveman has emerged from the woods. RB has learned how to put on earbuds (albeit it was the wrong way for a couple of weeks) to listen to his Spanish lessons on his MP3. MP3. You understand...this is the dude who wouldn't know any other acronym but an AK-47. He's talking about his MP3.

Then, yesterday, when I showed him this article, he oh-so-casually said he already read that on the Internet.

I raised my eyebrows. "Internet?" Ahem. This is the dude who destroyed his daughter's first computer by just TURNING IT ON and had to buy her a replacement, and had, to my knowledge, never dared to turn on another computer by himself.

"Yeah. While listening to the Braves game. I get to read the box scores live."

My jaw dropped. "Whoa...you don't use your radio any more?"

He sniffed. "The reception is getting really bad at night. Anyway, since I'm on the net, I click on news...."

And this is how he demonstrated the whole procedure, with sound effects and exaggerated arm motions like some mad conductor:

"I turned it on--ding-ding--and the screen comes on really quickly. Then I (swishing his right hand for effect) get the mouse to SPRINT and click. Beep-beep, bap-bap, and there, I am on the MLB site and I get to choose what game to watch, beep-beep, bap-bap. Sometimes the mouse gets stuck and I get to coax the mouse, boop-boop (demonstrating the art of coaxing a mouse with two very dirty, very tarred, very work-scarred hands), all over the screen to get to the right spot. When the game is over, I coax the mouse again to the top and click-click (DOUBLECLICKING not in his puter-vocab yet) on news. Sometimes I even get to type, but very slowly, but I can type BRAVES from memory now (he demonstrated his one finger motions on the imaginary keyboard on the table at Shit and Grits), bap-bap-bap bap-bap-bap, just like that. Afterwards, I go to the top and click-click on Google. And then I click-click on the links (LINKS, he is TALKING ABOUT LINKS), zap-zap, (more karate-like arm movements) and there's the news. I'm all googlified-certified."

Needless to say, I almost killed myself trying to eat and laugh at the same time. Beep-beep-boop indeed. Googlified-certified. Where is my caveman?!

By the way, he proudly announces that he can hold a great conversation with an eighteen-month old Spanish baby now. Which would be great if we were trying to get the crapenters to go poopoo and napnap, I guess.

So...from the Stone Age to the Email Age. It hasn't happened yet. But if it does, I'll be sure to set him up with an email addy of caveman@stoneage.com . Bleep-bleep, bloop-bloop, you got mail....

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

A Spy Book Title

I'm still mulling over my revision letter from the editor. I don't know what to think about my book coming out later than sooner. My last book came out January of this year, so it would be fifteen or sixteen months from January before you see another Gennita Low book. Of course, it's almost the middle of 2006 now, so we all know time just flies by.

The file you downloaded yesterday shows that my working title is Virtual Hell. It won't be the final title because marketing doesn't like it (Hell, you know...could be a horror book, etc.) As some of you know, I have the toughest time getting my titles approved by the PTB. My last book, The Sleeper, became Sleeping With ***coughcough***. Virtual Hell, by the way, can end up as Virtual Helen. I'm still mulling over whether any reader would be attracted to that title. Let's say you're wandering around the Walmart book aisle. Would you pick up a book with that title out of curiosity?

I don't know. Virtual Helen??? For those who read the HellGem yesterday, does this title convey the story you've downloaded? Virtual Helen doesn't sound very sexy or dangerous, does it?

I'm aiming for a combination of:
+ +

Instead, I got this:

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Your Uber Opinions, Please

I gave up on waiting for Blogger this morning. It was sooooo sloooooow! So anyway, you get this late. I received my revision letter. While I read and mull and reread my editor's excellent advice and comments about Hell Book One, you can click on this link and get a short preview.

HELLGEM

Don't wait for the photos to appear. Just get to the bottom of the page and click on HELLGEM. You will be asked whether you want to download a document.

So, let me know what you think. BTW, the publication date is going to be later than Jan. 2007 because they want Books One and Two to come out two months apart. Standby for exact dates...but hey, I guess it's good, right, to have both books out on top of each other? So, it might be several months after Jan. 2007 before you see Hell on the bookstands. I'm still digesting this. In any case, the sure thing is that both books will be out within two months of each other. But can you survive the wait for Sh...J...Ff...Arm...'s story? ;-)

Oh, by the way, I'm collecting all your Uber 25 Romances nominations and will put all the books together in one blogpost later this week, 'kay?

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Is It Monday Again Already?

I'm glad y'all enjoyed the short video yesterday. Wasn't that a cool way to record one's world travels? I want him to go to Malaysia and dance like that during one of our religious festivals, such as the one where they pierce their faces and body parts, as well as walk on burning coals. People would probably think he was just having a religious epiphany!

Any more nominations for the Uber 25 Romance Books Evah? We need more, girls! You don't want ME to fill the rest of the slots with my favorites!

Recently, the girls at Loveromances gave me an interview. Here is the link:

Loveromances Interview

We talked a bit about my background, my ideas, about Stash and Marlena, and of course, future books. Do you like to read these interviews? I know there are some of you who are very interested in your favorite authors, but most readers I know are just "book readers," meaning, they enjoy the stories and the author's likes or dislikes don't mean Jack to them ;-). What do you like most when you're reading one--the info on the author or on her books?

It's getting pretty humid here, by the way, so if you're planning to come to the Romantic Times Convention in mid-May (that's a couple of weeks!!!), bring lots of suntan lotion and summery dresses. I have a feeling it's going to be blazing hot. And no, that doesn't include the fact that the Mr. Romance contestants will be in town.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Uber Author Gets Scary-Albert Camus On You

YOU HAVE TO WATCH MY VIDEO OF THE WEEK BELOW!

Ketchup before my Sunday entertainment and ruminations:

Here's some nominations for our Top 25 Romances List from Mary Stella:

"Mackenzie's Mountain definitely tops the list of 25 greatest for me. So does Jackson Rule by Sharon Sala. It Had to be You by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. I'm with you on Prince Joe by Suz Brockmann."

Any more of you want to chime in with your thoughts and nominations? It's free ;-). Can I irritate my buddy, Maria, and nominate Anne Stuart's Moonrise? That book pricked and bloomed my awareness in the possibilities of spy-romances, that one could depict a really, really dark hero who really, really killed. No pretend-dark (angsty dark hero who's really NICE, gah). No pretend kill (well, he only kills accidentally and regrets it afterwards by fasting a month--DOUBLEGAH). Moonrise was unapologetically soberingly fascinatingly dark. And poor Anne Stuart turned off many of her fans (and gained new ones) with this daring book.

***Hey Kate, if you want to know more about the Roberts-Dailey Scandal, please email me and I'll provide you with links to read about this lawsuit. It is one of the most well-known cases.***

**********************************

Mood today:

There's no getting over the fact that sometimes caffeine doesn't solve all morning depression ;-). I woke up today feeling down--not exactly sad, not exactly in pain, not exactly grieving. I call it my existential moment.

It's when I, in my aloneness, look around me and wonder what this is all about, including the coffee. It's when people I love or care about don't make sense in their desire to do things a certain way. It's when I use my past to measure my present, and wonder whether this is what I want for the future (Yes, yes, in my next life I'm going to ask to be excused from being a philosophy major in college and reading Camus' The Stranger. No young adult should ever get that depressed, heh).

Needless to say, there's no real answer--there never is--and no, I'm not going to go all depressed and wax philosophical about this feeling at my age. It just is. For a moment. Then it's back to normality again.

I've visited many countries, and traveled to many interesting places, in my years before I got stuck in my present chosen life. I think there's a restless soul inside me that always get tempted by adventure. So when I get these odd little pensive and restless moments, I watch the following video. This man dancing makes me smile because I never thought of doing THAT when I was visiting some of those places. And he proves that all one really need to do is enjoy oneself by acting a bit silly and entertaining others along the way.

Isn't this a simply cool video? And doesn't he express so much by just doing what he did? And that's what I want to do with my writing.

CLICK ON ARROW so your page remains HERE. If there's no sound, look at the volume control at the bottom and put your cursor over it to move it to the RIGHT:

Actually, I wish I know this dude ;-). That's Matt Harding, a man who quit his job so he could travel around the world and dance on all the continents. I think it's funny he had all these strangers willingly hold the camera on him in so many different countries as he jiggled without the music. There is nothing stranger than a human being ;-).

By the way, if you've read The Protector, do you "recognize" the scene with the girls on the bar stools outside the whorehouses?

These pics in front of and at the Taj Mahal look so boring now that I've seen that guy dancing in front of them ;-).

You see those minarets/pillars at the back? This is me in front of just one of them! Nice roomy palace ;-). I remember wondering whether it leaked....

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF

Uber Birthday Boy!

Everyone now, in your breathiest Marilyn Monroe voice:

Happy Birthday to Mr. Clooney
Happy Birthday to Mr. Clooooney
Happy Birthday to George Cloooooney
Happy
Birth
day
toooooooooo (make a moue here, bend down, show your cleavage) youuuuuuu....

Sigh...I must be in love. I don't remember birthdays but I remember his. Pathetic. What does one buy for his birthday, anyway? Not that I could afford him, heh. But they say it's the thought that counts, so in that case, I wish to give my George a quiet evening on the highest floor of a condo overlooking the river here, on the side where you can view the sunset, and he and I could have a nice quiet drink and I can melt in his delectable gaze while he...

Hmmm, where was I? Oh, his birthday. Well, enough of dreaming. George is just too cool to spend time with a hot roofing chick like me ;-).

Here are nominations, with explanations, from posters in the comment area for Best 25 Romance Books Evah (cut and pasted):

Kathleen D: Jude Deveraux's A Knight in Shining Armor (1989). I don't know if it was *the* first TT romance to take into account the effects of TT in current-time storyline, but it was the first one I'd read where the hero is reincarnated for his HEA.J.D. Robb's Naked in Death (1995). Why? Roarke. Enough said. ;>

Me: Totally agree on Roarke's Naked In Death, a real departure for NR as well as romantic suspense. Also got me to see futuristics as "closer" in the future.

Dee: OUTLANDER is one of the first books that I had to talk about, it was almost crazy how in dominated my thoughts. Also, Jamie is one of the best heroes written.

Me: Outlander did make a mark in the romance world and Miss Gabaldon attended RWA in 1998 (?) to promote her book to romance readers, and I sat next to her at lunch. So there, Dee, if she doesn't like being pigeonholed now, she sure didn't mind making pigeon friends then ;-).

Anonymous: HUMMINGBIRD by LaVyrle Spencer (first pub. in 1987). The way she makes the characters so alive and real is simply amazing.

Me: Never read it but heard a lot about it. Sigh. Time.

Kate: Iris Johannsen's "Wind Dancer." It's one of her earlier books and, holy freaking crap, the characters are so real and intense and passoniate...and the sex is hot hot hot.

Me: I have read Wind Dancer a long time ago, I think, but she had several titles with Wind in it so I'm not sure. But I LOVED IJ way back when.

SQ: 1. Mr. Perfect by Linda Howard (2000)Jaine Bright--'nuff said. I want to be just like Jaine when I grow up.
2. Facing Fear by YOU (2004) Asian heroine! Woohoo!
3. Devil's Bride by Stephanie Laurens (1998)Regency romance where the heroine doesn't play stupid and helpless.
4. First Lady by Susan Elizabeth Phillips (2000)Phillips gives us female president. FINALLY! Now if this would only translate to real life...
5. Prince Charming by Julie Garwood (1995)

Me: Can't agree that would be the LH I pick. But wow, thank you for nominating my book! Woohoo! I'm really honored--top 25?! I enjoyed Prince Charming but not sure whether I would put that in my top 25 either.

PS: 1. The Defiant Hero - Suzanne Brockmann
2. Silent Melody - Mary Balogh
3. A Candle in the Window - Christina Dodd
4. Saving Grace - Julie Garwood
5. China Bride - Mary Jo Putney
6. Dark Melody by Christine Feehan
7. A Knight In Shining Armor - Jude Deveraux
8. Mackenzie's Mountain - Linda Howard
9. Stardust of Yesterday - Lynn Kurland
10. All The Queen's Men - Linda Howard

Me: Definitely A Candle In The Window--that's my #1 favorite book! Brockmann definitely, but to me, I'd nominate Joe Cat's book in Top 25. That was Da One. And who can forget MacKenzie's Mountain's first line?!

Wow, thanks for the nominations! Any more from readers? We're playing "Let's Make a Top 25 Romance List." Rules: Must be innovative for its time, must give you an emotional workout, and of course, a good read to you, with that WOW factor that makes you reread afterwards.

Today I want to add Elizabeth Lowell's Tell Me No Lies. Definitely different in its time and, I think, her best book.

Tough to go looking at your shelves and deciding which book to make it into the list, isn't it? I have so many favorites! But I want each nomination to be very special and not just because it's by my favorite author, or that it's a comfort read, or that it's good. I would like to put some trailblazers in the Top 25.

Of course, if George Clooney was a romance book, you know he'd be up there on my list! Hehe.

Bear with me while I learn. The first button likes the POST. The second button likes the BLOG site. Please help me by "liking" me. Thanks!
NO NEED TO CLICK TILL I TELL YA: RESERVED FOR NOT SAFE FOR WORK STUFF